# Poem -- Surprise Ending! **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [November 16, 2005, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387 "2005-11-16T21:20:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/21 "2005-11-17T03:24:59Z")
> [@E-Sabbath](#): > > realize you’re not alone. I am. ---
**Author:** ![Stark\_Raven\_Mad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Stark\_Raven\_Mad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stark_Raven_Mad)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/22 "2005-11-17T03:36:25Z")
> [@E-Sabbath](#): > > It’s still a good lesson. Sometimes, even in the darkest hours, step back from yourself, and realize you’re not alone. If I realized I wasn’t alone in the dark, I’d be scared shitless. ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/23 "2005-11-17T03:49:26Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Ahhhhh. Sarcasm _never_ works over the Internet. 😉 Certainly the SDMB is no place for it. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/24 "2005-11-17T07:03:59Z")
> [@hopesperson](#): > > The answer, revealed in the spoiler box below, may surprise you: _–falls over dead–_ ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/25 "2005-11-17T07:38:49Z")
I was _so_ sure the surprise was going to be: And then Jesus said, “Seriously dude? Shit, sorry man. I was busy throwing these starfish back into the water.” ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/26 "2005-11-17T08:33:01Z")
> [@BlackKnight](#): > > I was _so_ sure the surprise was going to be: > > And then Jesus said, “Seriously dude? Shit, sorry man. I was busy throwing these starfish back into the water.” Okay, that was fucking brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![ProTem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/51bf81/32.png) [@ProTem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ProTem)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/27 "2005-11-17T22:54:48Z")
One of the strange things about faith is that it can explain anything, in the most ridiculous fashion. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/28 "2005-11-17T23:12:39Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#): > > > [@E-Sabbath](#): > > > > realize you’re not alone. > > I am. I can verify that. I was with him at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/29 "2005-11-17T23:19:27Z")
I remember an alternate version: > [@](#): > > FOOTPRINTS > > I dreamed that I was walking down the beach with the Goddess. And I looked > back and saw footprints in the sand. > > But sometimes there were two pairs of footprints, and sometimes there was > only one. And the times when there was only one pair of footprints, those > were my times of greatest trouble. > > So I asked the Goddess, “Why, in my greatest need, did you abandon me?” > > She replied, “I never left you. Those were the times when we both hopped > on one foot.” And lo, I was really embarassed for bothering Her with such > a stupid question. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/30 "2005-11-18T00:51:16Z")
A minor comment on my previous comment. I wasn’t talking about the Lord. I was simply saying that when things are darkest, sometimes we don’t realize that we have people around us who care. ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/31 "2005-11-18T22:15:30Z")
I had the same experience, walking along the beach with God, reviewing my life, lookin’ at our footprints side by side, until I came to the point where there was just one set of footprints in the sand. That, of course, was the point where I started carrying God… and did I get a single word of thanks? mm ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/32 "2005-11-18T22:20:31Z")
> [@Polycarp](#): > > Okay, a proposition. Though schmaltzy and egregious to the point of glurginess, “Footprints” does say something worthwhile, and not necessarily religious in nature: > > Perception does not always equate to reality, and in particular when an emotional “down” is involved. Sometimes one just cannot see the support that actually is proferred. > > Debate. Pfft. Non-falsifiable. Get it out of GD. ---
**Author:** ![T\_SQUARE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de053/32.png) [@T\_SQUARE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T_SQUARE)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2005, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/33 "2005-11-19T10:08:11Z")
Bullshit Jesus! I wanted to move on…We had 6 clicks to cover before sunuo. But there you were, putting your feet uo, taking it easy. Fricking typical! Jesus, do you want to take this hill or not? I just can’t do eveything around here anymore. Smell ya later… Jesues. JEEEZ. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2005, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/34 "2005-11-19T10:15:46Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > I remember an alternate version: Oh, those Discordians… ---
**Author:** ![Rucksinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/898d66/32.png) [@Rucksinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rucksinator)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2005, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/35 "2005-11-21T22:06:18Z")
I like David Cross’s version. It ends something like this (paraphrased from memory): "….and then God said, 'It was at this time… that I was helping some of the other 5 billion people in the world, you selfish fuck!’ ---
**Author:** ![CheapBastid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8baadc/32.png) [@CheapBastid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheapBastid)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/36 "2005-11-22T04:52:07Z")
> [@Stark Raven Mad](#): > > If I realized I wasn’t alone in the dark, I’d be scared shitless. Just had to pipe in that this post gave me a much needed and rare LOL. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![VegemiteMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/df788c/32.png) [@VegemiteMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VegemiteMoose)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/37 "2005-11-22T05:02:26Z")
Whenever I see this poem I get a mental image of Jesus doing that thing where you drop slightly behind the person you are walking beside, time a foot nudge at their trailing leg so that on the forward swing it hits their other leg making them stumble. Ha-ha very funny Jesus. What an ass. ---
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/38 "2005-11-22T20:07:01Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > I remember an alternate version: > > FOOTPRINTS > > I dreamed that I was walking down the beach with the Goddess. And I looked > back and saw footprints in the sand. > > But sometimes there were two pairs of footprints, and sometimes there was > only one. And the times when there was only one pair of footprints, those > were my times of greatest trouble. > > So I asked the Goddess, “Why, in my greatest need, did you abandon me?” > > She replied, “I never left you. Those were the times when we both hopped > on one foot.” And lo, I was really embarassed for bothering Her with such > a stupid question. > > Daniel Damn, that was funny!!! ---
**Author:** ![tesseract](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bb73d2/32.png) [@tesseract](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tesseract)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2005, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/39 "2005-11-27T08:11:09Z")
**hopesperson** , I just wanted to say that I laughed and knew right away that your post was sarcastic… ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2005, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387/40 "2005-11-27T14:23:19Z")
I prefer this (anonymous) version:[spoiler]One night I had a wondrous dream, One set of footprints there was seen, The footprints of my precious Lord, But mine were not along the shore. But then some strange prints appeared, And I asked the Lord, “What have we here?” Those prints are large and round and neat, “But Lord, they are too big for feet.” “My child,” He said in somber tones, “For miles I carried you along. I challenged you to walk in faith, But you refused and made me wait.” “You disobeyed, you would not grow, The walk of faith, you would not know, So I got tired, I got fed up, And there I dropped you on your butt.” “Because in life, there comes a time, When one must fight, and one must climb, When one must rise and take a stand, Or leave their butt prints in the sand.”[/spoiler] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poem-surprise-ending/331387.md?page=1)