# Poll:Should adult children knock? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 9, 2007, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036 "2007-07-09T12:56:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/21 "2007-07-09T14:57:06Z")
Well I live far enough away from my Mom that I don’t just pop in, but she would find it weird if I were to knock when I got there. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/22 "2007-07-09T14:57:41Z")
Another vote for the always knock school. I won’t always wait to be let in, or to have the door opened for me, of course. I have no problem going in, if I don’t hear any response, but - always make some effort to acknowledge that it’s someone else’s space. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/23 "2007-07-09T14:58:14Z")
I’ve never lived separately from my parents at a distance that visiting them without pre-planing made sense. So I’m pretty sure I’ve never really had to knock, usually being anticipated. I don’t knock (neccessarily) when visiting my brother, but I’ve always called ahead and can usually see people in the kitchen as I arrive at the front door. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/24 "2007-07-09T15:05:10Z")
I live in a different city, while I’m visiting I tell them when I leave the house but when I get back I just let myself in. My brother did live in the same city for a while, I pretty certain he never knocked, or even called ahead unless he needed someone to be at home. Sometimes my dad would get up from the computer to see who it was, I’m sure my mom could tell from the footsteps. I actually would be annoyed if they told me to knock, but my family has never been much for formality (amongst ourselves, that is) so it would be a little suspicious if they decided to start all of a sudden. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/25 "2007-07-09T15:08:31Z")
[QUOTE=jebert] they still have keys to our house. [/QUOTE] Rather than ask for the keys back, I would just change the locks. Use it as an opportunity to get them all keyed alike. I would never walk into someones house without knocking, nor would I want _anyone_ traipsing into mine. ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/26 "2007-07-09T15:11:15Z")
Three adult kids, no one ever knocks and that’s fine with us. However, I have a night latch that prevents keys from working, if we want privacy, we turn it. Then they have to knock, they have never asked why it is on sometimes, they are adults after all. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/27 "2007-07-09T15:15:33Z")
I don’t knock, but I generally do call or am expected. I wouldn’t just surprise them. Also, they’d hear the garage door opening if they were engaged in gross parent sex on the couch. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/28 "2007-07-09T15:22:31Z")
My parents would think I was crazy if I knocked. I do the walk in and yell “I’M HERE!” when I’m entering. The same is true of when they visit my house. They have keys to my house, and I … think I lost my key to their house, but I know the “secret hidden key place” (it has a combination lock so it’s mildly more secure than putting a key under the mat) and use that if I am there when no one else is home. But I don’t think this is an absolute rule or anything. Different families will prefer different ways of handling this. I would probably be hurt and confused if my parents expressed a preference for knocking, because it would be such a dramatic change from the current way we do things. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/29 "2007-07-09T15:23:26Z")
I moved out of my parents’ house… wow, three years ago now. I still have a key, the phone number is still programmed under ‘home’ in my cell phone, I keep some clothes there, stay overnight in my room sometimes, etc. I don’t knock. My parents would think I was crazy if I did. I do yell out hello when I come in, but I always have. I come by all the time when they’re not there, too. I think it would actually be rude to ring the bell and wait to be greeted - I have a key, why should someone have to stop what they’re doing to open the door for me? ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/30 "2007-07-09T15:37:25Z")
[QUOTE=Helen’s Eidolon] I have a key, why should someone have to stop what they’re doing to open the door for me? [/QUOTE] What if what they are doing is something you would rather not even imagine that they do? ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/31 "2007-07-09T15:42:10Z")
My brother still lives at home, so doubt they’d be so reckless. Besides, their bedroom is three floors up, and don’t go up there unless I’ve yelled and received a response to come up. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/32 "2007-07-09T15:43:51Z")
Agreed. I have a key to my parents place but I wouldn’t dream of entering without knocking if I wasn’t expected. Now, I am not much of a drop-inner (?) so it almost never comes up. But the request to knock is hardly unreasonable. Parents are people too and should get to have sex on the kitchen table any time of day after the kids are gone, or just walk around starkers if they feel like it. I, in turn, choose not to expose my delicate sensibilities to such depravities. 😃 Entering without knocking is, in my mind, asserting that parents have no right to their own life independent of their offspring. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/33 "2007-07-09T15:48:00Z")
I have a key, I don’t knock, but they always know when I’m coming over, because I call first. While they may still have sex (they are getting on in years and illness may have slowed them down a bit), I wouldn’t expect them to be banging away in the foyer, so I’m not going to see anything inappropriate unless I go searching for them. At that point, which side of the front door I’m on isn’t going to make much difference, they’ll still be scrambling for some clothes, but at least they won’t feel extra rushed because I’m waiting outside in the rain. Often, if my dad is home alone, he’s in the basement, so knocking wouldn’t work anyway, a big HELLOOOO! is needed to grab his attention. ---
**Author:** ![Waenara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@Waenara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waenara)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/34 "2007-07-09T15:51:22Z")
I moved out of my parent’s house about a year and a half ago, and I still have keys. I don’t knock (well actually, I don’t ring the doorbell). However, they always know ahead of time if I’m coming over for dinner or something. And I usually call when I’m getting on the bus on the way there, so they know when to expect me. When I get there I usually yell that I’m there. It would also be pretty hard to enter the house surreptitiously, as they recently got a puppy who’s always excited to see visitors and and runs for the door. In the uncommon event that they weren’t already expecting me to be visiting, I’d probably call them a bit ahead of time on my cell or at least ring the doorbell a few seconds before I unlock the door and go in. Edited to add: My teenage brother still lives at home with my parents, so it’s unlikely they’d be walking around in the nude or getting busy on the living room table. :o So maybe my level of caution while entering will increase after he moves out. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/35 "2007-07-09T15:54:37Z")
My sister and I both have keys to my mom’s. We both knock, but I don’t wait for her to come to the door (I don’t think my sister does either, but I’m quite sure she knocks too). It’s just so I don’t scare the bejeezus out of her. We have keys because we have an elderly parent living alone. You kind of have to have keys in that case. (Mom’s immediate neighbours have keys to her place too, in case of emergency.) ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/36 "2007-07-09T16:02:19Z")
I have a key and never knock but… - I live down the street. We’ve got an “Everybody Loves Raymond” thing going on. - My dad does not want to get up to answer the door and I have a key. - Most other people in the family (aunts, uncles, cousins) just come in w/o knocking too - 99% of the time they are expecting me - I call ahead - They don’t knock when they come to my house, but 99% of the time they call ahead too. - Lots of times I am there to pick up my dog and they have gone to bed already. And, like **wasson** …I grew up in that house, I feel like it’s “my” house still, and they are always happy to see me (well, more happy to see my dog…) ---
**Author:** ![cbawlmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cbawlmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cbawlmer)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/37 "2007-07-09T16:07:37Z")
I always call if I’m heading to my parents’ house unexpectedly, and I don’t usually make unscheduled stops there. My mom usually keeps just the storm doors closed, so they can see anyone pulling into the driveway or coming up the sidewalk, and their dog makes an excellent doorbell. I have a key if I ever need it, but I only would use it if nobody was home, and I can’t imagine why I would be there alone without them knowing. I still have teenaged siblings living at home, so I doubt I’d be walking in on any parental shenanigans. My in-laws live 75 miles away, so we don’t make unexpected visits to their house. When we get there, my husband always rings the doorbell even though every time he does that, his folks tell us we should just walk in and holler that we’re there. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mrs.Millamant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@Mrs.Millamant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Millamant)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/38 "2007-07-09T16:19:19Z")
I have a key and am over there a few times a week. Knocking would be…strange and bizarre. Of course the parental units have independent lives; why should I interrupt them to make them come to the door when I’m perfectly capable of letting myself in? Whatever works best for each family is fine, though. I’ve had friends whose homes I could just waltz into, anytime, and others with whom I’d never dream of taking such liberties. That’s not a difference in the closeness of friend, just a matter of adapting to the household expectations. ---
**Author:** ![Frosted\_Glass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frosted_glass/32/3926_2.png) [@Frosted\_Glass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frosted_Glass)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/39 "2007-07-09T16:24:12Z")
I am a little surprised at the number of people who knock (or ring) and wait to be let in. My parents think its a waste of time to answer the door for people who have keys to the house. I just open the door and announce myself when I get inside. Admittedly, it is unlikely that I will walk into my house completely unexpected since I live over 350 miles away from home, but I am fairly certain that the policy would be the same even if I lived down the street. Right now I am out in Vegas at my great aunts house. Her brother lives a few houses away and my cousin’s girlfriends house is in the middle. Myself and the other relatives out here pass freely between the three houses. Anyone who wants extra privacy will just lock the screen door. This forces us to ring or knock, even if we are holding the keys in our hands. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036/40 "2007-07-09T16:25:07Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] Oh hell yes. Knock and wait for an acknowledgement before coming in. What’s the point of getting your kids out of the house if you can’t then safely have sex in the foyer? [/QUOTE] Quoted for Truth. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-should-adult-children-knock/411036.md?page=3)