# Politics and Family Don't Mix - how do you deal with it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 26, 2010, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/politics-and-family-dont-mix-how-do-you-deal-with-it/551584 "2010-08-26T20:48:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/politics-and-family-dont-mix-how-do-you-deal-with-it/551584/41 "2010-08-28T01:03:01Z")
“(plus he may have mugged my mom, but that’s neither here nor there)” Yeah I can see how that might cause you to uh drift apart. Otara ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/politics-and-family-dont-mix-how-do-you-deal-with-it/551584/42 "2010-08-28T04:23:01Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Really? > > Politics are more important than family? You can’t bite your tongue rather than ruin your mother’s holiday gathering? Maybe you can let her family know that since it seems they bring it up. I’d gladly keep my mouth shut for the sake of family peace as long as relatives who know I think a lot differently than they do extend the same courtesy. I’d go as far as asking them politely asking them to drop the political speak before giving in, but I’m not going to bite my tongue to long for someone. I have great family members whom I disagree with. Our love for each other is to important to ever get in a fight over politics. If the conversation gets to heated we take a break and agree to drop it. We’d never get into it at a family gathering. I think bringing up politics at a family gathering in front of family members who disagree, is an inconsiderate thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/politics-and-family-dont-mix-how-do-you-deal-with-it/551584/43 "2010-08-28T05:02:43Z")
I try not to talk politics with people I care about. My mother and I have almost identical views on politics, and it still makes me uncomfortable to talk about it with her. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/politics-and-family-dont-mix-how-do-you-deal-with-it/551584/44 "2010-08-28T07:04:25Z")
Even [_the Family Circus_](http://a.imageshack.us/img196/8004/familycircus0141.jpg) has dealt with this ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/politics-and-family-dont-mix-how-do-you-deal-with-it/551584/45 "2010-08-28T19:49:52Z")
I’d say silence, and a superior smirk, are all you need. If pressed, quote Heinlein or Shaw: “Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.” “I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” ---
**Author:** ![AuntPam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@AuntPam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntPam)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/politics-and-family-dont-mix-how-do-you-deal-with-it/551584/46 "2010-08-28T21:11:16Z")
When my Mom was alive and I’d visit her in Florida for Christmas, we used to have Christmas Eve dinners at the home of her best friend. Mom’s best friend, alas, was married to a guy who I always privately thought of as “one of the great minds of the fourth century.” One Christmas Eve, he decided to rant away on the subject of the recent multi-million dollar settlement made by Union Carbide with the survivors of the Bhopal chemical plant disaster. “Blackmail of a fine American company! The lives of those Indians aren’t worth a nickel apiece! Not a goddamn nickel!” he blustered, as the rest of the table sat in embarrassed silence. I looked up, smiled sweetly, and said in all sincerity, “It’s Christmas Eve–isn’t it? A good time for peace on earth and good will towards men. How about it?” My Mom snorted soup through her nose. He shut up. Anyway, try telling him you forgive him for his bad manners and love him anyway. If he gets bent out of shape about that, tell him you mean it. Be humble. Don’t condescend. Don’t say, “No matter how dumb you are…” Try “You’re still my dad, even when you act as if you hate me.” Then give him a hug. See what happens. Perhaps your old man will realize how his continuous political attacks are insulting and hurting you. I’m certainly not **promising** this will work. You may have to try it repeatedly. But arguing with him only hardens his position. Try not arguing with him. Try showing him the effects of his behavior. [I imagine that some posters will condemn this approach as “touchy-feely.” Exactly correct. I am recommending that the OP try to touch the other, finer feelings of his angry and belligerent relatives. What has he got to lose?] I have actually used this method to break up a just-about-to-happen bar fight and stonker an older relative who insisted on ranting about n\*\*\*\*s and integration. Defused an angry drunk getting ready to swing and a likely ex-member of the KKK. So there’s some practical experience behind this suggestion. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/politics-and-family-dont-mix-how-do-you-deal-with-it/551584/47 "2010-08-28T21:35:16Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > > [@otternell](#): > > > > My dad specifically is an asshole. He’s a close-minded jerk who believes everything that comes out of Rush’s mouth, and of course, he’s also the kind of asshole who has to announce “fucking democrats” out of thin air, into a conversation that had nothing to do with it. > > > > I used to be a republican, because I ignored the social issues and focused on the fiscal, and wasn’t particularly informed. Yeah, well, that party is over. I am a recent (within the last 1-2 yrs) convert to the dems mostly (though they aren’t quite right, they have enough right that it has become the lesser of two evils for me). > > How is your attitude any different from your father’s, other than coming from the other side of the aisle? Those two paragraphs describe comparable mindsets and similar condescension to those that disagree. > > Rational minds can differ. A person that disagrees with your political beliefs is not an asshole, stupid, or socially undesirable for the mere fact of holding a different position. Your position is not bulletproof, no matter how smugly you chose to present it. Neither is his. > > You vote lefty. He votes [del]correctly[/del] righty. So what? The man is your father. Appreciate him for who he is, and hope some of his wisdom rubs off on you, regardless of politics. Really, a loudmouthed person who denounces the political leanings of his guests or fellow guests loudly with the word “fucking” in front of them is wisdom? My family’s last conservative with a loud obnoxious mouth recently passed away. His neighbor’s called the cops when the newspapers piled up out front. His own brother had only talked to him once in the past 30 years, and it wasn’t over politics, they were both conservative. One just didn’t know when to talk politics and when not to. Deceased cousin Bob was a good human being, but he could ruin a family get together in 10 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/politics-and-family-dont-mix-how-do-you-deal-with-it/551584/48 "2010-08-28T23:29:55Z")
Out of curiosity, considering it has been mentioned as a not unknown political position above, re Obama being muslim, what the matter if he was. It is not illegal in the US is it? ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/politics-and-family-dont-mix-how-do-you-deal-with-it/551584/49 "2010-08-28T23:47:28Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > Out of curiosity, considering it has been mentioned as a not unknown political position above, re Obama being muslim, what the matter if he was. It is not illegal in the US is it? No, it’s not illegal. I believe the idea is “He says he’s Christian but he’s really Muslim, so he’s a liar, and sympathetic to terrorists too!” :rolleyes: The one about him being born in Kenya and not Hawaii is the illegal one–the Constitution says the president has to be a natural-born citizen of the US. That shouldn’t really make a difference either, as you don’t have to be born in the US to be a natural-born citizen, but some people have run with it, claiming that Kenyan birth would render the presidency illegal. In fact, if Obama suddenly turns out to have actually been born in Japan, he’ll still be president. ---
**Author:** ![CutterJohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@CutterJohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CutterJohn)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2010, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/politics-and-family-dont-mix-how-do-you-deal-with-it/551584/50 "2010-08-29T14:07:53Z")
Dad and I argue politics good naturedly. Never any yelling or disrespect. Sometimes he convinces me, other times I convince him(Got him to admit that gay marriage was none of his business even if he doesn’t like it. 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![Stauderhorse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Stauderhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stauderhorse)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2010, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/politics-and-family-dont-mix-how-do-you-deal-with-it/551584/51 "2010-08-29T14:35:54Z")
My brother and I have a really good relationship and get along about everything…except politics. He’s pretty conservative, and I’m very liberal, and whenever we get into a conversation about race or who to vote for, it doesn’t end well. I usually try to avoid bringing anything politically-oriented up, because I know he’s going to seriously piss me off and not listen to anything I say. My mom and I agree on things a little more, but she has her fair share of offensive beliefs (usually relating to sexuality; “OMG, you think gay parents don’t turn children gay, they’ve brainwashed you!”) If she says something I don’t believe in, I will try to argue the point, but it usually doesn’t work. She believes what she does, and anyone who disagrees is a moron. Short answer: I just don’t talk politics with my family. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2010, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/politics-and-family-dont-mix-how-do-you-deal-with-it/551584/52 "2010-09-03T03:03:15Z")
You don’t even need to be a different political party than a loved one to have clashes. Just today I was informed that the oil well that caught fire today is further proof that the government is behind it. When I asked what on earth could the government stand to gain from blowing up oil wells, the reply was this is just another step in Obama’s plan to bankrupt the country. Of course I asked what the motive would be again, because I’m a masochist like that. Apparently, after he bankrupts the country, he’ll be able to easily install a socialist regime and declare himself dictator. :rolleyes: Oh, for the love of God…I suppose I should just be happy they aren’t involved in the teaparty movement. As for how to deal, I usually mentally throw my hands up and physically walk away. You can’t reason a person out of a position they didn’t reason themselves into. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/politics-and-family-dont-mix-how-do-you-deal-with-it/551584.md?page=2)