# POLL: Honestly, did you believe Umkay's story before she was outed? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 26, 2012, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375 "2012-06-26T18:46:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/81 "2012-06-26T22:53:45Z")
I said ‘Other’ because I wasn’t really paying that much attention. I didn’t read the devoté thread, but I skimmed most pages of the ‘Ask the’ thread. It vaguely tripped my lie meter, but I didn’t put enough thought into it to have anything I could honestly classify as doubts. Like I said in the Pit thread, what rang my warning bell wasn’t really Umkay’s own posts - it was the responses. Real people just don’t evoke that kind of adulation - so fast, so over-the-top and so much of it. Only a persona/character that’s been very carefully constructed to garner adulation is going to elicit that level of it. It was the overall pattern of interaction, not her actual posts, that rang vaguely false. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/82 "2012-06-26T23:01:26Z")
Until she ‘died’ and the NotOkay was outed. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/83 "2012-06-26T23:09:05Z")
I believed it, but why would I believe it any less (or more) than anything any one of you tell me? I’ve never met any of you in real life or done any research to see if some of you really are lawyers, doctors, disabled, etc. It’s a message board, and if you feel satisfied that you fool me by bullshitting me here, then here’s an “attaboy” for you. Now, if you got me to send you money, then I will admit and accept the dunce points. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/84 "2012-06-26T23:14:40Z")
I believed her. I even believed she was real when the suspicion was first brought out in the open. But to my credit, I didn’t like her and was silently gagging in the “umkay is dead” thread. The “I don’t have patience for people who feel sorry for themselves!” stuff did not jibe with a person who wants to be a counselor. (Admission time: I don’t think I’d want to go to a counselor who has challenges so obvious and intense that they make my own pale in comparison. If you can’t feel sorry about your piddly problems in front of a therapist, where are you gonna go?) ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/85 "2012-06-26T23:58:58Z")
I didn’t really read her thread beyond the first few pages, but I believed her right up until the “NotOkay” stunt. It was an obvious attempt to milk peoples kind words, and then flame peoples’ anger. I didn’t post as I didn’t want to feed the troll. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/86 "2012-06-27T00:22:37Z")
Bought “her” hook, line, and sinker until her pattern was mentioned in the Pit thread. ---
**Author:** ![CatherineZeta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@CatherineZeta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CatherineZeta)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/87 "2012-06-27T00:35:29Z")
I only read the “Ask the…” thread, not the “Dating a Devotee” one, but I did believe her. I wasn’t going to fall all over myself fawning over her, but what she posted about was pretty interesting and informative and made me think about what I would do if I found myself in that situation (be completely financially fucked is the answer). I only saw the **NotOkay** thread after it had been debunked and then I started to wonder when **umkay** \*\*\*\* would be banned- it just seemed very strange for someone to pop up here with a story about their medical condition, not participate in the board otherwise, and then suddenly die from it. I guess being a longtime lurker and registering to ask a question makes sense. I lurked for years and then registered to ask a question about something a crazy post office employee said to me. That could also explain why she referred to us as “dopers”, etc. If you lurk long enough you learn terms that are used around the board, board protocol, etc. But in retrospect the lack of participation otherwise should have clued me in. I wondered about it at the time but figured she was busy answering questions people had and felt obliged to answer them in a timely manner. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/88 "2012-06-27T00:35:59Z")
I started reading the wheelchair girl thread after the first few days. After a few pages I got the sense that she was just TOO MUCH so I stopped reading. I think it was the one-night stands that pushed me over the edge. When her “death” was announced, I thought there might be a chance it was real so I said some nice things, just in case, being a nice person and all. When she was resurrected, I knew it was a trollio situation. Just TOO MUCH, you know? ---
**Author:** ![FeAudrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7feea3/32.png) [@FeAudrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FeAudrey)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/89 "2012-06-27T00:42:00Z")
Voted “nope … fishy”. I thought that the personal history that she posted was vanishingly improbable. Just for starters, a little searching turned up that only 18% of quadriplegics are female. Fewer than 5% were injured in sports other than diving, and snowboarding is pretty niche. Totally gorgeous … filthy rich … wasn’t there mention of a twin sister? Not to mention that, with large numbers of relatives, friends, paid carers, medical personnel, therapists, etc, specialty message boards for all sorts of conditions, more than a decade of dealing with her disability – she needs advice, and she turns up HERE? A couple of pages of the “devote” thread, and I wandered off. ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/90 "2012-06-27T00:43:59Z")
I never even opened the thread she started about being in a wheelchair, or the devotee one either for that matter. Didn’t even know they were by the same person. So I didn’t know anything about it until it all went down and she was already banned. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/91 "2012-06-27T00:48:29Z")
I find this thread fascinating. I’ve been unable to surf the dope much the last 6 months but I saw her two popular threads I had no interest in the wheel chair thread and I figured the devote thread was just going to stir up shit so I had no urge to go in there. I completely missed the rest of the drama. I’m bummed that I’ve completely missed one of the bigger dramas on the board since I’ve been around. Now off to read the crap. ---
**Author:** ![Satchmo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/satchmo/32/4223_2.png) [@Satchmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satchmo)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/92 "2012-06-27T00:49:53Z")
I’ve been away, so didn’t know she was banned until I read this thread. I believed her, no reason not to. There are many more skeptical people than I on this board and I don’t believe anyone can fool all the people for very long. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/93 "2012-06-27T00:50:43Z")
The first day or so seemed pretty on the up to me, but as the thread went on my troll-sense was tingling a bit. By the time of the “Death” thread, I figured it was a counter-troll trying to force the first troll’s hand. And it seemed to work. ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/94 "2012-06-27T01:15:05Z")
Fell for it completely. The death notice had me run through ‘is this fake’ in my mind briefly, but I dismissed it out of hand rather quickly. (her depth of knowledge on quadriplegia, which wasn’t called out by those on the Dope very familiar with it had a LOT do with me being fooled). I figured no one would be so desperate for attention to go through SO MUCH research. Even her return, didn’t really tip me off, as I felt NotOkay was just Gezmo being a dick. I started to have a few doubts when she didn’t immediately start answering some of the questions that had piled up in the Ask the…thread, and I thought it odd that she asked what set off people’s BS meters in NotOkay’s death announcement…but still…I thought it far more likely that she was real and some other jerk had taken advantage of her absence. When the sezyoo stuff came out, though, it was pretty obvious and all the pieces came together for me. So, I was way, way late to the party on realizing she was fake, but oh well. Still strikes me as sad and a little unbelievable that people will go through so much trouble to present a fake life. Ambivalid’s theory that she’s a Pretender (likely not only online but in real life) makes it all seem a little more understandable, though. I didn’t read the devotee thread, though…just her OP so I knew what she was talking about in the Ask The… thread. Maybe if I had read that as well I’d have clued in earlier, but probably not, as I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt as a rule unless I know for sure. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/95 "2012-06-27T01:29:57Z")
I said Other. I didn’t participate in the thread, but read it and found it quite fascinating. I thought she was real, but gilding her lily with exaggerations to make herself more interesting. I got a vibe of fishing and craving for attention and being appealing, but it seemed natural that a quad confined in that way would crave the social attention. I’m pretty willing to believe though, I really did believe my friend had “a girlfriend…in Canada” as a teen 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/96 "2012-06-27T01:31:07Z")
I read the “Ask the…” and “Should I…” threads, then got busy for the last week and missed all the drama. She seemed credible to me, as I have no special knowledge of spinal cord injuries that would cause me to be suspicious. When I saw they were locked, I looked at the ATMB thread, and honestly didn’t see any evidence of trollery that would stand up in a court of law. I have not read the Pit thread, as that sounds just too depressing. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/97 "2012-06-27T01:44:24Z")
I don’t think I doubted her, but I was not interested in the topic enough to read her threads. I do remember having the fleeting thought that she and Jamie might have a lot to talk about, but that’s about it. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/98 "2012-06-27T01:50:03Z")
I got taken in. Maybe 6 pages into the ask the thread. I read 'em all the way through. I guess the spidey sense should tingle if it reads to good to be true. There was a thread maybe 5 years ago about a Male to Female trans-sexual that was an elementary school teacher, who went back to teach at the same elementary school. IIRC, it started out pretty captivating,… especially if you weren’t really paying attention. Then you kinda get drawn into the drama. “What a cool story, and it’s a Doper, wow, I’m vicariously part of this coolness going on.” That thread couldn’t sustain itself for very long. Posting during class breaks or something. ---
**Author:** ![chizzuk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@chizzuk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chizzuk)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/99 "2012-06-27T01:54:25Z")
Yup, I fell for the whole bit. But I don’t feel outraged or embarrassed that it turned out to be a fraud or anything. The thread was an interesting read that led to interesting drama and it wasn’t like I had invested anything beyond reading time. So she was a fake, but I didn’t send $50,000 to a deposed Nigerian prince, I just read some posts. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375/100 "2012-06-27T01:59:07Z")
> [@Tad](#): > > I’m too new to this forum to know this story in any detail, but in another forum I would post on there was recently someone who (after many years of posting) fooled tons of people that he had cancer, was going through chemotherapy with a hard-ass-soft-on-the-inside eccentric named Fred, and was given a blog (by the administrators of that forum) to talk about his experiences with him. > > I caught a whiff of it through a thread concerning the blog itself and the newest entry that pointed out he had about a year left to live. That was the first post I read, so I wished him well and offered anything that some stranger on the internet can by way of “advice” (or best wishes, anyway). Following that, I read the rest of the blog. It was obviously fictional, poorly written, and highly cinematic. Nothing about it spoke to any fraction of reality. Another poster brought up the inconsistencies and was promptly banned. I followed suit and asked for simple information: does anyone know him personally? does anyone know anyone who knows anyone who has been with him in recent days/months? does anyone have any specific information about where he works so that anything can be verified? > > These questions were very insulting to people and so I didn’t post anything else. Less than a week later, and now with a fund set up to donate money (which he asked to go to charity), he’s apparently dead. So this time I private message people to ask for specific information: what’s his last name? when/if there is an obituary, can someone post it to me? what school (he apparently was a teacher at a school in the “Dallas area”) did he work at and is there anything written by that school/his former students? The same kinds of questions. People started posting anonymously that this person was a fraud and were immediately banned and had their posts deleted by the administrators. I came along and offered the same questions and was banned. > > Less than a week later, it was revealed that this person was a fraud. Everything they wrote was a lie: no Fred, no chemo, no cancer, not a teacher, not even the age they represented as. People were still so offended by my questions that they were indignant enough to be happy that I was banned rather than offer anything by way of apology or otherwise. > > I don’t make friends with people on the internet and I don’t reveal any personal information about my life. I’m still relatively young (27 years old) but feel “old” in the respect of not following through with people’s comfort with the internet and disclosure (I have no Facebook profile, no Twitter, no blog, no cell phone, etc.). I don’t think it’s smart to reveal things about yourself online and, though I won’t necessarily be mean to people, I don’t think it’s good policy to “befriend” people on an internet forum/other internet site that you don’t (and can’t) know. People like the person I spoke about and Umkay definitely exist in scores and their illnesses perpetuate through anonymity. I am a proponent of anonymity but within the conditions of not giving oneself away within it. That means mediating what you’re willing to give and receive in these kinds of environment. You should give respect and thoughtful response and some empathy, but that’s about it. > > The fact that this happened on this forum isn’t even a surprise to me anymore. I’ve seen it so many times. I just hope people learn something from it. Great post, new guy. Welcome to the Dope and I look forward to reading more from you. I didn’t believe **Umkay** once I started reading a lot. I used to work with para- and quadriplegics and I didn’t think much of what she said about how she lived was true. I especially had issues with the speed, accuracy, and complexity of her posts. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-honestly-did-you-believe-umkays-story-before-she-was-outed/626375.md?page=6)