# Poems that make you giggle **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 30, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004 "2003-07-30T22:44:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gulo\_gulo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bcef8e/32.png) [@Gulo\_gulo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gulo_gulo)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/21 "2003-07-31T15:35:05Z")
Arggg! **Bakhesh** beat me to it. So I have to resort to: _As I was standing in the street, As quiet as could be A great big ugly man came up And tied his horse to me._ From one of my fave [books](http://www.ioffer.com/images/upload/580W/teegansbooks-951112-tripp.JPG) as a child. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/22 "2003-07-31T15:56:14Z")
I’ve always snickered at Shelley’s “Ode to the West Wind” – I mean, come on! _As thus with thee in prayer in my sore need. Oh! lift me as a wave, a leaf, a cloud! I fall upon the thorns of life! I bleed!_ What a drip. I actually use that third line when I reference other waaaayyy melodramatic writing. ---
**Author:** ![CurlyD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ee7513/32.png) [@CurlyD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CurlyD)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/23 "2003-07-31T15:59:56Z")
Ogden Nash is great! \ ***The Panther** The panther is like a leopard, Except it hasn’t been peppered. Should you behold a panther crouch, Prepare to say Ouch. Better yet, if called by a panther, Don’t anther. **Reflections on Ice-Breaking** Candy is dandy But liquor is quicker **The Termite** Some primal termite knocked on wood And tasted it, and found it good! And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today.\* ---
**Author:** ![Alto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Alto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alto)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/24 "2003-07-31T17:53:52Z")
Something that just amuses me: A thousand hairy cannibals Sitting down to lunch. Gobble gobble, glup glup Munch munch munch. (maybe by Spike Milligan?) and more in the spirit of the OP, from Browning’s “Pippa Passes” Sing to the bats’ sleek sisterhoods Full complines with gallantry: Then, owls and bats, cowls and twats, Monks and nuns, in a cloister’s moods, Adjourn to the oak-stump pantry! Poor Browning thought a twat was an article of nun’s clothing, and sometimes you will find that definition in the dictionary because of him. (Incidentally, the next thing in the poem is a stage direction that Pippa undresses.) ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/25 "2003-07-31T18:55:27Z")
[Lines and Squares](http://www.brunel.ac.uk/~dt00rcs/frames/page1.html) by A.A. Milne. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/26 "2003-07-31T19:09:29Z")
From deep in the crypt at St. Giles Came a scream that resounded for miles. Said the Vicar “Good gracious! Has Father Ignatius Forgotten the Bishop has piles?” My second has been spoilered due to lewdness and depravity: There was a young girl from Uttoxeter Who was the most exquisite cock-sitter: With her prehensile hole She enveloped my pole, And squirmed up and down as my rocks hit her. ---
**Author:** ![mojave66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@mojave66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mojave66)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/27 "2003-07-31T20:57:50Z")
No Dorothy Parker yet?! I’m shocked, shocked I tells ya. Bric-a-Brac Little things that no one needs- Little things to joke about- Little landscapes, done in beads. Little morals, woven out, Little wreaths of gilded grass, Little brigs of whittled oak Bottled painfully in glass; These are made by lonely folk. Lonely folk have lines of days Long and faltering and thin; Therefore- little wax bouquets, Prayers cut upon a pin, Little maps of pinkish lands, Little charts of curly seas, Little plats of linen strands, Little verses, such as these. ---
**Author:** ![Turin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/919ad9/32.png) [@Turin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turin)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/28 "2003-07-31T21:02:29Z")
Bubble Trouble by Margret Mahy It’s just too darn long to write here, but it’s a good one! ---
**Author:** ![TeaRoses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@TeaRoses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaRoses)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/29 "2003-07-31T21:12:58Z")
(you know, the plum one?) [You can find fun stuff on the internet](http://www.cs.rice.edu/~ssiyer/minstrels/poems/278.html) ---
**Author:** ![MacSpon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@MacSpon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacSpon)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/30 "2003-07-31T23:23:10Z")
There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in. But they’re ever so small. That’s why rain is thin. (Spike Milligan) ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/31 "2003-07-31T23:29:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TeaRoses \* > \*\*[You can find fun stuff on the internet](http://www.cs.rice.edu/~ssiyer/minstrels/poems/278.html) \*\* BWA HA HA HA HA! Oh, man, that kills me. I loathe “This Is Just To Say”, and the first parody on that page is just so perfect! Thanks for sharing that with us! ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/32 "2003-08-01T00:00:44Z")
From a greeting card: _Don’t kiss your honey When your nose is runny You might think it’s funny But it’s snot._ And another, from The House At Pooh Corner: \*The more it snows (Tiddely pom) The more it goes (Tiddely pom) The more it goes (Tiddely pom) On snowing And nobody knows (Tiddely pom) How cold my toes (Tiddely pom) How cold my toes (Tiddely pom) Are growing\* I went to college in Syracuse and I pretty much recited this poem to myself on my way to class every day from October through April for four years. The "tiddely pom"s just slay me. ---
**Author:** ![Roadwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@Roadwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roadwalker)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/33 "2003-08-01T01:56:11Z")
The pretty lady donned her skates upon the ice to frisk Wasn’t she a silly girl Her little \*? _Unknown_ My hair goes to my toes I never wears no clothes I wraps my hair Around my bare And down the road I goes _Shel Silverstein_ Did you ever wonder where a booger came from? It crawled out of your brain and turned to gum. A sudden wind and it’sblown out in a sneeze. And lands on a slice of pizza cheese. A hand pick it up and it goes for a ride. It see’s a mouth and goes back inside. And now the booger has been swallowed. The digestive track is what it followed. Through the stomach and into the gut. It’s goin’ all the way no matter what. The booger can now be described in one word. Our friend is now a little turd. It lands in the toilet with a splash and a flush. And goes to the sewer and turns to mush. _Roadwalker_ ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/34 "2003-08-01T02:41:33Z")
"…pitched on his head, And pumped full of lead, Was Dangerous Dan McGrew. - Robert Service Banana Skin, by Chefguy It’s a peeling, But it’s not appealing. I’t a peeling, But it’s not appealiang. (repeat until you just have to laugh at it) ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/35 "2003-08-01T02:49:24Z")
A lesbian lass of Khartoum Once took a fag up to her room, And they argued all night Over who had the right To do what, and with which, and to whom! ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/36 "2003-08-01T03:40:05Z")
A lady while dining at Crewe, Found an elephant’s dong in her stew, Said the waiter, “Don’t shout, Or wave it about, Or the others will all want one too!” ---
**Author:** ![Orange\_Skinner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3be4f8/32.png) [@Orange\_Skinner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orange_Skinner)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/37 "2003-08-01T05:04:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by HDS \* > \*\* > > Hur, hur, hur. I’d love to see this read in a junior high school classroom. \*\* When I was in fifth grade, this actually _was_ read in my junior high English class, not once, but twice! The teacher seemed completely unaware of the second, less savory interpritation, and, after the intial reading, (which had everyone in the class nearly cracking up, doing all they could to contain themselves), she insisted upon reading it through _again_, so that we could “pay special attention to the personification” of the shark. :rolleyes: Unfortunately, my best friend and I made eye contact during the second reading, and simultaniously burst out laughing. This was met with dead silence, and the threat of, “if you can’t behave like fifth graders, you’ll have to sit out in the hallway until you feel you can.” Anyway, with out further adieu, what my friends and I have always called “The Shark Poem.” Tell me honestly if you wouldn’t have burst out laughing as this was enthusiastically read to you-- at any age: _A trecherous monster is the shark He never makes the least remark And when he sees you on the sand He doesn’t seem to want to land He watches you take of your clothes And not the least excitement shows His eyes do not grow bright or roll He has astounding self control…_ That’s all I can remember. If anybody knows the last couple lines, I’d be much obliged, or the author, for that matter. None of my classmates can remember it, and I’d love to be able to send them the missing lines. ---
**Author:** ![E.Thorp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@E.Thorp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.Thorp)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/38 "2003-08-01T05:23:40Z")
My sister read Ogden Nash’s **Tin Wedding Whistle** at my wedding. My favorite lines (“But how contentedly I view / Any room containing you”) still make me smile/giggle. [http://plagiarist.com/poetry/?wid=491](http://plagiarist.com/poetry/?wid=491) ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/39 "2003-08-01T05:27:19Z")
Our Bog Is Dood by Stevie Smith Our Bog is dood, our Bog is dood, They lisped in accents mild, But when I asked them to explain They grew a little wild. How do you know your Bog is dood My darling little child? Read the rest [here](http://www.steviesmith.org/bogisdood.html)… ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004/40 "2003-08-01T06:12:11Z")
_Hark! to the whimper of the seagull He weeps becaus he’s not an ea-gull. Suppose you were, you silly seagull; Could you explain it to your she-gull?_ and . . . _The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks which practically conceal its sex. I think it clever of the turtle, in such a fix, to be so fertile._ And from Isaac Asimov: On Saturn the sexes are three Which makes it quite awkward, you see. For performing _con brio_ requires a trio (and it even takes two for a pee). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poems-that-make-you-giggle/192004.md?page=3)