# Please Swallow Their BS, They're FAMILY... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 20, 2014, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292 "2014-01-20T18:09:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mr\_Quatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bc8723/32.png) [@Mr\_Quatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Quatro)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/21 "2014-01-20T21:11:39Z")
You already knew the intruders were innocent teenagers bent on stealing games and game system, but to wake up to a motion detector with no knowledge of who set it off and knowing full well that in order to set off said motion detector the intruder would have to already be inside your dwelling … the out come is not going to be a friendly one. I agree you should hold them for law enforcement to make the arrest, but it doesn’t always work out that way according to the news, now does it? Your response should’ve been a simple, “I disagree” and left the scene to ponder their erroneous ways. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/22 "2014-01-20T21:18:15Z")
You called them an idiot. Why wouldn’t you expect arguing and yelling after that? I don’t care how unflappable a person is. No one wants to be insulted in their own fucking house, **Foxy**. My father is a bit of a blowhard. Whenever I’m with him for longer than five minutes, we end up in an argument…always instigated by him. But with the exception of one unforgettable battle where he crossed the line and made it unnecessarily personal (and my feelings were deeply hurt and tears were shed), we never go there with personal insults. If you can’t argue without using insults, you have no business arguing with anyone. Family or no. You not only have to pick your battles, but you also have to pick who you battle with. Some people don’t know how to argue without making it personal and getting hot and bothered. Don’t argue with people like this. Whenever I get in arguments with my father, we can stop the moment my mother calls us into the kitchen to eat. One moment we’re loud and indignant, the next moment it’s a normal father-daughter dynamic. But my mother and I don’t have this type of relationship. If I’m arguing with her, someone’s going to end up crying. So if she says something stupid, I just roll my eyes and say, like a 36-year-old adolescent, “Whatever.” It’s just not worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/23 "2014-01-20T21:37:15Z")
Sometimes arguments can be powerful and effective. Sometimes they can change minds and opinions in incredible ways, making the world a better place. Sometimes it’s a person’s duty to eradicate stupidity and show people how to think more logically. Other times, it’s best to take a deep breath, smile, and [listen to some good advice](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0D5JJZl6MB0). And then, of course, go online after the party and vent to us in the Pit about people who want to shoot teenagers. That’s what it’s here for! ---
**Author:** ![Idol\_Springs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/919ad9/32.png) [@Idol\_Springs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idol_Springs)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/24 "2014-01-20T22:16:05Z")
If you do start a physical fight over the issue, please _ **do** _ have it filmed and uploaded to YouTube for our entertainment, won’t you? ;)😃 ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/25 "2014-01-20T22:23:20Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > Being willing to defend your house with a gun against unknown intruders who may or may not be armed is something I can accept. > > \*\*Wishing to have been in that situation so that you could get a chance to shoot and kill 2 kids who you KNOW were unarmed is disgusting beyond measure. \*\* There is a reason burglary isn’t a capital crime. This. Especially the bolded part. (Bolding mine.) To all who’ve talked about this as if the OP was debating politics (including the OP’s dad): NO. THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL DEBATE. THIS IS ABOUT BASIC FUCKING MORALITY, ABOUT GOOD VERSUS EVIL. As Cheesesteak said, this is about someone WISHING they could have killed somebody because that person broke into their house and took a few things. That’s EVIL, pure and simple. That’s not about gun rights v. gun control, it’s about the desire to end a life or two over relative trivialities. That’s EVIL. People like that, I’d rather not be related to. And yeah, I’d tell off someone for believing that sort of vile shit right in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner if that’s when it came up. ETA: Calling them an idiot was wrong. Calling them out for being evil? Damned straight. They could’ve taken it back, or I’d have been getting up from the table and headed for the door, rather than accepting further hospitality from such moral monsters. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/26 "2014-01-20T22:34:38Z")
It’s a shame to resort to insults when you’re right. It makes you seem wrong. I have to say something to my grandmother sometimes when she’s being a bigot. I can’t not. It’s just me. Maybe it’s also my weakness or something, I should save that for stupid job interview questions. I respond with facts and evidence and explanations of why what she said is bigoted and hurtful and damaging. It doesn’t help, she’s crossed that old people threshold where they’re just immune to reason. But it’s better than sitting around listening to hate speech. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/27 "2014-01-20T23:02:24Z")
You went out of your way to insult someone while you were a guest in their home/yard. Then you allowed the situation to escalate, creating an ugly scene. You screwed up. Bad. You should apologize, beg forgiveness, and promise never to do something so rude and thoughtless again. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/28 "2014-01-20T23:14:59Z")
When you are old enough, you can choose your family. No matter what they say, you can, in fact choose who you associate with. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/29 "2014-01-21T01:10:12Z")
I have been robbed more than once. My pocket has been picked, my home was broken into when I was away, my bag was taken of my arm, someone entered my home late at night when I was at home, my car has been robbed at least three times … every time I was glad no one got hurt. Well, no, the time someone cut their own damned self breaking in I was … evilly pleased by the workings of karma. I would never **want** to hurt someone over property. I know I would feel very differently if my family or my pets were hurt. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/30 "2014-01-21T01:11:12Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > You went out of your way to insult someone while you were a guest in their home/yard. Then you allowed the situation to escalate, creating an ugly scene. You screwed up. Bad. You should apologize, beg forgiveness, and promise never to do something so rude and thoughtless again. What are your thoughts on the person who uses her 5 year old daughter’s birthday party as a forum to announce her desire to kill her son’s classmates? ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/31 "2014-01-21T01:23:11Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > **A home invasion** is a very personal thing to experience and it naturally generates an emotional response that doesn’t always square with reality. It’s not the loss of a few easily replaceable trinkets that drives such a response. > > What you did was poke them in an emotionally sensitive spot and then proceeded to ramp it up. I thought the accepted meaning of a home invasion was people breaking in while you there, and attacking / accosting you? The family wasn’t home at the time, so I wouldn’t think this counts as a “home invasion” (note: in the literal sense of the word the home was invaded…) ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/32 "2014-01-21T01:31:56Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > So. Here’s the question, should a person simply ignore comments they don’t agree with for the peace of the family? I do it all the time! One family member is a dingbat, but I adore her small son and want to be in his life. If I went off, I wouldn’t be. I don’t think it’s unusual that people keep quiet for the sake of peace. It’s a matter of weighing what’s most important. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/33 "2014-01-21T02:00:34Z")
LOL, calling some one an idiot in their own home is some audacious shit. **Foxy40** , you were right to be aghast at such statements, but you were wrong to lash out like that. But hey, we’re only human and sometimes our emotions get the better of us. I would apologize if I were you. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/34 "2014-01-21T02:03:45Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > What are your thoughts on the person who uses her 5 year old daughter’s birthday party as a forum to announce her desire to kill her son’s classmates? If you’d bothered to read the OP, you’d know that the children were out in the yard during the discussion. One simply does not insult the host when one is a guest. If the host is insufferable, the guest should politely leave, and perhaps, not return. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/35 "2014-01-21T02:04:13Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > I must have missed the part where I feel like an oppressed victim. I do not. Perhaps you should reread the post and understand the point which is this… Should a person keep quiet about something they feel very passionately about to keep the peace? Gratefully, others got this and the consensus seems to be a resounding, YES. Speaking as someone incapable of doing so, I suspect they are right. Always perform a risk-benefit analysis, based on published and historical data (i.e. you should have known you were going to loose this one). Speaking as someone who knows you only through a few scattered posts on a message board, I cannot imagine you as oppressed by or a victim of anything. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/36 "2014-01-21T02:05:28Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > I thought the accepted meaning of a home invasion was people breaking in while you there, and attacking / accosting you? > > The family wasn’t home at the time, so I wouldn’t think this counts as a “home invasion” > > (note: in the literal sense of the word the home was invaded…) OK. Burglary and theft. There’s still a sense of violation involved. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/37 "2014-01-21T02:06:15Z")
Unless your brother and sister-in-law are actually sociopaths, I don’t think they truly meant that they wished they could have killed some juvenile delinquents. When a really loud Harley goes blatting by on a quiet summer evening, I enjoy picturing him flying off his bike and smashing headfirst into a tree - that doesn’t mean that I want to kill all Harley riders. It’s just a little emotional hyperbole. I think that’s what your brother and sister-in-law were engaging in. That said, calling someone an idiot and having a fight like that in their own home, at your niece’s birthday party was over the line. You are certainly free to disagree with their opinions, but you could have done it much, much better. Maybe said something like, “That seems awfully harsh - are you sure you really wish these kids dead?” If they kept on saying things like that, I’d drop it. ---
**Author:** ![FAL01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/59ef9b/32.png) [@FAL01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FAL01)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/38 "2014-01-21T02:06:16Z")
I do not think that you should shoot an intruder, particularly an unarmed teenager! I also think that you have the right to politely disagree with other people’s opinions regardless of whether they are family members. Conversations are dialogues back and forth; if everyone shared the same opinions then conversations would be rather dull as instead of teasing out a point people would simply congratulate each other on having the same opinions. However, there are a few people that I just smile and nod at regardless of what they say as they are complete idiots and there is simply no point in engaging in dialogue with them because they have the inability to comprehend another point of view or listen to logic. My decision to take the path of least resistance with these people is simply that I cannot be bothered to engage in a discussion that I know will go nowhere. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/39 "2014-01-21T02:12:03Z")
My family ranges all over the political spectrum. In 1972, I voted in the primaries for McGovern, my mother voted for Humphrey, my father voted for Nixon and my sister voted for Wallace. We **do not** discuss politics at family gatherings. Nor religion for that matter, for similar reasons. My sister even unfriended me on Facebook because of my political postings. I have the satisfaction of knowing that my nephew, my sister’s son, who is a minister, agrees with me politically, but he doesn’t discuss politics with his mother, either. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/40 "2014-01-21T02:28:56Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > To all who’ve talked about this as if the OP was debating politics (including the OP’s dad): NO. THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL DEBATE. THIS IS ABOUT BASIC FUCKING MORALITY, ABOUT GOOD VERSUS EVIL. It’s about somebody who was in a frightening situation trying to compensate for their fear and sense of violation by making macho, gung ho, statements. The OP’s brother and sister in law had been put in a situation where their private, safe space (because that’s what our homes are…our private spaces where we can feel safe and comfortable) had been violated, and done so by friends of the family; by people their son knew. Can you see how helpless that made them feel? And when you feel helpless, you compensate by setting up an alternative situation, where you’re in control, and you’re able to punish the people who made you feel that way. “Oh, sure, they broke in, but that was just because I wasn’t there. If I were, I would have given them a dose of buckshot between the eyes. That would have taught those bastards to break into MY house!” By saying that, the OP’s sister in law has taken herself out of the situation where he’s powerless, and, at least mentally, put herself in a hypothetical where she has total control, even over the life and death of the burglars, and is able to get her revenge on them for making her feel so weak and vulnerable. So the OP responds to that by saying she’s an idiot for talking like that? The OP’s sister in law was looking for validation. She was looking for the OP to say, in effect, “Yeah, you could have handled those bastards. If it was a fair situation, you could have taken them”, but instead got called a terrible person. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292.md?page=3)