# Please tell me why you think I'm an asshole. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 8, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182 "2004-07-08T22:47:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/1 "2004-07-08T22:47:47Z")
_I_ don’t think of myself as an asshole. I think of someone who’s not as good as getting my tone across in typing as in speaking, and I’m someone who has a short temper sometimes and who sometimes posts, quickly, things I come to regret in time. I have a great deal of confidence in my own critical judgment, and will sometimes defend to the death things that really don’t need to be defended to the death. And I’m someone whose default tone of communication, in real life, is sardonic and cynical sarcasm; I am too much in the habit of trying to sound clever rather than communicate simply and clearly. Obviously, this constellation of traits (positive and negative) have combined to undermine my credibility in this forum. So please, educate me about my board persona. ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/2 "2004-07-08T22:55:56Z")
I don’t think you’re an asshole. In fact, you and I agree on most subjects in the pit. I do, however, feel that you need to learn when to walk around the block and keep your mouth(or fingers) silent at times. Unfortunately, this is one of those times. Sam ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/3 "2004-07-08T23:02:11Z")
You aren’t an asshole. But you can be one, in spades. You quite often don’t know when to quit, and you can seldom see the line in the sand that you cross numerous times. ---
**Author:** ![malkavia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malkavia/32/5621_2.png) [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/4 "2004-07-08T23:07:57Z")
I think that you are an asshole for picking on poor, defenseless **Liberal**. _darts eyes back and forth_ Aw, who’m I kidding, I think you’re rad and only hate you for saying the things that I either wish I’d thought of first or flat out don’t have the balls to say. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/5 "2004-07-08T23:08:21Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > You aren’t an asshole. But you can be one, in spades. You quite often don’t know when to quit, and you can seldom see the line in the sand that you cross numerous times. Well, yes, I agree with both accusations. I’m interested in specifics, if you have the inclination. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/6 "2004-07-08T23:13:49Z")
I posted a thread virtually identical to this and it got closed within about 5 replies. I can’t remember a time I’ve thought bad of you **lissener** but then again you and I have probably never had a conversation together or posted in more than a few of the same threads. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/7 "2004-07-08T23:51:44Z")
I _used_ to think you were an asshole, but I don’t any more. I do think you have an unreasonably thin skin, and a tin ear for how your tone comes across in print. But also I think you’re basically a pretty good guy, plenty smart, and overall an asset to the boards. I also think opening this thread, especially after just getting told off by a mod in your pitting of **Liberal** , was a really bad move. If I were you, I’d ask the mods to close both of them and take breather from the boards for a little while. It’d be a shame to lose you. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/8 "2004-07-08T23:53:15Z")
[From your other Pit thread:](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=265487) > [@lissener](#): > > …I’ll withdraw for now. This was followed up by three more posts in barely 10 minutes. I realize you admitted in your OP that had a tendency to post too quickly sometimes, I just think that this is a good example of that. I know you and I have clashed a few times (although you probably don’t remember). The only thing I could suggest would be to _be patient_. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/9 "2004-07-08T23:55:00Z")
“for now” meant "until the namecalling dies down and someone has something substantive to respond to. ---
**Author:** ![Apos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@Apos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apos)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/10 "2004-07-09T00:04:26Z")
Pitting someone else, and then pitting yourself in short order. That’s not a good sign. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/11 "2004-07-09T00:05:18Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > “for now” meant "until the namecalling dies down and someone has something substantive to respond to. Then why _did_ you respond three more times? You’re not just trying to pad your post count, are you? ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/12 "2004-07-09T00:05:36Z")
> [@Apos](#): > > Pitting someone else, and then pitting yourself in short order. . . . . . . or taking the hint and giving a hijack its own room. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/13 "2004-07-09T00:07:34Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > So please, educate me about my board persona. You might want to review several of the Cafe threads about movies and pay particular attention to the ones that include Starship Troopers or Showgirls. You have a habit of appearing hostile whenever someone disagrees with you about certain subjects. Marc ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/14 "2004-07-09T00:15:51Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > Then why _did_ you respond three more times? You’re not just trying to pad your post count, are you? . . . because the namecalling had died down and there was something substantive to respond to. ---
**Author:** ![Orual](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/779978/32.png) [@Orual](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orual)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/15 "2004-07-09T00:17:59Z")
> [@MGibson](#): > > You might want to review several of the Cafe threads about movies and pay particular attention to the ones that include Starship Troopers or Showgirls. You have a habit of appearing hostile whenever someone disagrees with you about certain subjects. > > Marc Ditto this. I’m sure it isn’t intentional, but you come across like you think that people who don’t agree with you are less intelligent than you. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/16 "2004-07-09T00:18:14Z")
> [@MGibson](#): > > You might want to review several of the Cafe threads about movies and pay particular attention to the ones that include Starship Troopers or Showgirls. You have a habit of appearing hostile whenever someone disagrees with you about certain subjects. > > Marc I’ve reviewed the threads, many times. Please be specific, if you’re so inclined. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/17 "2004-07-09T00:19:57Z")
> [@Orual](#): > > Ditto this. I’m sure it isn’t intentional, but you come across like you think that people who don’t agree with you are less intelligent than you. See, it’s the “come across” part that I really can’t get a handle on. That’s never what I mean to express, but people still read that into my posts with alarming frequency. I’d great appreciate specific quotes. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/18 "2004-07-09T01:00:09Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > . . . because the namecalling had died down and there was something substantive to respond to. Perhaps simply waiting for another decent post to come along would have sufficed, instead of having to declare your decision to wait what turned out to be not very long at all? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/19 "2004-07-09T01:06:48Z")
I think it comes down to suspicion, that is, I think (based solely on observing your own behavior here) that you develop an automatic suspicion against people that disagree with you or clash with you in some way, be it politics or art or whatever. This would probably result in you being more hostile toward them, probably totally unconsciously. I’d suggest that you go back and re-read some of your posts with this in mind, maybe identify a pattern of yours that would give this impression. 'Course, take anything I say with a grain of salt, since I can only guess based on the few posts of your’n that I happen to notice. Although I do hope to be helpful, and certainly don’t want you to feel like an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182/20 "2004-07-09T01:12:05Z")
For what it’s worth, there are some truly colossal assholes on this board. In my opinion, you are far from the worst offender. You can be enormously irritating sometimes, but you’re not the worst by any stretch of the imagination. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-tell-me-why-you-think-im-an-asshole/254182.md?page=2)