# Polar Bear vs. Chimpanzee **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 6, 2013, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polar-bear-vs-chimpanzee/657649 "2013-05-06T20:54:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polar-bear-vs-chimpanzee/657649/41 "2013-05-08T22:17:06Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > Maybe they don’t like the taste of dog? > > OTOH, if you even look like you _might_ be a seal, [they’ll try really hard to get to you.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soj527UqZYA) [I wouldn’t necessarily trust that glass.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=fvwp&v=nD0bngun80s) ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polar-bear-vs-chimpanzee/657649/42 "2013-05-09T00:59:58Z")
> [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](#): > > I sure hope there aren’t any deranged zookeepers reading this thread… Insert obligatory bear/monkey contest conducted by a zoo [here](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/06/bear-monkey-bicycle-race-video-bear-mauls-monkey_n_3225072.html). The monkey did in fact, lose. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polar-bear-vs-chimpanzee/657649/43 "2013-05-09T01:02:49Z")
> [@nion](#): > > What if the chimpanzee was a velociraptor? same video but velocipeder.. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polar-bear-vs-chimpanzee/657649/44 "2013-05-09T01:05:09Z")
[A bear vs. someone dumber than a chimp](http://vimeo.com/32998733) ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polar-bear-vs-chimpanzee/657649/45 "2013-05-09T01:33:22Z")
My money is on the chimp, but only if he is in orbit and nukes the polar bear. It is, after all, the only to make sure. //////////// No, but all kidding aside, polar bear all the way almost every time. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polar-bear-vs-chimpanzee/657649/46 "2013-05-09T13:03:46Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > [A bear vs. someone dumber than a chimp](http://vimeo.com/32998733) I wish I could find the video but the site appears to be down, it’s a good buddy of mine that played college ball and briefly was in the NFL. He wrestled a never beaten, muzzled bear in a bar and absolutely, unequivocally whipped its ass. My friend is probably 340 and a beast himself and this sent the bear into a rage. All I can find is a discussion thread on it that includes other linemen that tried it and got their asses whipped by the bear, who then tried to mount and mate them. The lesson I guess is that a man has a one in a million chance against a bear and if they lose they’re gonna get fucked. ---
**Author:** ![yorick73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5a626/32.png) [@yorick73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yorick73)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polar-bear-vs-chimpanzee/657649/47 "2013-05-09T16:00:07Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > Insert obligatory bear/monkey contest conducted by a zoo [here](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/06/bear-monkey-bicycle-race-video-bear-mauls-monkey_n_3225072.html). The monkey did in fact, lose. Psst…see post #40. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polar-bear-vs-chimpanzee/657649/48 "2013-05-09T19:50:17Z")
What if the chimp is wearing that guy’s anti-bear suit? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polar-bear-vs-chimpanzee/657649/49 "2013-05-09T20:00:44Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > What if the chimp is wearing that guy’s anti-bear suit? After the bear knocked him over he froze to death. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polar-bear-vs-chimpanzee/657649/50 "2013-05-09T20:45:34Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > All I can find is a discussion thread on it that includes other linemen that tried it and got their asses whipped by the bear, who then tried to mount and mate them. The lesson I guess is that a man has a one in a million chance against a bear and if they lose they’re gonna get fucked. “You don’t come here for the hunting, do you?” Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polar-bear-vs-chimpanzee/657649/51 "2013-05-09T20:50:38Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > After the bear knocked him over he froze to death. Now this does bring up a question, where is this contest being held? In the chimps natural habitat, when the temperatures are quite high, the polar bear will overheat in short order. They can’t run for very far even in the coldest temperatures because they are so well insulated. It’s the reason swimming is the polar bear’s preferred means of travel. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polar-bear-vs-chimpanzee/657649.md?page=2)