# Poll: Asking about ladies underwear **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 13, 2009, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311 "2009-05-13T17:07:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/41 "2009-05-14T15:56:02Z")
> [@Death\_of\_Rats](#): > > Porn Pubic hair and BJ’s are fine topics of conversation, but underwear type makes him a perv?!?! That combined with the date canceled for “something else came up” makes me think she was into the flirting and not the dating. The “too personal” underwear question just gave her a chance to blow him off since he was getting too serious. I agree. She just wanted an excuse to end the flirtation. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/42 "2009-05-14T16:12:36Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > \*\*There are ways to discuss BJ’s and porn without making it personal or flirty. \*\*We don’t have any context for how those subjects came up. And he didn’t just mention underwear, he asked about HER underwear, which is creepy and inappropriate without any kind of previously established foundation for that kind of intimacy. The OP established that it _was_ flirty. Ergo, the previously established foundation. Zat all ya got? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/43 "2009-05-14T16:14:35Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > So, you think they talked about how her friend likes to give blowjobs and keeps herself shaven? They could have been talking about Monical Lewinski and 70’s porn. I think it’s completely unwarranted to assume that there was anything personally intimate about the context. I think maybe, just maybe, he was reading signals that weren’t being sent. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/44 "2009-05-14T16:15:41Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > The OP established that it _was_ flirty. Ergo, the previously established foundation. > > Zat all ya got? It has not been established whatsoever that there had been any personally intimate sexual discussion. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/45 "2009-05-14T16:25:43Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Yeah, I’m the crazy one. It’s perfectly normal to ask strange women what kind of underwear they have on. Well, given the OP, yes, it’s what I would call in the realm of normal, sexually-charged flirting. She’s admitted to him she’s had “sexual thoughts” about him when they were in school. They’ve talked about blowjobs and pubic hair (c’mon, it doesn’t matter whose pubic hair they were talking about, the fact that it was an openly discussed topic is what matters). So, yeah, in the context of greater flirtation asking what kind of underwear the girl wears is not what I would call totally off-base. It does somewhat matter what the surrounding conversation was. I mean, if it’s “Hey, what kind of food would you like to go out for on Saturday?” “Let’s go out for pizza.” “That sounds great. By the way, what kind of underwear do you sport?” That would be a bit creepy. But if the surrounding conversation was typical sexually-charged innuendo-laden flirting, then, no, nothing weird about asking about underwear. Nothing at all. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/46 "2009-05-14T16:29:29Z")
**Dio** , you have absolutely no leg to stand on here. Just stop. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/47 "2009-05-14T16:40:22Z")
Really? Everybody knows for a fact that I’m wrong? Is it completely impossible that our guy misread some signals, or read more into some topics of coversation than were intended by the other side? That never happens, does it? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/48 "2009-05-14T16:51:44Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Really? Everybody knows for a fact that I’m wrong? Is it completely impossible that our guy misread some signals, or read more into some topics of coversation than were intended by the other side? That never happens, does it? Of course it’s possible. It’s just not likely in this case. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/49 "2009-05-14T17:05:28Z")
I see no reason at all to assume that it’s _more_ likely she talked about shaving her pussy or giving blowjobs, than that “pubic hair” and “blowjobs” came up in some more impersonal context. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/50 "2009-05-14T17:11:24Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > The OP didn’t say they talked about HER pubic hair. You are correct. The OP did not say whose pubic hair was discussed. The OP did say, however, that the nutter had said she had had “sexual thoughts” about the guy. So let me re-phrase myself. It’s ok to say “I have sexual thoughts about you” but not “so, what kind of underwear do you sport”? Still, the chick is a nutter IMO. I will grant that the OP might not have the whole story, no one ever does. Based solely on the information provided to, and thus in the OP my opinion stands that the chick is a nutter that the OP’s friend is better off not dating. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/51 "2009-05-14T17:14:34Z")
I don’t think you have nearly enough information conclude that this chick is a “nutter.” ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/52 "2009-05-14T17:25:49Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Really? Everybody knows for a fact that I’m wrong? Yes. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/53 "2009-05-14T17:32:08Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I don’t think you have nearly enough information conclude that this chick is a “nutter.” True, she could just be a hapless nymphette in distress, trembling in need of your heroic posturing and agenda-driven inferences. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/54 "2009-05-14T17:49:35Z")
“Heroic?” What’s my “agenda?” I’m not the one making inferences, by the way. You guys are. I’m saying we don’t know everything (what we’ve been told is sketchy at best). The rest of you are screaming that she’s a witch. I do think that, in a vaccuum, asking a strange woman what kind of underwear she’s wearing is a gross and creepy thing to do, not to mention stunted and juvenile even if there IS a relationship. I wouldn’t even ask my wife that question. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/55 "2009-05-14T17:50:49Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I don’t think you have nearly enough information conclude that this chick is a “nutter.” I do, in fact, have more than enough information to decide that she fits my opinion of a “nutter.” I hate to break it to ya, **DtC** , but my opinion stands. She pretty much defines “nutter” based on the information given. > [@](#): > > From the dictionary of **Litoris** : > > nutter: another word for the kind of person who thinks that telling someone she has “sexual thoughts” about him but is offended when he asks what kind of underwear she wears makes any sense ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/56 "2009-05-14T17:51:25Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > Yes. Should be easy to prove then. Let’s see it. Line up the facts so that the only possible conclusion is that she talked about shaving her pussy and now she’s flaking out over underwear because she’s crazy. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/57 "2009-05-14T17:54:05Z")
> [@Litoris](#): > > I do, in fact, have more than enough information to decide that she fits my opinion of a “nutter.” I hate to break it to ya, **DtC** , but my opinion stands. She pretty much defines “nutter” based on the information given. So if any woman ever tells a guy she was attracted to him in high school, it is ALWAYS appropriate for the guy to then ask her what kind of underwear she’s wearing, and ALWAYS crazy for the woman to get turned off by that question. An admission about one thing is in an invitation to everything? ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/58 "2009-05-14T18:07:06Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > “Heroic?” > > What’s my “agenda?” > > \*\*I’m not the one making inferences, by the way. \*\*You guys are. I’m saying we don’t know everything (what we’ve been told is sketchy at best). The rest of you are screaming that she’s a witch. > > I do think that, in a vaccuum, asking a strange woman what kind of underwear she’s wearing is a gross and creepy thing to do, not to mention stunted and juvenile even if there IS a relationship. I wouldn’t even ask my wife that question. bolding mine. You’re right, we’re making inferences. That’s what people do when provided with a certain fact pattern. We’re inferring, based on the information that they were having conversations about oral sex, pubic hair and porn, that the tone of the conversation was flirtatious, sexually-charged and both parties were mutually contributing to it. However, you’re also making inferences- you’re inferring that he is ungentlemanly for asking the question, which is to say, the question was inappropriate. Your inference is based on her reacting by snubbing his further attempts to communicate with her. And you’re also right by saying we don’t know everything- obviously, we don’t. But based on what we do know, the conclusion is that she’s a whackjob and he didn’t really do anything wrong. If it walks like a duck, and all that. And you wouldn’t ask you wife what kind of underwear she wears? I think you’d get a case of the vapors if you heard the conversations my wife and I have when I’m at work. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/59 "2009-05-14T18:11:45Z")
What I’m saying is that the question is inappropriate and creepy _if there’s no foundation for it_, and we DON"T KNOW that there was a foundation for it. You’rall inferring that there was, and that no other scenario is possible, and that therefore she’s a crazy bitch. I think that’s a little presumptuous. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311/60 "2009-05-14T18:27:29Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > So if any woman ever tells a guy she was attracted to him in high school, it is ALWAYS appropriate for the guy to then ask her what kind of underwear she’s wearing, and ALWAYS crazy for the woman to get turned off by that question. An admission about one thing is in an invitation to everything? Always? Did I miss where I typed always? Based on the OP, her reaction was way out of line and nutter-like. Sorry if you disagree, that’s how I see it. I see that you’re married, maybe it’s been a while for you, but there’s a difference between “attracted to” and “has sexual thoughts about” – I might be attracted to Ben Affleck, but my sexual thoughts are reserved for Jeff Goldblum. Of course, I might skew the curve and all, but if I tell a guy “I have had sexual thoughts about you” I know enough about guys (and you know, people in general) to know that that pretty much opens the door for him to take the conversation to the next level – whether it’s “oh really? Do tell” or “so, what kind of panties do you sport?” If I didn’t mean to open that can of worms, even as socially inept as I am – and trust me, I am – I would have enough common sense to say, “wow, you know, I didn’t mean it that way” instead of blaming the guy for being creepy _when I brought it up in the first place_. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > What I’m saying is that the question is inappropriate and creepy _if there’s no foundation for it_, and we DON"T KNOW that there was a foundation for it. You’rall inferring that there was, and that no other scenario is possible, and that therefore she’s a crazy bitch. I think that’s a little presumptuous. Just for the record, I never called her a bitch, although you might be right, she could very well be a crazy bitch. I just settled for nutter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-asking-about-ladies-underwear/496311.md?page=4)