Addenum:
'Yes, all the time–in both the physical world and via the Web, with both strangers and intimates…but if I am sure that it is delibrate hassasement, in self defence of my mind I am allowed to fry them with Chain Lightning
When I feel the need to tell someone something I always try to ask myself the Dear Abby questions:
Is it true?
Is it helpful?
Is it nice?
It needs to fulfill two out of three of those criteria or I shut my mouth and walk away. I am not going to just be honest for the sake of honesty; the lack of honesty does not equal lies. Silence is golden, after all.
I’m just picturing a scenario in which a woman asks me if a particular article of clothing makes her look fat. Better not spare her feelings because I need brutal honesty in order to win the debate.
Or something like that.
I never really understood why anyone would be offended by that. After all, articles of clothing don’t have feelings. Always seemed helpful and friendly to me.
When a woman is asking that question, she’s never asking about the article of clothing.
I agree with you that the need for honest discourse and the potential for grave offense are greater after a certain point. But being honest with someone doesn’t mean that you can’t be diplomatic. If you completely dismiss someone’s assertions, they’re simply not going to listen to you. For example, if someone were to tell me that evolution is a myth because it says right there in the Bible that the earth was created in 6 days with God resting on the 7th, telling them they’re an idiot for being draw into such bs isn’t going to make them go, “Oh, you’re right! Thank you so much for enlightening me!” Nor will asking them, “Well, how do you explain all the evidence to the contrary?” The latter is probably less rude than the former, but it’s just as confrontational.
On the other hand, if you approach someone on their own ground if possible, they’re more likely to listen. So, if you try something more along the lines of, “I’ve heard that many stories in the Bible are considered metaphors even by the clergy and that the Catholic church actually accepts the theory of evolution. Do you think that Darwin’s theory is incompatible with religion? There’s so much evidence in favor of evolution,” you might at least spur some thinking rather than a knee-jerk recoil.
Personally, I think it’s more important to encourage someone debating you to think, “Hey, they might have a point” rather than to completely change their mind. At least if you sow the seeds of doubt, you might encourage them to do the research. Me spouting what I’ve studied to someone else who doesn’t believe me is no substitute for them doing the research themselves. Even if they arrive at the “wrong” conclusion, at least they’ve seriously considered a different opinion.
Plus, it’s generally easy to recognize when someone isn’t going to listen to you anyway and you (general you) just need to shut it and walk away.