# Poll: On which side are your saltines buttered? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 31, 2015, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410 "2015-01-31T06:20:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/41 "2015-02-01T13:55:03Z")
The outside. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/42 "2015-02-01T15:28:39Z")
I last ate saltines (with canned soup) as a child. I see no reason to eat either now. I suppose if I live long enough to go into a nursing home, I’ll have them again, though probably not buttered! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/43 "2015-02-01T15:32:18Z")
> [@obfusciatrist](#): > > When you start heating your Saltines then you’ll have a point. Eating solid, unmelted butter is gross and weird. And since Saltines don’t really have any flavor of their own you should skip the cracker and just eat the butter with a spoon (sprinkling a little salt on it if that is what you really want). > > Just my opinion but really you all should recognize its inherent correctness. Can I assume that butter cookies and shortbread are right out for you? Nasty, solid, unmelted butter (well, resolidified, anyway). And those croissants: _mon dieu_, the horror! Never had a buttered baguette and a coffee at a Paris bistro? I’m getting the impression that you people are secret margarine eaters and Crisco lickers. ---
**Author:** ![Chicken\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Chicken\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicken_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/44 "2015-02-01T15:39:57Z")
I may never understand why anyone would willingly eat a saltine at all. ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/45 "2015-02-01T17:51:53Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Can I assume that butter cookies and shortbread are right out for you? Nasty, solid, unmelted butter (well, resolidified, anyway). And those croissants: _mon dieu_, the horror! Butter as an ingredient in a cooked item is not remotely the same thing. I also don’t put flour or raw eggs on saltines but I’m ok with them as ingredients in a cookie. > [@](#): > > Never had a buttered baguette and a coffee at a Paris bistro? Of course I have (well not the coffee since I don’t drink coffee, but bread, bistro, butter, check. Which I how I know that eating unmelted butter is gross and weird. But still, the argument for it on good bread is stronger as at least with that there are flavors combining. With a Saltine, you’re just eating butter. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/46 "2015-02-01T18:02:30Z")
> [@obfusciatrist](#): > > With a Saltine, you’re just eating butter. You say that like it’s a bad thing. ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/47 "2015-02-01T18:08:31Z")
To me it is, but if it isn’t to you then why waste time on the saltine? Just grab a stick and a spoon. Then we can have a poll on “when eating a stick of butter what end do you start with the left or the right? Or do you eat it like a corn cob?” But to answer the poll question, if I were buttering saltines i’d put it on the top side because: 1. That is where the texture is which will better hold the butter and since I’m just eating butter presumably that’s what I’m after. 2. I’ll be holding the cracker by the side that I’m not buttering so essentially just scraping off the salt onto my hand while buttering the cracker. Since presumably that is the only thing that the cracker is adding to this meal, it should probably remain on the cracker. Unless part of the joy of eating a stick of butter is to then follow it up by licking salt off the palm of your hand like this is some kind of Wisconsin Tequila Shot. 3. Since it is a law of physics that when dropping something with a top and a bottom it will land on its top and it is a law of physics that when dropping something with butter on it that it will land butter side down it would cause a wormhole and destroy the earth if you buttered the bottom of Saltine and then dropped it. I’m not willing to take that risk with everybody’s lives. ---
**Author:** ![Disgruntled\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@Disgruntled\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disgruntled_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/48 "2015-02-01T18:29:54Z")
> [@TheChileanBlob](#): > > Similar to the toilet paper orientation issue, there’s a correct way to butter saltines. The butter goes on the unsalted side. Then, when you approach your mouth with the cracker right side up (butter on top), your tongue contacts the salt first and goes “Yummy! Cracker incoming!” > > The salt would be wasted on the buttered side and your tongue would have to encounter a bland saltless cracker. My tongue never seems to think fast enough to have such expectations. i don’t think it deserves an optimal taste dispersal ritual. i say let the butter spread where it may. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/49 "2015-02-01T19:17:57Z")
> [@obfusciatrist](#): > > To me it is, but if it isn’t to you then why waste time on the saltine? Just grab a stick and a spoon. I’ve had some double cream grass fed butter that tempted me to do just that. And don’t get me started on ghee, which is like crack. But I like the crunch of the cracker. Sort of like buttered popcorn. I wonder if heating the cracker first would soothe the outrage here? Seems a pretty intransigent lot, though. I think we buttered-cracker Americans should apply for some sort of class designation. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/50 "2015-02-01T19:53:24Z")
I didn’t vote. I don’t put anything on Saltines. ---
**Author:** ![Tara57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@Tara57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tara57)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/51 "2015-02-01T20:07:28Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > Butter on saltines I believe is a southern thing. I saw it first hand in Atlanta. Couldn’t believe that someone was topping off lunch with a half dozen saltines that he spread butter on and then ate. I was told by a native that at finer southern restaurants or clubs, you can order buttered saltines. > > Any southern brethren want to weigh in with the Straight Dope on buttered saltines? I spent a weekend at a very old-school hunting club in Alabama. The dining room served Saltines baked in butter plus more butter for spreading before meals. They were addictive. These sound similar: > **[Piedmont Driving Club Buttered Saltine Crackers recipe - from the The Jarvis...](https://www.familycookbookproject.com/recipe/2412679/piedmont-driving-club-buttered-saltine-crackers.html)** > > Piedmont Driving Club Buttered Saltine Crackers recipe is from The Jarvis Family Cookbook Project, one of the cookbooks created at FamilyCookbookProject.com. Family cookbooks are an important way to preserve our mealtime traditions for future... ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/52 "2015-02-01T20:40:38Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > I didn’t vote. I don’t put anything on Saltines. And you call yourself a scientist. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2015, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/53 "2015-02-02T04:34:27Z")
> [@Flywheel](#): > > The outside. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2015, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/54 "2015-02-02T17:44:35Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > And you call yourself a scientist. There are some things humanity was not meant to know, er, do. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/55 "2015-02-03T01:51:43Z")
Buttered saltines? What the f u c k ? Is this some sort of British thing? They’re the only ones I can see doing something like that. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/56 "2015-02-03T02:14:25Z")
No. I’m solidly American Midwestern. My mom’s from Indiana. She would give me lightly buttered saltines when I was a kid, with my tomato soup if I wasn’t hungry enough for a sandwich, too. Don’t knock it til you try it. I’m with **Chefguy** , I don’t see how it’s any weirder than buttered bread. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/57 "2015-02-03T02:19:25Z")
now that’s just weird. dry crackers go with soup. butter is lube and flavor for otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/58 "2015-02-03T02:38:05Z")
How is it different from using crusty buttered Italian bread to sop up spaghetti sauce? Or is that weird, too? Mom was just giving me something less than a sandwich to do something with my hands besides slurp from a spoon. I imagine she got it from her mom. I don’t do it often, but I still butter a few saltines now and then. They’re good that way, and not so dry. Just very lightly spread with softened butter. ---
**Author:** ![LouLou7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a87d85/32.png) [@LouLou7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouLou7)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/59 "2015-02-03T03:44:48Z")
I agree with my esteemed colleagues ChefGuy and SeaDragonTattoo. Buttered saltines are a delicious snack and I partake regularly. And I assure you, I am _completely normal._ In fact, there are very few foods that aren’t improved with the addition of salt and butter. Glad I could help end the controversy. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410/60 "2015-02-03T04:27:03Z")
Peanut butter in between two saltines, salt side out, and a glass of milk is a perfectly cromulent snack. Also if you are out of bread, grape jelly on saltines – salt and sweet, yum. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-on-which-side-are-your-saltines-buttered/711410.md?page=4)