# Poem for My Printer: A Rant

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-for-my-printer-a-rant/104013>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [April 16, 2002, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-for-my-printer-a-rant/104013 "2002-04-16T20:55:16Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 5\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\
**Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-for-my-printer-a-rant/104013/1 "2002-04-16T20:55:16Z")

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Sometimes a girl just has had enough…  
Poem for My Printer: A Rant

Oh, I think I can imagine who you were,  
in a former incarnation. Ah! Wife cheater, thief,  
slow driver in the fast lane! You, who would act  
as though you didn’t see the “13 Items or Less” sign  
on a Saturday afternoon at Kroger; who would buy  
your wife an iron for Christmas; who would pay  
your newpaper carrier late and with a bad check.

Did you once push aside an elderly lady at the airport,  
not because you were late for your plane, but because you  
really wanted an Orange Julius? How about  
trying on new shoes when your feet were smelly? And  
let’s not forget the chocolates that you nibbled a corner of  
and returned to the box if they were nougat.

And now, here you are…No corporate,  
climate-controlled office for you, no restful, quiet church  
office. This life, although it may be mercifully short,  
will be spent in the company of sticky-handed children,  
cats who like the heat you generate, adults who have no patience  
with your need for fresh ink and a supply of quality paper.  
Perhaps you feel I should apologize  
for yanking your plug, turning you on your side,  
and banging your smooth grey casing on the desk to remove  
the Lego lodged in your guts, or  
for the electrical tape that adorns, for no good reason, one side  
of your printer-cartridge lift-top. Perhaps, then, you  
should remember the Valentine cards  
you didn’t send, the cars you egged  
on prom night, all those steaming piles  
of shit you let your gummy-eyed poodle leave  
on someone else’s lawn.

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**Author:** ![seawitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@seawitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seawitch)\
**Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-for-my-printer-a-rant/104013/2 "2002-04-16T22:40:14Z")

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BWAHAHAHA!! I love this.

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**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\
**Post date:** [April 17, 2002, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-for-my-printer-a-rant/104013/3 "2002-04-17T00:14:44Z")

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Definitely funny stuff!

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**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\
**Post date:** [April 17, 2002, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-for-my-printer-a-rant/104013/4 "2002-04-17T05:28:55Z")

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Now THIS is poetry.

You rule.

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**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\
**Post date:** [April 17, 2002, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-for-my-printer-a-rant/104013/5 "2002-04-17T12:37:59Z")

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[modest poet voice]  
Thank you, thank you. You know, it **IS** National Poetry Month after all, so I am only too happy to provide a little poetry to…well…\<sniff sniff\>…bring a little light to the lives of others! And feed the hungry, too! Feel free to leave a small donation on your way out. Does anyone have any tissues???  
[/modest poet voice]

😃  
k