# Please Swallow Their BS, They're FAMILY... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 20, 2014, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292 "2014-01-20T18:09:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/41 "2014-01-21T02:35:56Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That said, calling someone an idiot and having a fight like that in their own home, at your niece’s birthday party was over the line. You are certainly free to disagree with their opinions, but you could have done it much, much better. Maybe said something like, “That seems awfully harsh - are you sure you really wish these kids dead?” If they kept on saying things like that, I’d drop it. I agree. But then if they continued to insist that they sincerely are disappointed they missed out on the opportunity to kill unarmed kids, even though they got caught anyway(!), I would leave and probably break contact with them altogether because that’s evil. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/42 "2014-01-21T03:06:02Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > It’s about somebody who was in a frightening situation trying to compensate for their fear and sense of violation by making macho, gung ho, statements. The OP’s brother and sister in law had been put in a situation where their private, safe space (because that’s what our homes are…our private spaces where we can feel safe and comfortable) had been violated, and done so by friends of the family; by people their son knew. > > Can you see how helpless that made them feel? … That someone broke in while they were all safely somewhere else? I don’t have to “see”, I know, it happened to me. That was nothing. That was annoying. I know how hopeless it made me feel to be the one who heard someone enter my home while my loved ones (including the damned useless dog) were asleep. To try to rapidly evaluate my options while I was half asleep; to try to remember where the damned phone was, if it was charged, listen to the footsteps to decide if I had time to wake people up and get them down the back stairs, curse the damn sleeping dog, … And you know what I thought when I remembered we have a gun? “Thank God it’s in the safe where he can’t get it.” It never crossed my mind to try to kill someone for trying to steal my property. You know why? I don’t think my damned laptop is worth more than another human. I do not think **Foxy40** handle the situation in the most tactful manner, but, no, I have no damned patience with people who want to spread their little action-movie fueled fantasies of the world and, quite possibly, get some poor bastard killed and I will not defend them. My laptop is not worth anyone’s life. Neither is yours. Neither is Foxy’s SIL’s. That is non-negotiable in a civilized society. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/43 "2014-01-21T03:32:46Z")
Recent conversation with my mother: Mom: … I don’t want to end up estranged from my sister, but your cousin’s hijinks are the kind of shit that makes families split. How do you feel about— wait a minute… you broke up with your cousin ages ago, didn’t you? Me: When we were 19. But since I didn’t scream and didn’t throw things, she never figured it out. In my case the issue was that my cousin is one of those people who think that cheating will always be better than following the rules (written or not). I go to family shindings, smile, pass the salt, but if she ever caught on fire in front of me I’d be busy evacuating the premises. The thieves who robbed our house strangled my canary. That still doesn’t make it right to shoot at them. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/44 "2014-01-21T03:33:14Z")
What is more important to you…being right or being happy? ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/45 "2014-01-21T03:39:04Z")
> [@Enola\_Straight](#): > > What is more important to you…being right or being happy? A person can be both right AND happy in this situation. Who said Foxy40’s family makes them happy? Personally I don’t understand why people put up with so much crap over “family”. They’re just people like anybody else. You either like a person or you don’t. Well guess what, you don’t have to associate with anybody if you don’t want. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/46 "2014-01-21T03:51:16Z")
**Nava** , I will try to follow your example, in real life if not on message boards, I admire your priorities, and I am so sorry about your canary. > [@Nava](#): > > Recent conversation with my mother: > > Mom: … I don’t want to end up estranged from my sister, but your cousin’s hijinks are the kind of shit that makes families split. How do you feel about— wait a minute… you broke up with your cousin ages ago, didn’t you? > Me: When we were 19. But since I didn’t scream and didn’t throw things, she never figured it out. > > In my case the issue was that my cousin is one of those people who think that cheating will always be better than following the rules (written or not). I go to family shindings, smile, pass the salt, but if she ever caught on fire in front of me I’d be busy evacuating the premises. > > The thieves who robbed our house strangled my canary. That still doesn’t make it right to shoot at them. ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/47 "2014-01-21T04:39:51Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > So. Here’s the question, should a person simply ignore comments they don’t agree with for the peace of the family? Also, if you want to comment whether or not you think they should shoot or shoot not shoot an intruder, knock yourself out. No, a person shouldn’t simply ignore comments to keep the peace within the family. That call is up to each person, after weighing the details of the situation. There is no ‘should’. I firmly believe that sometimes ‘the peace’ isn’t worth keeping if it costs more than you’re willing to pay. And each person gets to judge when to speak up and when it’s not worth it to them. But (re: your story), while I firmly believe you shouldn’t have to sit there with your mouth shut and ignore those comments, I also think in the story you told, you were very much in the wrong and owe them an apology. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/48 "2014-01-21T04:43:50Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > So. Here’s the question, should a person simply ignore comments they don’t agree with for the peace of the family? It depends on the comment, I guess. The last family argument I got into was with a cousin bragging that hey, if her kids didn’t turn to prostitution or drugs, she’s done a _great_ job. My cousin and her husband make over $100k a year combined and raised their two (pretty great) kids in a custom-built McMansion in the suburbs. Yeah, making sure they aren’t crack dealers must have been a real challenge. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/49 "2014-01-21T05:51:53Z")
> [@j666](#): > > And you know what I thought when I remembered we have a gun? “Thank God it’s in the safe where he can’t get it.” It never crossed my mind to try to kill someone for trying to steal my property. You know why? I don’t think my damned laptop is worth more than another human. Remind me again how many people the OP’s sister in law killed? Because I thought she just vented her revenge fantasies to family members. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/50 "2014-01-21T11:35:41Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > It’s about somebody who was in a frightening situation I’ve read the OP carefully, and I’m missing the ‘frightening’ part here. Could you quote? > [@](#): > > trying to compensate for their fear and sense of violation by making macho, gung ho, statements. The OP’s brother and sister in law had been put in a situation where their private, safe space (because that’s what our homes are…our private spaces where we can feel safe and comfortable) had been violated, and done so by friends of the family; by people their son knew. “People their son knew” aren’t “friends of the family.” And boy, you’re really stretching hard to try to make it sound like this is on a par with their daughter being raped or something. > [@](#): > > Can you see how helpless that made them feel? No, not at all. A couple of kids broke in, tried to take some minor stuff, ran when the motion detector went off, got caught (almost immediately, from the sound of it). Likelihood of a repeat? Negligible. Omigod, what if we’d been home when the Bad Men With Guns broke in! Oh wait, no guns, just a coupla kids who’d have run even faster if they’d encountered an actual person. And this conversation is happening weeks later, after they’ve had plenty of time to absorb this and generally settle down. Nah, I’m calling these people out as evil fucks who are upset, sure, but mostly because they missed their big chance to legally pump someone full of bullet holes. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/51 "2014-01-21T11:55:06Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > I’ve read the OP carefully, and I’m missing the ‘frightening’ part here. Could you quote? > > “People their son knew” aren’t “friends of the family.” And boy, you’re really stretching hard to try to make it sound like this is on a par with their daughter being raped or something. > > No, not at all. A couple of kids broke in, tried to take some minor stuff, ran when the motion detector went off, got caught (almost immediately, from the sound of it). Likelihood of a repeat? Negligible. Omigod, what if we’d been home when the Bad Men With Guns broke in! Oh wait, no guns, just a coupla kids who’d have run even faster if they’d encountered an actual person. > > And this conversation is happening weeks later, after they’ve had plenty of time to absorb this and generally settle down. > > Nah, I’m calling these people out as evil fucks who are upset, sure, but mostly because they missed their big chance to legally pump someone full of bullet holes. You sound incredibly naive. Not everyone can compartmentalize the SIL situation as easily as you supposedly can. And calling some one “Evil fucks” as if they actually _did_ kill the invading teens, goes beyond the pail. They we’re venting and what the SIL said bares no resemblance of what might have actually transpired had they been home. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/52 "2014-01-21T12:27:31Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > They we’re venting and what the SIL said bares no resemblance of what might have actually transpired had they been home. Venting? It’s been weeks since the incident and she’s still saying that she wishes she were home to kill the intruders. Intruders that she now knows are stupid kids looking for an X-Box and not a career criminal with a history of drug abuse and violence. Nobody who disagrees with her position is allowed to confront her, since it would be “rude” and cause a fight, she’s living in an echo chamber, where the only people who comment are those who say “Hells Yeah!” ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/53 "2014-01-21T12:49:39Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > Venting? It’s been weeks since the incident and she’s still saying that she wishes she were home to kill the intruders. Intruders that she now knows are stupid kids looking for an X-Box and not a career criminal with a history of drug abuse and violence. > > Nobody who disagrees with her position is allowed to confront her, since it would be “rude” and cause a fight, she’s living in an echo chamber, where the only people who comment are those who say “Hells Yeah!” You know, I have a friend who has a CCW. He carries his gun around with him wherever he goes. He once noticed someone had scratched his brand new Corvette. A scratch mind you, that was easily buffed out. He’s made the claim on more than one occasion that he wished he could have been there when the scratch happened so he could shoot the guy. I’m betting, maybe, just maybe, if he was actually there to witness the event, NOBODY would have got shot that day. This may come as a shock to you, but there are a large segment of gun owners out there who like to talk a big game, when in actuality, they wouldn’t do half of the grandiose things they claim they would. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/54 "2014-01-21T12:50:11Z")
The wanna-be shooters don’t sound like they would be inclined to change their minds about very many things, particularly something they care so much about. Of course they are in the wrong and quite twisted in their desire to kill people over some possessions. But I wouldn’t have argued with them. My brother in law is a real right winger, Vietnam vet who shares a lot of Tea Party type posts on Facebook. I don’t fight with him as it’s not going to change his mind any more than he would change mine. I think it’s best to tolerate what you can’t change. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/55 "2014-01-21T13:20:33Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > LOL, calling some one an idiot in their own home is some audacious shit. > **Foxy40** , you were right to be aghast at such statements, but you were wrong to lash out like that. But hey, we’re only human and sometimes our emotions get the better of us. > I would apologize if I were you. Just to set the record straight, this was not their home. It was my parent’s home. This was not their party, they were guests as was I. I guess officially they were guests of my sister who was throwing the party at my parent’s house. I’ve never considered myself a guest in my parent’s home so none of that really pertains to the issue. It was a conversation taking place between family members at a place we all feel comfortable and at home. None of the parties involved could claim domicile. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/56 "2014-01-21T13:25:44Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > OK. > Burglary and theft. There’s still a sense of violation involved. Perhaps the fact that I was burglarized a few months ago and lost a family heirloom valued at thousands of dollars and other jewelry made me less sympathetic to their plight. My thieves were not caught but not once did I wish I was home so I could kill them. I have shed tears over that ring and have that sinking feeling in my stomach right now just thinking about the loss but not once did I wish they were caught and executed for their crime. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/57 "2014-01-21T13:40:21Z")
Shakes, shooting someone who is invading/burglarizing your home is what owning a gun for “home defense” means. It is why people keep guns loaded in the home, it’s why people bristle at the idea of mandatory gun locks/safes that can’t be opened rapidly. Shooting someone who has broken into your home is an act that is specifically endorsed by legislation, depending on the State you live in. Shooting someone who scratched your car is a completely different concept. You get 20 years of hard time for that, instead of a pat on the back from the cops. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/58 "2014-01-21T14:16:01Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > Shakes, shooting someone who is invading/burglarizing your home is what owning a gun for “home defense” means. It is why people keep guns loaded in the home, it’s why people bristle at the idea of mandatory gun locks/safes that can’t be opened rapidly. Shooting someone who has broken into your home is an act that is specifically endorsed by legislation, depending on the State you live in. > > Shooting someone who scratched your car is a completely different concept. You get 20 years of hard time for that, instead of a pat on the back from the cops. I hope one of the LEOs on this board comes on here and tells you how many incidents there are where somebody pulled a gun and _didn’t_ use it verses the number of people who pulled a gun and _did_ use it. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/59 "2014-01-21T14:43:45Z")
So there are lots of armed people out there who’ll pull a gun on me for scratching their car, but might not actually shoot me… and I’m supposed to be reassured by this? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292/60 "2014-01-21T14:58:40Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > So there are lots of armed people out there who’ll pull a gun on me for scratching their car, but might not actually shoot me… and I’m supposed to be reassured by this? No, but you can be reassured that a lot of these people are just talking shit. When given the opportunity, they don’t actually do anything. For instance, my friend who claims he would like to “shoot” the guy who scratched his car has never actually pulled a gun on anyone. Including the time a guy threatened to kick his ass for being a douche. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-swallow-their-bs-theyre-family/679292.md?page=4)