# Please tell me what I am... **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [April 5, 2000, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953 "2000-04-05T05:25:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CalifBoomer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f1d935/32.png) [@CalifBoomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalifBoomer)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/61 "2000-04-06T05:40:00Z")
Satan: I like yer style. You show sincerity, candor and (yes) humility in the OP. These three are the beginning of wisdom. docandjean said simply: > [@](#): > > If you feel like God is in your heart, don’t bother trying to put a name on it. It’s not the prayer book or the building that makes a difference in our lives, it’s letting God speak to us, and through us. For all of us, the search is a journey, not a destination. It’s an unfolding process of discovery, discard and replace until the fit is right. In my case, it took 25 years to move from ‘godless hellraiser’ to Christian believer-and I still have major problems with some Christian denominations. I don’t know what your I.Q. is, but judging by your posts it’s way up there. Try to remember that connecting with God is not solely an intellectual endeavor. God is bigger than that. Try them all on. Read the Koran, the Torah (Old Testament), the New Testament. Talk to Buddhists, Moslems, Jews & Christians. Practice prayer and meditation. Reach out to God and He **will** reveal Himself to you! BTW- hang onto your ass with both hands. You’re in for one helluva ride. * * * Doppler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/62 "2000-04-06T05:45:00Z")
Satan, so glad you have found a “lead” in a church to investigate. Bear in mind, (you already know this) individual congregations vary - one might suck, another might be perfect for you. So look around at different congregations (if possible) of this church you are interested in. And, most importantly, listen to your heart, listen to God, and ask God. * * * * * * Polydactyl Cats Unlimited “A Cat Cannot Have Too Many Toes” ---
**Author:** ![CheapBastid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8baadc/32.png) [@CheapBastid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheapBastid)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/63 "2000-04-06T07:28:00Z")
It is really late, but I could resist posting. I have the simplest answer to your question. Main Entry: Sa·tan Pronunciation: 'sA-t&n Function: _noun_ Etymology: Middle English, from Old English, from Late Latin, from Greek, from Hebrew _sAtAn_ adversary Date: before 12th century : the adversary of God and lord of evil in Judaism and Christianity _…how could I resist…_ The **real** reason I wanted to post (other than my attempt at humor) was to thank you for your candor, and thank all those who posted their similar queries and experiences in response to your OP. I find myself in a similar position, and with a wife (and a child on the horizon) the question of Denomination is becoming more important. I’ve considered myself an Atheist, A-Theist, Pantheist, Pagan, Agnostic, A-Gnostic, Deist, Theist, and most often recently I refer to myself (when asked) as a Non-Practicing Zen Buddhist. The wife is a Daughter-of-the-Revolution-Baptist-Raised green eyed blond beauty who considers herself a Great Vehicle Buddhist. We both agree with the concept of God as a Many Faceted Jewel that reveals itself in different ways to different cultures. Much food for contemplation here, and I thank all of you for your contributions. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/64 "2000-04-06T12:01:00Z")
**Satan** > [@](#): > > Is there some kind of faith which would encompass what I believe to be true with all of my heart? Yes. The kind of faith that’s already there in your heart. Belief is our gift to God; faith is His gift to us. God go with you always. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/65 "2000-04-06T14:19:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Satan** : > > How ironic that I can tell everyone that I found my church because a fag told me! Huzzah! A convert! Oh, wait a minute - I converted **Satan** to Unitarian Universalism. Now, on the one hand, this is quite a coup; on the other, the radical right will have a field day. My question is, do I still get my toaster oven? 😃 > [@](#): > > What is also nice is that there is a branch of this church right here in Raleigh… I’ve been to that church for a conference! Nice friendly place - I think you’ll like it. > [@](#): > > … for such a liberal and according to the site “child-friendly” church, it is almost all old white dudes according to the demographics page. Kinda odd, IMHO. Why would this be (although the Raleigh church could be different, I don’t know until i go)? Every church is different, and it usually depends on not only the surrounding community, but also on how many UU churches there are in the immediate metropolitan area. For example, in the loop around Washington, DC, I think there are 6 congregations, and each one is slightly different in demographics, predominant worship style, etc. People just shop around until they find the one they feel most comfortable in. > [@](#): > > Also, it said something about two churches merging, and some of the churches are called Uniterian, others Universalist, and others UU. Is there really any difference between them all? Does one denomination teach a different thing in any way? Or is it just that a church which has such an open view about how it’s congregations worship is also a bit lax on getting the new signs painted up (which is what I suspect)? The Universalists and the Unitarians each go back seperately through the history of Christianity, but the two churches officially joined in 1961. However, some wanted, I think, to maintain their pre-'61 theology/doxology/worship practices, so they stuck with what they already were. They are members of the UUA, and by default follow the same set of values, but they individually consider themselves one or the other. You’d have to visit the church to really see the difference, I think. The vast majority of the churches are UU, though. > [@](#): > > Also, I realize that some fundamentalist Christians still think that this church is just another path to hell. Check out my [Liberal Religions](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001118.html) thread for some more discussion on UUism. I’ve been called a tree-worshipper, a member of a cult, a Satanist, you name it. I’m so happy you may have found what you’re looking for - congrats! 🙂 Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Occam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Occam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Occam)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/66 "2000-04-06T14:35:00Z")
Please Satan, like I care about defining you and your beliefs. If you haven’t it figured it out yet, no one here will get you any closer. But hey, a thread all about you…great. {Now back to your regularly scheduled egotistical thread, already in progress.} ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/67 "2000-04-06T15:49:00Z")
Well. Guess I can’t top that, huh, Occam? :rolleyes: **Brian** :FWIW, I attended a few services at the Raleigh UU church several years ago, and it wasn’t at all inundated by old white guys. White, mostly, but lots of young folks and families, and good music. I enjoyed it. -andros- (aside– **Boomer** , why can’t you post like that all the time? You contribute greatly when you aren’t slavering. And BTW, that’s “_Dopeler_ effect.” It’s a pun on Doppler.) ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/68 "2000-04-06T16:01:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Please Satan, like I care about defining you and your beliefs. Well, where you don’t care, countless other people have offered advice and given him outlets for research to further his search. > [@](#): > > If you haven’t it figured it out yet, no one here will get you any closer. Have you even read this thread? If you had, you’d notice that thanks to the suggestions of someone in this thread, Satan has checked out some churches that he may never have found before. While I would say that nobody has the easy answer, the answers people have given can certainly help him along in his journey. But, oh, wait, you don’t care. Pardon me for forgetting about the overwhelming apathy that forced you to post. > [@](#): > > But hey, a thread all about you…great. Yeah, I think it is great. This thread has helped me, for example, and it may have helped other people as well. But you’d never get past accusing other people of egotism to see that, would you? Keep this thread going, folks, despite the human speed bumps. I, for one, find it interesting, informative, and helpful in my own search. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/69 "2000-04-06T16:46:00Z")
I didn’t realize that deism specifically meant a non-inteventionalist deity. Perhaps the word I should have used was theist. In any case, as an Orthodox Jew, I can quite honestly tell you I’m glad you’re looking closely at your ancestral religion (well, on your mother’s side, but to Jews, that’s what counts). I’ll try not to be too pushy. Best of luck in your search. Chaim Mattis Keller ---
**Author:** ![Gaudere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e495f1/32.png) [@Gaudere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaudere)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/70 "2000-04-06T18:03:00Z")
[Moderator Hat ON] **Satan:** kindly STOP posting your post directed at Occam (the one that starts with “If this were The Pit, I would merely call you…”), please. I have deleted it _four_ times now, and after I deleted the first one I sent an email regarding it to your listed email address. Your post is inappropriate for this forum. [Moderator Hat OFF] ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/71 "2000-04-06T18:18:00Z")
Gaudere: I just got out of a meeting. I have been away from my desk since I hit “submit” on the post - ONCE. I didn’t repost ANYTHING four times. And I just checked my e-mail, so only now am I seeing the e-mail. If your server is screwing up (and how many multiple posts have there been lately? A lot? Yes, that’s what I thought), please don’t blame me if it’s posting stuff while I’m not even at my desk. And please do refrain from calling me out in public before you get a response back from me. I think that’s only proper, especially given the wonkiness of the board lately. ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/72 "2000-04-06T18:20:00Z")
Gaudere: I just got out of a meeting. I have been away from my desk since I hit “submit” on the post - ONCE. I didn’t repost ANYTHING four times. And I just checked my e-mail, so only now am I seeing the e-mail. If your server is screwing up (and how many multiple posts have there been lately? A lot? Yes, that’s what I thought), please don’t blame me if it’s posting stuff while I’m not even at my desk. And please do refrain from calling me out in public before you get a response back from me. I think that’s only proper, especially given the wonkiness of the board lately. ---
**Author:** ![Gaudere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e495f1/32.png) [@Gaudere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaudere)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/73 "2000-04-06T18:35:00Z")
::sigh:: I figured the first three were a mistake. The fourth was significantly later, so I assumed you did not see the post and posted it again. I _had_ to “call you out” in public, since if you weren’t checking your email I could spend hours deleting your post (and you wouldn’t see the post and would repost, and I’d delete again, and you’d repost…you wouldn’t be doing it to hassle me, but it _would_ be a huge hassle). FWIW, if you only hit “submit” once, I apologize. Such occurences are rare, however. I have only heard of one, and most people fess 'up that they hit submit more than once when they multipost; I do not think it was unreasonable to assume that a single post that showed up 45 minutes to an hour after your first three was a separate post, and for all I know you rarely check the email I sent my message to. I thought it best to alert you in this thread as to _why_ your post was disappearing, to prevent excessive cleanup effort on my part and excessive posting effort on yours. ---
**Author:** ![Occam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Occam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Occam)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/74 "2000-04-06T19:01:00Z")
Drain Bead, " the answers people have given can certainly help him along in his journey. But, oh, wait, you don’t care. Pardon me for forgetting about the overwhelming apathy that forced you to post." No, not apathy. I was pointing out that I think a little self-reflection on Satan’s part will go farther than any number of posts from pop-theists. This is Great Debates honey, unless I completely missed the point in the OP this thread isn’t about religion so much as it is about Satan…so I think it’s in the wrong forum. “Yeah, I think it is great. This thread has helped me, for example, and it may have helped other people as well.” SHINEY HAPPY PEOPLE! Straight Dope can start a Montel style support group then. I say this still doesn’t belong here. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/75 "2000-04-06T19:12:00Z")
**Occam** , forgive me if I come off as impertinent, as I don’t know you really at all, but if I may offer: If you don’t like this thread, don’t read it, let alone post to it. Perhaps you’re banging your head against a wall because it feels good when you stop? Seems kind of pointless to spit into the wind here when each and every other poster lo these two pages has obviously gotten something from the discussion at hand. Esprix, who really isn’t looking to make enemies, and hopes he hasn’t here * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) (or, if you prefer the Jesusfied version, [Asketh the damn Priest Guy!](http://www.askjesus.org/ask.cgi?http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html)) ---
**Author:** ![Gaudere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e495f1/32.png) [@Gaudere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaudere)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/76 "2000-04-06T19:26:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I say this still doesn’t belong here. Well, if people don’t stop sniping at each other, I can send it to the Pit. 😉 \<–(only partly kidding) Seriously, I decree that Manny probably made a good call in moving this thread to GD since this is where most religious threads hang out, and if y’all want to talk extensively about whether Satan is egotistical or not, please start a Pit thread. (Still, I’m hoping ferverently that I don’t get a suite of twenty similar threads like “I’ve just discovered politics. What am I–liberal, conservative or moderate?”, “I’ve just discovered alcohol–am I a moderate drinker or a drunk?” or “I’ve lost half the hair on my head–am I bald, thinning or reeding hairline?”) * * * Like all religions, the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorn is based upon both logic and faith. We have faith that She is pink; logically, we know She is invisible because we can’t see Her. ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/77 "2000-04-06T19:35:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Occam: > > \*\*This is Great Debates honey, unless I completely missed the point in the OP this thread isn’t about religion so much as it is about Satan…so I think it’s in the wrong forum. \*\* (1) Take it up with Manhattan, the moderator who moved it here (I originally posted it in General Questions, as a matter of fact), and Gaudere, the moderator who has posted in it several times, seems to think that it belongs here as well. Seems like you were and still are spouting off without knowing any of the facts (such as that I _did_ post it in another forum, and it _was_ moved, specifically here). Well, this is Great Debates, _honey_, and we kind of like the facts here. (2) I used myself as a person, however, the tenents of what I believe could be applied to anyone (and if you read the threat, several people said it applied somewhat to them). So what if I personalized it? I could pull a ton of threads where people talk about things that happened to them in particular. Doesn’t mean that they don’t apply to everyone, someone, or can. Now, you want I should go through Great Debates and find a slew of such posts, or are you going to wise up and agree with me? (3) You’re lucky Gaudere (a moderator you pretty much dissed by saying that a thread in a forum she moderates, and she posted to shouldn’t be in that thread) deleted my response to your first post. Trust me… You didn’t want to mess with me before; now that I got God on my side, you’re toast, pal. 😃 > [@](#): > > **SHINEY HAPPY PEOPLE! Straight Dope can start a Montel style support group then. I say this still doesn’t belong here.** Look, redundancy boy… You made your point. Without the facts you needed to avoid looking stupid or impunging the moderators here, I might add. Anything else to add? ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/78 "2000-04-06T19:39:00Z")
> [@](#): > > No, not apathy. I was pointing out that I think a little self-reflection on Satan’s part will go farther than any number of posts from pop-theists. Yes, but self-reflection can be furthered and enhanced when, after figuring out what you want, you ask other people if there’s anything that fits it. Which is why . . . > [@](#): > > This is Great Debates honey, . . . this was orignally posted in General Questions, snookums. ---
**Author:** ![Nen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Nen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nen)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/79 "2000-04-06T19:45:00Z")
[Pseudo-Moderator Hat ON] I will concede that I can’t move this thread to the Pit as the lovely Gaudere can, nor do I currently possess the desire to be a moderator, but I can whine like hell if driven to. In Satan’s defense, this thread originated in GQ. That is a forum in which members are permitted to make personalized inquiries. IMHO, the thread was moved here because the intended response would be better elicited in this forum. Ignore the thread if it does not suit one’s palate. Although this thread began on a personal note, I think that it adresses thoughts which drive one to align with a particular religion. This topic is worthy of GD. Pertaining to personal attacks, open a new thread in the Pit and allow this thread to continue in its benevolent fashion. If ye fail to obey these laws set before ye, ye shall incurreth the whiny wrath of Nen! Consider yeself warned! [Pseudo-Moderator Hat OFF] ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2000, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953/80 "2000-04-06T20:13:00Z")
Satan wrote, in the OP: > [@](#): > > I have found a woman who makes me feel more alive than I have ever felt before. This may sound odd, but upon meeting her, and falling in love with her, for the first time in my life I felt the presence and decided in my heart that there was a God. This won’t answer the main question of our OP (i.e. what kind of religion, or lack thereof, you should say you now belong to) – but in the past I’ve felt something similar to what you describe, and thought I’d share my take on it. That feeling, that presence you describe – did it feel like there was something outside yourself, outside of your control, taking over within your body? (Sort-of like the way an orgasm grabs hold and takes over for a few seconds, only different?) That’s what I recall happening. Once, it was extremely intense. And every time, it was something really really nice, if a little scary in that it felt like I had no control over it. I am quite certain that what I felt taking over in those circumstances was not an “outside” force, but my own unconscious, hardwired instincts. Those instincts evolved a loooooong way back in our ancient ancient vertebrate ancestors to bolster their chances for survival and reproductive success. Brain structure seems to be “layered”, with the cerebral cortex (the seat of consciousness) sitting on top of the thalamus. The cortex is “connected” to the thalamus, but it’s not an integral part of it. Similarly, the thalamus is connected to the hypothalamus (from which the most basic, instinctive feelings arise), but the thalamus is not an integral part of the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus appears to have evolved first, then the thalamus evolved on top of it, then the cortex evolved on top of _that_. Thus, what was probably happening during these “peak experiences” was that my hypothalamus was screaming “yes yes yes!” to my thalamus, and my thalamus was shouting, “get a load of this great news from the hypothalamus!” to my cerebral cortex. No _wonder_ the experience felt like it was coming from the “outside”! Incidentally, in the more obvious case of orgasms, I firmly believe that it is because the experience takes over from your conscious control that people like to scream “Oh God!” during one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-what-i-am/17953.md?page=5)