# Polite form of address for strangers **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 22, 2019, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229 "2019-01-22T22:19:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2019, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/1 "2019-01-22T22:19:55Z")
What’s the polite form of address for a stranger whose preferred gender you don’t know? Recently I was at the mall when the person ahead of me dropped a dollar bill. How should I have called after that person? _Sir_? _Ma’am_? _Miz?_ _Hey, you_ seems rude and impractical. I suppose you could assume if the person is dressed in traditionally female clothes, “Ma’am” or “Miz” is preferred, but that’s really pretty presumptuous, and besides, in this case, the person had a full beard, hair in a bun, and wore a dress. For the record, I picked up the bill, ran past the person, then turned around and said, “Excuse me. You dropped this.” That wouldn’t always be practical, however. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2019, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/2 "2019-01-22T22:42:43Z")
“Good gentle,” but you need to be dressed for the Ren Faire. “Yo” is a little less rude than “Hey, you”. When in doubt, don’t make it about the person if you don’t know the person. “Hey, free money!” while pointing at the bill ought to do the trick. If they don’t turn around to see where the free money is, their loss, and somebody else gets a buck. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2019, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/3 "2019-01-22T23:13:57Z")
I just keep the money.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Thylacine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thylacine/32/1143_2.png) [@Thylacine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thylacine)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2019, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/4 "2019-01-22T23:56:21Z")
“Excuse me, you dropped something” should get anyone turning around. Adding a sir may stop some folks from looking but so what? Your target, regardless of their personal pronouns should be found I get sir followed by an apology a lot when they realise I don’t qualify, I’d rather have a generic hello than a stammering apology that embarrasses us both, I wish people would leave the gendered words out in general unless they are actually needed. ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2019, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/5 "2019-01-23T15:12:51Z")
Even before the current age of hypersensitivity, the cardinal rule of politeness was to never, ever assume what sex somebody was unless you were 100% sure. Which most of the time you are, but if there’s any doubt whatsoever ‘excuse me’ is the way to go. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2019, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/6 "2019-01-23T15:28:34Z")
> [@Thylacine](#): > > “Excuse me, you dropped something” should get anyone turning around. Adding a sir may stop some folks from looking but so what? Your target, regardless of their personal pronouns should be found > > I get sir followed by an apology a lot when they realise I don’t qualify, I’d rather have a generic hello than a stammering apology that embarrasses us both, I wish people would leave the gendered words out in general unless they are actually needed. Yep, “Excuse me, you dropped something”. Oh perhaps “Pardon me…” Or just use your sheeps crook and spin 'em around. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2019, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/7 "2019-01-23T16:58:18Z")
If the person had a full beard they’re clearly not trying to present as a female, so Sir would be fine. If they get upset at that, well that’s on them not you. That said, “Excuse me. You dropped this” is perfectly fine. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2019, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/8 "2019-01-23T17:21:54Z")
Yeah, a light tap on the shoulder and “Excuse me, I think you dropped something” is more than sufficient. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2019, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/9 "2019-01-23T18:01:56Z")
Excuse me if unsure. But I default to “Sir” or “Maam.” Holding doors open, expressing thanks, whatever. Yeah, I realize that many folk will say it is better not to include any specific. If my choice offends someone, I might further default to “Fuck you, asshole!” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![shh1313](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shh1313/32/8020_2.png) [@shh1313](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shh1313)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2019, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/10 "2019-01-23T18:03:34Z")
Sir, Mam and pardon me ---
**Author:** ![Mangosteen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Mangosteen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangosteen)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2019, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/11 "2019-01-25T03:45:06Z")
My dad, a WW 2 Navy vet, always called male strangers, “Skip” (Skipper). “Hey, Skip, you dropped your wallet.” He lived well into his 90’s and was still using “Skip” until the day he died. I witnessed some a strange looks on many a stranger’s face that seemed to be asking, “What did he call me?” ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2019, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/12 "2019-01-25T03:47:59Z")
How about “neighbor?” Works in Western movies, right? ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2019, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/13 "2019-01-25T14:28:35Z")
> [@Mangosteen](#): > > My dad, a WW 2 Navy vet, always called male strangers, “Skip” (Skipper). > > “Hey, Skip, you dropped your wallet.” > > He lived well into his 90’s and was still using “Skip” until the day he died. > > I witnessed some a strange looks on many a stranger’s face that seemed to be asking, “What did he call me?” My Dad used “Sparky”; which I adopted as my standard fall-back as well. He was basically Army Air Corps as a radio specialist; slightly pre-WW II and WW II with a short stint for Korea. ---
**Author:** ![RickG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rickg/32/5174_2.png) [@RickG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickG)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2019, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/14 "2019-01-25T15:19:42Z")
Comrade? My wife has a student teacher this term who identifies as gender non-binary and prefers they/them pronouns. They have suggested the title ‘Mx.’, pronounced ‘mix’, for students to address them. It’s clever, in that by replacing the second letter in Mr/Ms with ‘x’, one implies an unknown, as in algebra, and so it could apply to any gender. On the other hand, the pronunciation implies a combination, which may or may not apply to any individual. In that sense, it’s not so much gender-neutral as affirmatively gender-fluid. The intersection of language and culture is hard. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2019, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/15 "2019-01-25T15:33:21Z")
> [@Ike\_Witt](#): > > Yeah, a light tap on the shoulder and “Excuse me, I think you dropped something” is more than sufficient. “Light tap on the shoulder” Don’t some people get upset with this? ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2019, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/16 "2019-01-25T15:42:35Z")
> [@SmartAleq](#): > > How about “neighbor?” Works in Western movies, right? Pard? Or maybe, “Pardon, pardner”? 🙂 Yeah, I’m extremely reluctant to physically touch any stranger. Will happen on rare occasion, but I’m aware of potential offense. “Pardon” always struck me as somehow more affected than “Excuse me.” ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2019, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/17 "2019-01-25T16:17:36Z")
Onceuponatime, I entered the local liquor store with Shannon, a girl who had a penchant for dressing biker-style, in spite of being “all-woman,” if you know what I mean. She had tucked her long hair inside her black leather jacket. The clerk, politely enough, turned to her and said, “Yes, Sir, can I help you?” Shannon quickly unzipped her jacket and stuck out her ample chest without a word. The clerk’s reaction was immediate. “Excuse me, Miss, I didn’t see your boobs.” ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2019, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/18 "2019-01-25T22:53:06Z")
> [@Ike\_Witt](#): > > Yeah, a light tap on the shoulder and “Excuse me, I think you dropped something” is more than sufficient. Don’t do this. Just say “Excuse me, you dropped this” And even if you say “Excuse me sir” or “Excuse me ma’am” and that person says “I’m not a [whatever] I’m a [whatever]”, just say “Ok, sorry, but you dropped this.” Then go on your merry way. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2019, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polite-form-of-address-for-strangers/828229/19 "2019-01-25T23:01:22Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Don’t do this. > > Just say “Excuse me, you dropped this” > > And even if you say “Excuse me sir” or “Excuse me ma’am” and that person says “I’m not a [whatever] I’m a [whatever]”, just say “Ok, sorry, but you dropped this.” > > Then go on your merry way. +1^. Agree with the no touchy. If you aren’t into the whole brevity thing by gender with “Sir… or Ma’am…”, you can just say “Hello there…”, “Excuse me…” or “Pardon me…”