# Pointless food labels. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 30, 2007, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150 "2007-01-30T19:36:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2007, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/21 "2007-01-31T15:05:47Z")
[QUOTE=According to Pliny] Where’s the warning label for “Contains no fruit”? [/QUOTE] They don’t need one. There’s a fruitloophole in the regulations. ---
**Author:** ![UntouchedTakeaway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d78d45/32.png) [@UntouchedTakeaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UntouchedTakeaway)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2007, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/22 "2007-01-31T15:10:27Z")
[QUOTE=LifeOnWry] Good thing you were there. I’m betting the dog can’t even read. I found, on the paper wrapper of a hot-dog-stand tamale, the warning, “Paper wrapper is not edible.” I’m thinking if you are bright enough to know what “edible” means, you’re probably bright enough not to eat paper, even without a warning. Someone pointed out to me that “real” tamales are wrapped in corn husks and perhaps that’s where the confusion lay… except that corn husk wrappers aren’t edible either. [/QUOTE] I believe butter-flavored Crisco shortening packages bear the information “Not a spread for bread”. 😃 VCNJ~ ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2007, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/23 "2007-01-31T15:20:07Z")
[QUOTE=Veuve\_ClicquotNJ] I believe butter-flavored Crisco shortening packages bear the information “Not a spread for bread”. 😃 VCNJ~ [/QUOTE] Sez who? ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2007, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/24 "2007-01-31T15:42:21Z")
Or the cartons of milk sold with the warning that they may contain milk in the UK :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![MovingTarget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/edb3f5/32.png) [@MovingTarget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovingTarget)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2007, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/25 "2007-01-31T15:48:48Z")
My favorite is a product called “Nut Butter”, which as one would expect, “contains nuts.” Not a food item, but one of my favorites is the new Ambien sleep aid drug. One of the side effects in the commercial is “may cause drowsiness”…um…ya think? ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2007, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/26 "2007-01-31T16:32:11Z")
[QUOTE=Sapo] oh, and I forgot my new favourites: Cholesterol-free Salsa. Fat-free Jell-O. Sodium-free water. C’mon. [/QUOTE] I’m fond of kosher carrots and kosher spring water, myself. Preferably as an accompaniment to a sandwich of trans-fat-free peanut butter on whole-wheat bread (caution: contains wheat). ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2007, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/27 "2007-01-31T19:24:53Z")
[QUOTE=Snipe1978] Not a food item, but one of my favorites is the new Ambien sleep aid drug. One of the side effects in the commercial is “may cause drowsiness”…um…ya think? [/QUOTE] I actually asked one of the pharmacists that I work with about that kind of thing, and she said something along the lines that if a doctor prescribes something typically used as a sleep aid for an off-label purpose, they need to have the drowsiness side-effect known. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2007, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/28 "2007-01-31T20:11:24Z")
From the manual for my Motorola cell phone: **Don’t try to dry your phone in a microwave oven.** Does that mean I should try to dry it in the regular oven? **Don’t expose your phone to dust, dirt, sand, food, or other inappropriate materials.** Innapropriate for its age, like gangsta rap or bondage porn? **Don’t drop your phone.** Damn, I never get to do anything fun. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2007, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/29 "2007-01-31T20:56:01Z")
The instructions and warning on Carmex always make me giggle: > [@](#): > > Apply freely to affected parts. **WARNING** : Use only as directed. So, I guess bad things happen if you apply it sparingly? ---
**Author:** ![Tully\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ab992/32.png) [@Tully\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tully_Mars)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2007, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/30 "2007-01-31T21:16:52Z")
[QUOTE=NinjaChick] The instructions and warning on Carmex always make me giggle: So, I guess bad things happen if you apply it sparingly? [/QUOTE] Yep, they don’t sell as much Carmex. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2007, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/31 "2007-01-31T21:22:10Z")
[QUOTE=Dr. Rieux] **Don’t drop your phone.** Damn, I never get to do anything fun. [/QUOTE] Don’t say nothin’ about _throwing._ ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2007, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/32 "2007-02-01T13:09:00Z")
[QUOTE=According to Pliny] You think this is funny, but did you know that almost all foods for kids with fruit on the cover, or fruit in the name even, actually contain no fruit? Where’s the warning label for “Contains no fruit”? [/QUOTE] In the UK, at least, if it has a picture of fruit on the label, or just says “Fruit product” (e.g. “Strawberry yogurt”) then it has to contain fruit by law. If it doesn’t then it can’t have a picture of fruit, and must say “Fruit flavour” instead. ---
**Author:** ![Scubaqueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@Scubaqueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scubaqueen)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2007, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/33 "2007-02-01T20:18:30Z")
[QUOTE=Colophon] OK, we’ve all seen the “ **WARNING: May contain nuts** ” on a bag of nuts. But yesterday I bought a bag of nuts which had a rather more cryptic message: **CONTAINS NUTS. MAY CONTAIN OTHER NUTS.** \>snip!\< [/QUOTE] seen on a package of peanuts whilst in the air between indianapolis and las vegas. swear to god i’m not making this up: - peanuts- instructions: open bag. eat. now, why didn’t i think of that??? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2007, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/34 "2007-02-01T20:28:17Z")
[QUOTE=chaoticbear] I actually asked one of the pharmacists that I work with about that kind of thing, and she said something along the lines that if a doctor prescribes something typically used as a sleep aid for an off-label purpose, they need to have the drowsiness side-effect known. [/QUOTE] So, my doctor has me taking aspirin to avoid long-term heart problems. It would, therefore, be reasonable for the aspirin bottle to have a warning lable saying “Warning: This product may cause your headache to go away.” :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2007, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/35 "2007-02-01T21:01:41Z")
[QUOTE=Ethilrist] So, my doctor has me taking aspirin to avoid long-term heart problems. It would, therefore, be reasonable for the aspirin bottle to have a warning lable saying “Warning: This product may cause your headache to go away.” :dubious: [/QUOTE] I think they list negative tings, as for asprin “may cause gastric bleeding”. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2007, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/36 "2007-02-01T21:18:25Z")
[QUOTE=LifeOnWry] Someone pointed out to me that “real” tamales are wrapped in corn husks and perhaps that’s where the confusion lay… except that corn husk wrappers aren’t edible either. [/QUOTE] :o Someone gave me a homemade tamale once and really built up how great it was going to be. I’d never had them and I prepared it as instructed. Of course I was faced with the cornhusk which I couldn’t imagine I was supposed to eat, but the only thing inside it was mush and that didn’t seem like a real food item either. Was there supposed to be breadlike anything in there? I ended up tossing it all. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2007, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/37 "2007-02-01T21:59:49Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] :o Someone gave me a homemade tamale once and really built up how great it was going to be. I’d never had them and I prepared it as instructed. Of course I was faced with the cornhusk which I couldn’t imagine I was supposed to eat, but the only thing inside it was mush and that didn’t seem like a real food item either. Was there supposed to be breadlike anything in there? I ended up tossing it all. [/QUOTE] They were experimenting on someone handy. Like I do when I make my wasabi-mint ice cream. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/38 "2007-02-02T00:00:47Z")
[QUOTE=Larry Mudd] They don’t need one. There’s a fruitloophole in the regulations. [/QUOTE] 🆒 Locatelli brand Romano cheese comes with a label that says “Naturally low in CARBOHIDRATES!” (Yes, they spell it that way.) So is that cheap Romano next to it full of sugar, or full of starch? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/39 "2007-02-02T00:07:18Z")
[QUOTE=rjk] “Naturally low in CARBOHIDRATES!” [/QUOTE] Since there is so such think as a carbohidrate, I suppose it is indeed rather low in them. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150/40 "2007-02-02T00:12:47Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] Since there is so such **think** as a carbohidrate, I suppose it is indeed rather low in them. [/QUOTE] [loudspeaker]Paging Gaudere, paging Gaudere, your pronouncements needed in the dairy products aisle![loudspeaker] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pointless-food-labels/390150.md?page=3)