# Poll: Do you have a good relationship with your dad? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 5, 2006, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189 "2006-03-05T22:58:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2006, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/1 "2006-03-05T22:58:46Z")
I would like to see how good of a relationship the average person (at least the average Doper) has with their dad. Could you indicate: 1. Do you have a good relationship with your dad? 2. If no, then: a) How do you feel about that? (Do you care, does it bother you?) b) Do you have a better relationship with your mom? 3. Gender. I’ll go first: 4. No 5. a) It bugs me a lot b) Yes 1. Male ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2006, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/2 "2006-03-05T23:01:54Z")
Yes Male ---
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2006, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/3 "2006-03-05T23:03:24Z")
1. Now: yes, excellent; used not to be during my teenage years, though. 2. Not applicable. 3. Male. ---
**Author:** ![Campion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Campion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Campion)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2006, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/4 "2006-03-05T23:11:28Z")
[ol][li]Sort of; it’s much, much better than when I was a kid/teenager, but it isn’t perfect. We’re both very controlling people, and we like things done our way. Problem is our way is different. I know he loves me and wants the best for me, and I love him and would do anything for him. Well, almost anything – I won’t do things his way all the time![/li][li]I wish it could be an easier relationship, like I have with my mom, or like my siblings have with him.[/li]Female.[/ol] ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2006, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/5 "2006-03-05T23:20:20Z")
Yes I’m very close to both of them but my relationship is different with each. My father raised us as teenagers, my mom when we were young (yeah, I have a stay-at-home dad, kinda, he has a job but he sits in the house…anyway). My relationship with my father is way more intellectual and we “get” each other’s sense of humour etc… My mother is a bit humourless but unlike my father, she’s not crazy so can be depended on more to find a practical solution to problems and not get overly excited at the drop of a hat. I love them both for what they are. Female. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2006, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/6 "2006-03-05T23:21:14Z")
1. Not much of one. For instance, I don’t recall him ever telling me he loved me. 2. I’d like to have a better relationship, but he’s very trying. 3. Male ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2006, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/7 "2006-03-05T23:21:31Z")
1. Yes, we have a pretty decent relationship. There’s a lot less fiction than there is with my mom. (FTR her and my brother get along even less well) He’s always been the more stable parent, so there’s that. 2. Female ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2006, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/8 "2006-03-05T23:24:24Z")
1. Yes, terrific relationship. Male ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2006, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/9 "2006-03-05T23:25:10Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > For instance, I don’t recall him ever telling me he loved me. Should have previewed… by that I mean that AFAIR he’s never told me that to my face. I’m sure he has, just not anytime recently, like in the past 25 years. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2006, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/10 "2006-03-05T23:52:05Z")
\*\*Do you have a good relationship with your dad?\*\*Yeah, sorta. **Do you have a better relationship with your mom?** Not really. Mom and dad always have been busy with their own lives, and I really don’t owe them a lot. The main difference is that dad is an easier person to get along with in general, lives close, and welcomes my advice and assistance, whereas my mom doesn’t. I’m female, 39. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2006, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/11 "2006-03-06T00:11:20Z")
good relation with dad? yeah. a great onel, actually. i count myself lucky to have him as a dad and hope i’m half as good if/when i have kids. yes, there’s a worse relation with the female birth giver. this is due to many many things, all of which could be a pit thread. i recognize that she has my welfare in mind, but everything she touches turns to shit. i don’t know if she intends it, likes the constant chaos, or if it’s just some brand of fate. male, 24 ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2006, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/12 "2006-03-06T00:17:09Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. Do you have a good relationship with your dad? > > > [@](#): > > > > We get along now and I see myself in him more and more when we (rarely; every few years) see each other. My parents had a horrible marriage that led to fighting and breaking things (usually my mother, my father is mostly passive aggressive) every single night. I actually got very disturbed when they got along for more than a few hours. He was a womanizing alcoholic that engaged in casual neglect and only concern for self at all times. > > > > I had to break the news that he was having an affair to my mother when I was 14. I orchestrated the whole deal with extensive evidence and had him move out that night. I told him (and meant it) that I would kill him that second if he didn’t leave. I hand shotgun in hand and had to cycle a round to get him to leave. He taught me how to shoot very well so he took me seriously. He would never shoot back at me or my brothers even though he was always armed due to death threats but he knew I was serious and I was prepared to kill him right then and there to protect the rest of the family and was tired of being the man of the house at such a young age. A few weeks later, he drove up with a moving van to take virtually everything and I called the police, stalled, and hand to pull a gun on him as well. The police came arrested him, and give him a token one night stay in jail (he was a badge carrying honorary sheriff’s deputy and could do anything he wanted because he grew up in the First Family in our area). > > > [@](#): > > > > 1. If no, then: > > a) How do you feel about that? (Do you care, does it bother you?) > > My father loves me very much and I know that. We share some similarities and he has always been a person that people admire. He is incredibly selfish however and let us down when we most needed it. > > I am also pretty sure that he has committed some unspeakable evil in his time. It scares me more and more that I can see in myself what would lead people to so that. He is an extremely charming, attractive, and intelligent person. > [@](#): > > b) Do you have a better relationship with your mom? Way, way better. I consider her my only real parent and him a relative that gives anything at all as an unexpected bonus. > [@](#): > > 1. Gender. Male, 32 ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2006, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/13 "2006-03-06T00:20:11Z")
**1) Do you have a good relationship with your dad?** Mostly. Not perfect, but enjoyable and companionable and mutually respectful at least. b) Do you have a better relationship with your mom?\*\* I wouldn’t say that. My Mom and I don’t always communicate as well, although she’s generally not as stubborn. I have a lot of respect for her, although not the “put her on a pedestal” type. I think she respects me more as the years go by. **3) Gender.** male ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2006, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/14 "2006-03-06T00:28:07Z")
1. Do you have a good relationship with your dad? No, he was a tyrant with a wide mean and violent streak, and he became an alcoholic. I hadn’t seen him for the last 25 years of his life, and I didn’t go to his funeral. 1. If no, then: a) How do you feel about that? (Do you care, does it bother you?) I don’t feel bad about not having had a relationship with him; he didn’t want one. But I’m bothered about a lot of things regarding it. Mostly, I don’t care. Can’t change it now. b) Do you have a better relationship with your mom? I did for the last six years of her life. Before that, it was off and on. 1. Gender. Male. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2006, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/15 "2006-03-06T00:44:32Z")
1. Not good, in the sense of having genuineness; not bad, in the sense of hostility or anger. He is willfully un-self-aware, so there is no possibility of a real relationship. His motto is that there is no use looking back and dwelling on mistakes, so don’t talk about stuff that happened in the past. 2a. I’m ok with it. It’s too late for a father relationship to do me any good. I now play the part for his sake, because I’m not angry or bitter any more, thanks to a couple of years of therapy. Sadly, my sister is not so fortunate. 2b. Not really, she was very similar, although less angry herself (she died about three years ago). She was, perhaps, a little more open to growth. 1. Male (gay) ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2006, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/16 "2006-03-06T01:34:47Z")
1. Somewhat. Dad was in his 40s when I was born so I didn’t get to do things with him like other boys with their dads[sup]1[/sup]. He was also a little abusive[sup]2[/sup] and imposing[sup]3[/sup]. 2a. Not really. I think our relationship is pretty much normal. 2b. Yeah, I am. Mom is a traditional housewife; I always had more contact with her than Dad. 2. Male. [sup]1[/sup]Like how to throw, how to fight, etc. He did teach me how to play cards. [sup]2[/sup]“You have to hit them to get their attention.” Other than spankings when I misbehaved, he rarely hit me; I recall being slapped in the face when I wouldn’t get up to go to church but that’s it. The threat was always there, though. [sup]3[/sup]He’s a WWII veteran who lied about his age in order to enlist and applied his military training to us kids. He was mostly out of that habit by the time I came along. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2006, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/17 "2006-03-06T01:47:43Z")
_1) Do you have a good relationship with your dad?_ Very much so, I’m grateful for both my parents and my relationship with them but even more for my Dad. Hell, the spare bedroom in my home is called ‘Grandma and Grandpa’s room’ since it basically exists for their convenience. We had the typical turbulent teen years, he undoubtedly got the worse end of that since I’m the youngest of four closely spaced girls, but even through all the drama and strife I always knew I was loved unconditionally. The older I get, the luckier I feel to have had that gift. We went thru a rather odd period in my early twenties of my father telling me he was proud of me constantly, I finally realized he’d had such low expectations for me that he figured I’d not make it as a grownup and he’d be supporting me in a basement or some such, hence his apparent joy at my non-fuckedupness. His politics have gotten increasingly conservative as he’s gotten older, so we often argue about Big Stuff but in an enjoyable non-vindictive kind of way. I appreciate the effort he took growing up to hide some of his less wonderful traits from us kids, homophobia and bigotry for instance, and we’ve had some very serious arguments about those things as adults. We finally arrived at a tenuous peace, realizing the other one isn’t going to change but I played the big trump card of not being involved in the family if I have to hear that type of stuff and he gracefully ceded and keeps his opinions to himself. Recently I took a turn on my career path that’s coincidentally bringing me quite close to the career he retired from so now we have all sorts of work-related chatter and I know he’s bursting with happiness about it, so I’m glad for him. 3) Gender. Female ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2006, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/18 "2006-03-06T02:06:23Z")
1. Yes, a very good relationship. I have a good relationship with my mom, too, but I’m more like my dad than my mom in a lot of ways. We like the same TV shows, for instance, which my mom detests because they are too violent or bloody or whatever. Also, my dad has a Doper-like sense of skepticism which obviously I share, whereas my mom occasionally goes in for airy fairy New Age stuff (like, she had her astrological chart done once) that makes my dad and me roll our eyes. We have a similar sense of humor and recommend each other books and movies all the time. I think my parents are mostly happy that they have one functioning daughter, as my sister is currently en route to a life of pathetic loserdom. My dad has a pretty short fuse and when I was 11-15 or so, we fought a lot, until I realized there was pretty much no point, as we both felt bad about it the next day. At that point I simply refused to engage him in arguments anymore. I think the last fight we had was nine years ago, when I was eighteen. (My sister’s never been able to figure this out. They fight all the freaking time.) 1. I’m female. And I live on the opposite side of the country from my family, which may help. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2006, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/19 "2006-03-06T02:17:58Z")
**1) Do you have a good relationship with your dad?** I have an amazing relationship with my dad - I’ve been my dad’s girl from the beginning. I couldn’t have asked for a better father - he’d move heaven and earth for me and my brother (and now, our children, or soon-to-be-born children). **b) Do you have a better relationship with your mom?** Nope - I love my mom and we get along much better now that I’m an adult, but we’ve always had a precarious relationship. I think we’re a little too similar at times. **3) Gender.** I’m female. ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2006, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189/20 "2006-03-06T02:24:40Z")
I have never met my biological father. The man I called “daddy”, the man I believed was my father until I was sixteen years old, loved me very much. He made my mother promise never to tell me the truth, he wanted to be my one and only father. The last time I saw him was right after I started my first semester of college, he was so proud of me. A couple of weeks later he died. My mother had broken her promise and told me, but I never let on, and he went to his grave knowing that he was my one and only father. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-dad/347189.md?page=2)