# Poll: For ALL Dopers in a relationship **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 14, 2008, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964 "2008-10-14T23:21:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/21 "2008-10-15T01:03:11Z")
1. No, I like the variety. My husband generally grows a beard every fall/winter and shaves it off in spring. 2. Sure. 3. Argue? Don’t think we ever have. I give him wardrobe advice, and he tells me if something goes together or not. 4. Gee, I don’t know. Um, 5? I mean, I wouldn’t want him to gain 100 pounds or grow his hair long (he gets serious helmet hair, it would be very bad, I don’t mind long hair on men in general) or quit showering, and we both enjoy it when the other one is looking good, but it’s not very paramount or anything. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/22 "2008-10-15T01:10:55Z")
Without reading others’ responses: 1. No, I don’t care. 2. N/A 3. Hubby is unsure about how to dress for certain functions, so usually he will ask me if we’re going to something where he has to dress “nicely”. Otherwise, he wears the same thing everyday: a blue workmans’ shirt, bluejeans and a pair of Red Wings. I don’t comment unless he asks first. I _would_ tell him if he didn’t notice a gaping hole or huge stain on something “nice” he was wearing. 4. 1 in day-to-day living; 8 if we’re going somewhere that we need to look decent. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/23 "2008-10-15T01:19:01Z")
Missed the edit window. I’m not sure I answered #4 right. I like the way he looks but that’s not all there is to his attractiveness, if that’s what you mean. Probably a 7. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/24 "2008-10-15T01:31:24Z")
> [@Frustrated\_Wonderer](#): > > 1. Do you mind if your partner alternates between two appearances with relative frequency? (e.g going from goatee to clean shave, going from brunette to blonde, etc) > > 2. If yes: are you straight forward in voicing your opinion to your partner? > > 3. How frequent do you argue with your partner about the way they dress/look? > > 4. On a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (very Important), how would you rate “looks” as an important aspect in your relationship? 1. Nope, I don’t mind. I think it’s amusing. 2. If I really like or really hate a look, yes. 3. I never argue about it. I will occasionally point out something like, “There’s a stain on that shirt.” 4. I don’t know how to answer this question. I love my husband so I love his looks which are part of him. But it isn’t important how “good” he looks on any sort of objective scale. Uh. 5? ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/25 "2008-10-15T01:48:20Z")
**1) Do you mind if your partner alternates between two appearances with relative frequency? (e.g going from goatee to clean shave, going from brunette to blonde, etc)** He hasn’t changed his look and explains it as keeping what works. I darken/ lighten my hair seasonally and this pleases him. **2) If yes: are you straight forward in voicing your opinion to your partner?** I would straight up tell him I preferred the moustache if he shaved it off. He shaves other things and I tell him straight. **3) How frequent do you argue with your partner about the way they dress/look?** Haven’t yet; he has wonderful taste and is always well-groomed and yummy. He tells me if my hair has wandered into CrazyLand or if I smudged my eyeliner. He asks why I don’t wear that little denim mini to watch a football game and I explain those bleachers are aluminum. He gets it. \*\* 4) On a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (very Important), how would you rate “looks” as an important aspect in your relationship?\*\* For me, it’s not so much “looks” as health/ fitness and grooming. He’s perfect for me the way he is, but I would be less attracted if he were to “give up” and not shave or brush his teeth. He’s said my looks are important to him. I’m glad he’s realistic and knows I’m aging as we speak, but he doesn’t want me to “give up” either. The fact that I don’t own a sweatshirt or flannel nightgown thrills him. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/26 "2008-10-15T01:51:35Z")
1. Do you mind if your partner alternates between two appearances with relative frequency? (e.g going from goatee to clean shave, going from brunette to blonde, etc). She never does, but I wouldn’t mind. 1. If yes: are you straight forward in voicing your opinion to your partner? N/A 1. How frequent do you argue with your partner about the way they dress/look? Never. 1. On a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (very Important), how would you rate “looks” as an important aspect in your relationship? 1 ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/27 "2008-10-15T02:40:35Z")
1. _snerk_ Except for a brief period in his early to mid-teens, he’s had the same haircut since he was a toddler. The rest of his style really hasn’t changed since we met in college. Of course, clothingwise you could say the same about me, although my hair has changed length and color over the years. This is totally NOT an issue for either of us. 2. N/A, because we’re both such creatures of habit. 3. What a bizarre thing to argue about. 4. 1 for me, I dunno for him. He thinks I’m beautiful even when I’ve got a stomach virus and have spent 3 days hanging one end or the other over the toilet, though, so even if looks were a 10 for him, it wouldn’t be an issue. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/28 "2008-10-15T03:14:19Z")
1. No idea, as he hasn’t really changed his appearance in the 10 years we’ve been together. If he did, it would depend on what the change was. I very much dislike facial hair on men (as does he), and he knows this, so I would be annoyed if he suddenly decided he wanted a beard, because I’d feel like he was messing with me. Radical changes in dress/hair length/jewelry are fine, within reason. (e.g. self mutilation or deciding he wants to not launder his clothes would be a problem. If he wants a purple mohawk and it’s not going to get him fired from work, no problem.) 2. If he made a change that bothered me, I’d let him know. 3. Argue? Almost never. I have told him that I’m not leaving the house with him if he’s dressed in a shirt with noticeable holes, but that’s because he doesn’t notice and is fine with changing his shirt. The closest we’ve gotten to arguing about it is him complaining about having to dress up for things. 4. 3? Really, I don’t know; we’ve been together long enough that it’s hard to separate his looks from who he is. ---
**Author:** ![carlotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@carlotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlotta)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/29 "2008-10-15T03:32:56Z")
1. Do you mind if your partner alternates between two appearances with relative frequency? (e.g going from goatee to clean shave, going from brunette to blonde, etc) He doesn’t, but I wouldn’t mind. He went from romance-novel-cover long hair to corporate short without fazing me. 2) If yes: are you straight forward in voicing your opinion to your partner? No. I rarely think he looks anything but good, but I don’t really think how he dresses or styles his appearance is any of my business. I assume he feels the same since he never criticizes my dressing choices. He will, very rarely, issue the occasional affirmation of long hair in opposition to short hair. 3) How frequent do you argue with your partner about the way they dress/look? Never. Never ever. 4) On a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (very Important), how would you rate “looks” as an important aspect in your relationship? Like so many others have said, he always looks good to me. I guess looks are fairly important since physical attraction is an important part of our relationship, but “looks” here don’t have much to do with “style”, especially since we’re both pretty clear our favorite look is “naked” He’s lost about 30 lbs. since he had a heart attack about a year and a half ago and while I can tell he looks “better” in an objective way, it’s not like I’m more attracted to him, because I was already so attracted to him, even 30 lb. heavier. ---
**Author:** ![torie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@torie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torie)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/30 "2008-10-15T03:49:46Z")
**1) Do you mind if your partner alternates between two appearances with relative frequency? (e.g going from goatee to clean shave, going from brunette to blonde, etc)** My husband frequently changes from goatee to full beard to clean shave. It’s a cycle with him, and it doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve never really put much thought in it, to tell you the truth. **2) If yes: are you straight forward in voicing your opinion to your partner?** Since my opinion is ‘don’t care’, I guess by saying nothing I have been straightforward, no? 🙂 **3) How frequent do you argue with your partner about the way they dress/look?** Not frequently at all. The only issue is that he’ll get wrapped up in juggling us, his side projects, and his job and forget to shower for days on end. I am very straightforward in my opinion on that, and shove him in the shower when it get ridiculous. It’s not really an argument, though. 1. **On a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (very Important), how would you rate “looks” as an important aspect in your relationship?** About a 4 or 5. We like each other to look good, and compliment each other when we do. However, in all the day to day of work, house, children, other things are much much more important. ---
**Author:** ![phil417](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6bbea6/32.png) [@phil417](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phil417)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/31 "2008-10-15T03:58:28Z")
[quote=“Frustrated\_Wonderer, post:1, topic:467964”] This poll is meant for all Dopers in a relationship. Wether it be boyfriend/girlfriend, same sex relationships, SO’s or marriage. 1. My husband had long hair when I met him, & I never asked him to change it. Last April, he surrendered part of his hair to “Locks of Love”. I preferred the new look. 2. Yes, of course. I’ve set up appointments for him. 3. I don’t. I buy his clothes. 4. For me, on the scale, I rate zero. I love him no matter what he looks like. But he works for a school district, so he has to maintain a professional look. PS: it’s “whether” Love, Phil ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/32 "2008-10-15T04:01:15Z")
> [@Frustrated\_Wonderer](#): > > 1. Do you mind if your partner alternates between two appearances with relative frequency? (e.g going from goatee to clean shave, going from brunette to blonde, etc) > > 2. If yes: are you straight forward in voicing your opinion to your partner? > > 3. How frequent do you argue with your partner about the way they dress/look? > > 4. On a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (very Important), how would you rate “looks” as an important aspect in your relationship? 1. The wife never alters her appearance. My only request of her – request, not order – is that she never cut her hair too short – say, never above shoulder length. I do not like super-short hair on most women. 2. Not sure if #1 was a yes or no, but the wife will tell you I’m never slow to voice my opinion to her. 😃 One thing is back in our courting days, she had a super-nice perm and much longer hair, which I always wish she’d do again, but she says now that she’s older, her hair is “weaker,” and it would damage it. 3. Never. 4. Gee, it never was that important, but the wife _was_ quite the little cutie when we first met. Now that we’re both well into middle age, neither of us look like we did way back when, but the wife, as Thais often do, definitely looks much younger than she is. I’d say put the importance at 5, right in the middle. Her two older sisters are close to 60, wear short hair and look like little old Chinese men! I just don’t want that to happen to the wife, even though I suspect her sisters have always looked like little old Chinese men, no matter their hairstyle; I definitely got the best one. ---
**Author:** ![Azhure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/71c47a/32.png) [@Azhure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azhure)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/33 "2008-10-15T05:40:15Z")
1. No. 2. n/a - but I’ll volunteer my opinion if it’s a positive one, and answer honestly if asked if it’s a negative opinion. He does the same for me. 3. We don’t argue about it - if one of us asks their other their opinion, we’ll say if we don’t like it but won’t expect the other to then immediately go change and never wear that thing again. 4. Probably a 5? ---
**Author:** ![Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silence_of_the_clams)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/34 "2008-10-15T10:57:44Z")
1. Do you mind if your partner alternates between two appearances with relative frequency? (e.g going from goatee to clean shave, going from brunette to blonde, etc) - no I don’t, she has actually tried anything from crewcut to long hair, but she suits all looks. 2. If yes: are you straight forward in voicing your opinion to your partner? - I do not regard myself qualified to meddle in her looks. My dress code extends to jeans and t-shirts - putting me in charge of commenting on her style would be like giving a monkey a wrench and ask it to fix that spaceshuttle. 3. How frequent do you argue with your partner about the way they dress/look? - I don’t. 4. On a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (very Important), how would you rate “looks” as an important aspect in your relationship? - A 7 maybe, but then again, she just looks great no matter what style she has adopted. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/35 "2008-10-15T12:09:48Z")
1. Do you mind if your partner alternates between two appearances with relative frequency? (e.g going from goatee to clean shave, going from brunette to blonde, etc) **No. I’d like it if she did it far more often, in fact.** 1. If yes: are you straight forward in voicing your opinion to your partner? **N/A** 1. How frequent do you argue with your partner about the way they dress/look? **Maybe once a month, and “argue” is overstating it, I think. More like say “I don’t like that top with those pants, and here’s why…” and she’ll either agree and change, or disagree and wear it. The only regular bone of contention was her tucking t-shirts into jeans, years ago, but she’s cured of that now.** 1. On a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (very Important), how would you rate “looks” as an important aspect in your relationship? **2-3** ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/36 "2008-10-15T14:16:31Z")
1. Do you mind if your partner alternates between two appearances with relative frequency? (e.g going from goatee to clean shave, going from brunette to blonde, etc) No. He grows a beard, wears it for a year or so, then goes cleanshaven for a while. 1. If yes: are you straight forward in voicing your opinion to your partner? n/a 1. How frequent do you argue with your partner about the way they dress/look? Never 1. On a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (very Important), how would you rate “looks” as an important aspect in your relationship? 6 ---
**Author:** ![CircleofWillis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/54ee81/32.png) [@CircleofWillis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CircleofWillis)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/37 "2008-10-15T14:30:23Z")
> [@Frustrated\_Wonderer](#): > > This poll is meant for all Dopers in a relationship. Wether it be boyfriend/girlfriend, same sex relationships, SO’s or marriage. > > 1. Do you mind if your partner alternates between two appearances with relative frequency? (e.g going from goatee to clean shave, going from brunette to blonde, etc) > > 2. If yes: are you straight forward in voicing your opinion to your partner? > > 3. How frequent do you argue with your partner about the way they dress/look? > > 4. On a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (very Important), how would you rate “looks” as an important aspect in your relationship? 1. No. My ex-wife used to change her look with amazing frequency. I was never sure who I was coming home to in the evening. My girlfriend doesn’t change her look that much at all. I am completely OK with that because she is smoking H-O-double T. 2. Though I don’t mind the change in looks, I will comment on the look that is changed (eg “I like that look. You should do it more often” or “That style would look better with auburn hair” or something like that.) 3. Never, as long as she is naked at some point . 😃 4. 5 (The “connection” is MUCH more important. Though I can say that I have never dated an unattractive woman. Of course, if she is unattractive, there is no err… attraction by definition.) ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/38 "2008-10-15T14:32:28Z")
_1) Do you mind if your partner alternates between two appearances with relative frequency? (e.g going from goatee to clean shave, going from brunette to blonde, etc)_ Eh, he goes from clean shaven to goatee, I like both looks but I’m not overly fond of the Scruffy Goatee stage. _2) If yes: are you straight forward in voicing your opinion to your partner?_ Yep. I would also add the tone of these comments is overall pleasant, not nasty. _3) How frequent do you argue with your partner about the way they dress/look?_ Argue? Never. However, he has that mild male colorblindness thing, so I chime in on the matching issue. \* 4) On a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (very Important), how would you rate “looks” as an important aspect in your relationship?\* 3? We met on the internet and were well on the way to a relationship before we even saw pictures (this was in ancient times and we had dial up and BBSs and we liked it and get off my lawn, etc etc). Fortunately it turns out we are both normal looking. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/39 "2008-10-15T15:04:12Z")
51, male, married 15 years 1. Do you mind if your partner alternates between two appearances with relative frequency? (e.g going from goatee to clean shave, going from brunette to blonde, etc) She changes her hair from time to time but has never alternated between two appearances, so I can’t answer concretely. But people that do that strike me either as being a little insecure with their appearance, or just playing with their appearance; hard to draw a conclusion without knowing the personality. 1. If yes: are you straight forward in voicing your opinion to your partner? I am straightforward (but usually diplomatic) about voicing my opinion in everything to her. 1. How frequent do you argue with your partner about the way they dress/look? Never. Ever. Not once. (Once I dated a girl though, who, when I picked her up to go dancing she looked pretty cheap, not my style at all. No argument, I just didn’t keep dating her.) 1. On a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (very Important), how would you rate “looks” as an important aspect in your relationship? Complicated. I guess 6. I have to be physically attracted to someone but after 15 years of marriage you’ve got bigger things to think about. Actually after the first date, you should have bigger things to think about. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964/40 "2008-10-15T16:03:00Z")
> [@Frustrated\_Wonderer](#): > > This poll is meant for all Dopers in a relationship. Wether it be boyfriend/girlfriend, same sex relationships, SO’s or marriage. > > 1. Do you mind if your partner alternates between two appearances with relative frequency? (e.g going from goatee to clean shave, going from brunette to blonde, etc) \*\* He hasn’t changed his look in 40 years. Mine has not changed significantly. If either of us changed drastically, we’d never find each other in a crowd.\*\* > [@](#): > > 1. If yes: are you straight forward in voicing your opinion to your partner? \*\*I think it’s rather rude to ride someone’s ass about their appearance. I either accept it or I don’t. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. How frequent do you argue with your partner about the way they dress/look?\*\* Almost never. I have asked him to remove his hat on occasion.\*\* > [@](#): > > 1. On a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (very Important), how would you rate “looks” as an important aspect in your relationship?\*\* Not very, though sometimes I wish he was less scruffy.\*\* [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-for-all-dopers-in-a-relationship/467964.md?page=3)