# Poll: Have you ever masturbated at work? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 22, 2010, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371 "2010-05-22T15:28:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/101 "2010-05-24T15:12:45Z")
I have, but only when I’ve been working late, and only in the shower (my workplace has a gym). ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/102 "2010-05-24T15:34:33Z")
In the Army, I bunked in an open bay with 19 other guys but I had a Top Secret job so I was always locked in a room by myself. In other words, work was the ONLY place I could do it. The other time was when I was 15 or 16. I had a girlfriend at work and we just finished making out in the storage room in the basement. Then I went upstairs to finish cleaning and realized no one was around and they weren’t coming back any time soon, so… The bad part was that I was a cleaner at a day care. Sure, it was closing time, dark, empty, and the remaining kids/teachers were on a different floor and across the building, but still. Had my 16 yr old self realized the legal trouble it could’ve caused, I would never have done it. Luckily, I was much wiser in the following 6 years I worked there and never even attempted it. I still shudder at how it could have all gone wrong. > [@Anaamika](#): > > As someone else mentioned, girls can do it super-quietly. 🆒 …while posting on the Dope? ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/103 "2010-05-24T16:18:21Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > In the Army, I bunked in an open bay with 19 other guys but I had a Top Secret job so I was always locked in a room by myself. In other words, work was the ONLY place I could do it. I always assumed that in the Army and similar situations where a bunch of guys bunk together, it was generally accepted that you did what you had to do, when you had to do it, and it was never spoken of. Along the lines of how all the toilets were in a big room and you just did your business sitting across from another guy doing his. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/104 "2010-05-25T03:32:34Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > I always assumed that in the Army and similar situations where a bunch of guys bunk together, it was generally accepted that you did what you had to do, when you had to do it, and it was never spoken of. Along the lines of how all the toilets were in a big room and you just did your business sitting across from another guy doing his. There have always been tales of some such stuff, but I’ve never actually seen it. I mean, I guess if the guy wasn’t embarrassed about it, he could go for it in full view of everyone else and they wouldn’t say a word, but I don’t know of anyone that courageous. Most guys still did it in secret, such as late at night while pretending to sleep. BTW, the toilets aren’t generally “in a big room”. Most of them are just like regular public restrooms with stalls and everything. And if they _didn’t_ have stalls, then I’m sure someone would take nail to plywood and build some. At least, that’s what we did to make “bedrooms” out of our big, open sleeping quarters. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/105 "2010-05-25T06:05:13Z")
Yeah, from time to time I used to rub one out in the gents. Been a few years since the last time though. An ex-girlfriend admitted to doing it in the office occasionally when the other two-thirds of the team wasn’t there, and on strong circumstantial evidence, a co-worker of mine sometimes went [one better](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7550914&postcount=136). ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/106 "2010-05-25T13:34:46Z")
Reading this thread I keep hearing [Jan Miner (as Madge)](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jan_Miner) saying, “You’re soaking in it”. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/107 "2010-05-25T14:09:43Z")
> [@Future\_Londonite](#): > > I have on occassion…weirdest thing was when the guy in the stall next to me was having a wank (I was not at the time), and we’re talking stalls with gaps at the bottom so it wasn’t too difficult to figure out what was going on in the stall next to me4 based on the shadows 🙂 There’s a damn good chance he wanted you to know what he was doing. Shadow play is a very old tactic. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/108 "2010-05-25T15:06:52Z")
As a system administrator/IT guy, let me tell you all a fact: you do NOT want to know what your co-workers are getting up to with the company network connection. My two historical favorites are “the guy who honestly thought (or convinced HR that he believed it enough to not get fired) that working second-shift tech support (4PM-midnight) and then immediately clocking out and sucking up an hour or so of porn was appropriate–he wasn’t on company time, no one else was there to see him or complain about bandwidth use, what’s the problem?” and “the 60-yr-old guy with three daughters in the young teen range. Who was surfing the Yahoo profiles of female high school gymnasts and cheerleaders. For hours a day. (he didn’t get fired either, as he was a founder and co-owner–but you can bet I anonymously tipped off the high school)”. Come to think of it, you are more likely to be fired by HR/Exec at some place I’ve worked for listening to streaming radio or copying mp3s onto company hardware than you were for pornography in the workplace. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/109 "2010-05-25T15:08:04Z")
Hell, I’ve worked from home and it never occurred to me. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/110 "2010-05-25T15:12:13Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > I did once see a “Consumer Report” type show where contractors were videoed doing a job and then critiqued about what they did right or wrong. > > One guy did get caught “working it” in the ladies bedroom, with her panties on tape. Was that wrong? Should he not have done that? He had no idea… ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/111 "2010-05-27T01:26:02Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > You sure about that? I was always under the impression that women are loud when it comes to their masturbation (see **NinetyWt** ’s post). I don’t make noise at all. Well, jeez, if we base things just on one poster in this thread, then guys need to jerk off every time they get a hard-on. Right? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/112 "2010-05-27T01:52:47Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Well, jeez, if we base things just on one poster in this thread, then guys need to jerk off every time they get a hard-on. Right? I wasn’t basing my opinion on her post. I was using her post as an example. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/113 "2010-05-27T04:59:10Z")
> [@Hockey\_Monkey](#): > > pffft! I’ve had sex on the job. Never masturbated at work, but I’ve had sex at work. Possibly TMI: I need to be pretty much reclined in order to come (sitting on a couch with my butt at the edge of the cushion is about as upright as I can get) and I’m sure as hell not lying on the floor in a public bathroom. > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > This is a poll for people who have had jobs to masturbate at. Well played, sir. > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Most mammals will masturbate when left alone long enough. A male horse will slap its dick against its belly. > > Funny because that’s how I do it, too. How do you get the horse to keep still while you slap your dick against its belly? > [@](#): > > When I worked at Gamestop I once jerked off to a picture of Tori Wilson in an old WWE Smackdown vs RAW strategy guide (we kept all the strategy games not out on the floor in the bathroom as reading material). The picture you linked to is of Trish Stratus. [Here](http://theryancokeexperience.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/torrie-wilson.jpg)’s Torrie Wilson. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/114 "2010-05-27T06:16:25Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Well played, sir. Thank you, thank you. > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > How do you get the horse to keep still while you slap your dick against its belly? I take my horses like I take my women: Unconscious. > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > The picture you linked to is of Trish Stratus. [Here](http://theryancokeexperience.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/torrie-wilson.jpg)’s Torrie Wilson. Oh. Whoops. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/115 "2010-05-27T12:35:57Z")
This thread may be played out. I’m eager to see peoples’ responses to _Have you ever masturbated on the commute to work?_😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/116 "2010-05-27T18:18:45Z")
I never have, although I guess I maybe could have at an old job of mine if I wanted to…but the thought never occurred to me. I do love this thread cuz the responses are terribly interesting. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/117 "2010-05-27T18:52:53Z")
My workplace and coworkers are not conducive to this activity. The mens room stall is a big ol’ handicapped accessible stall and it just doesn’t feel private enough. And it’s not comfortable enough under my desk. ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/118 "2010-05-28T02:52:30Z")
I said option 4 (no, and don’t know anyone who does), but I should specify that I mean at a workplace other than my home. I work at home about half the time or more these days, and I absolutely do masturbate while “at work” (well, not while actually working, that’d be silly and counterproductive to both tasks, but you get what I mean) while working in my own castle. At work elsewhere, though? No. Especially because that’s a school, and an adult, particularly a male adult like me, masturbating at an elementary school is, like, a REALLY bad idea. So, not now, and probably not ever. ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/119 "2010-05-28T19:23:52Z")
I have to say, I have avoided this thread for a long time because it’s really NSFW in the sense of you don’t want this on the title bar of your browser (even if covered with other windows) when a colleague surfs on by. But when I saw it had gone to over ELEVEN pages of replies, I just had to see the poll results. Dang. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371/120 "2010-05-28T20:52:37Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > The picture you linked to is of Trish Stratus. [Here](http://theryancokeexperience.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/torrie-wilson.jpg)’s Torrie Wilson. 'scuse me. I’ve got to, ummm, check the inventory in the back room. (Woof!) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-have-you-ever-masturbated-at-work/540371.md?page=7)