# Poll: Your reaction to "If Black People Said the Stuff White People Say" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 21, 2014, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305 "2014-06-21T17:28:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/81 "2014-06-22T16:43:57Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Especially if you follow up with, “No, I mean where are you _really_ from?” Fuuuuck. Always say “Pittsburgh.” ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/82 "2014-06-22T16:43:58Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > I have this black friend out here in CA. His name is Josh. Maybe you know him! This is one that I’ve never gotten before in real life, actually. But I have been told that I look like people that I don’t resemble at all. There’s another black woman who works on my floor. She’s got long hair. Mine is short. She’s a big girl. I’m slender. She’s brown-skinned and I’m a yellowish hue. She wears glasses and I do not. Our faces are nothing alike. I dress like a bohemian. She dresses on the conservative side. And yet when I first got hired on, people would ask if we were cousins. Almost every day someone addresses me by her name and vice versa. But I can’t be too mad about it. On the floor below mine, there are two Asian ladies who I can’t keep straight for the life of me. I try to avoid calling them out by name when I greet them because I’m bound to use the wrong name. So everyone can be stupid sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/83 "2014-06-22T16:44:29Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > I don’t think you understood me. I’m not saying you have to hide your ethnicity or not self-identify – I’m saying that when you are not a member of that group, making compliments based on half-baked knowledge, assumptions, and stereotypes does not make you look good > > “You’re so smart! I can’t hardly believe you’re Polish” – not a compliment > “Oh you’re Irish? What’s it like to grow up with an alcoholic father?” – not a polite question. > “I love your big round Polish moon-face” - uhhhhh… ok. Sure, all those (except maybe for the last), I’d find offensive. And while it’s somewhat odd or misguided to say something like “What? You don’t listen to polka? I’m more Polish than you!” or “What you don’t like borscht? But you’re Polish!” I personally wouldn’t find that offensive, but rather amusing. That said, I understand I don’t deal with these types of comments as often as people of other backgrounds, so I’ll grant that. A question like “where are you from” or “where’s your family from?” or simply “what are you?” (I’ll admit that one is particularly ham-fisted) is so commonplace and normal here (in my experience) that it doesn’t even register on my offenderometer, no matter how often I’ve been asked (and that’s one I’ve been asked hundreds and hundreds of times.) Now, of course I’m socialized enough to realize many people find these types of questions questionable, so I don’t ask them myself unless I am asked first. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/84 "2014-06-22T16:48:07Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > But I have been told that I look like people that I don’t resemble at all. There is some reason to believe that these are real perceptions. People who grow up in an _X_ environment get really good at learning the differences between one _X_ and another. But then when you put them in a _Y_ environment, they don’t have the necessary experience, and all the signals that helped them distinguish different kinds of _X_es are telling them that these _Y_s are the same. That’s one reason that eyewitness identification in the legal system should be considered very suspect, especially if it’s a white person trying to identify a black person who was glimpsed briefly in a stressful situation. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/85 "2014-06-22T17:05:21Z")
Ok. I will admit to saying something this stupid. I had a friend in college, Keith. Keith was very dark. We were holding hands and I noticed his palm was the same color as mine. I asked him if his feet were the same way? One day he had come back from a weekend at home, where he had seen his regular barber. He asked how I liked the new part in his hair? I had no idea it had to be cut and styled that way. In my defense, I was 17. I came from an area that was not at all diverse. I had never been close enough to a black person to touch them. And my parents still call people of color “them people.” I am glad Keith didn’t go off on me for my ignorance. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/86 "2014-06-22T17:11:28Z")
> [@LibrarySpy](#): > > However, the sister video to this is [If Asians Said What White People Say](http://www.buzzfeed.com/abefg/if-asians-said-the-stuff-white-people-say), is hilarious, because I say that shit all the time to Asians. “Oh my god, you’re Italian? I love pasta! Pizza pie!” Yeah… I’ve gotten that one. ---
**Author:** ![Silvorange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Silvorange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silvorange)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/87 "2014-06-22T18:11:36Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I think the point of the video was showing white people how their compliments are often perceived to black people. > > A white person may use “nappy” is a value-neutral description for a hair texture, not realizing that “nappy” is used an insult more often than not. Or they may compliment someone on having an “exotic” appearance, not realizing that this connotes “wild alien” more than “stunning beauty”. It’s not that white people are intending to be insulting. I don’t even think they guy who asked if I had knots in my hair as a kid was intending to be insulting. But word choice matters. > > The problem with the video is that aren’t a whole lot of words that black people find value-neutral or positive but are insulting to white people. The closest is maybe “ghetto booty”. I would never compliment a white person on her ghetto booty, because I know that big butts are typically not esteemed in the white community. Even if the white person knew I meant it in a nice way, I know that it’s likely engender negative feelings. (But I also wouldn’t be complimenting anyone on their ass, so there’s that.) OK, I can totally get it as “This is what it feels like you’re saying to me.” I’m sorry you always get stuck being the ambassador, but I really appreciate how well you do it. ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/88 "2014-06-22T18:13:44Z")
I’m the only Jew on the block. I have neighbors who act as if I moved to NJ directly from Israel rather than twenty miles away from Staten Island. I think they half expect me to break out in some kind of chorus from Fiddler on the Roof and speak like Fran Drescher. People are just kind of jerkish sometimes. One neighbor said (the day after Obama was elected) “I just hope he doesn’t appoint Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to the Supreme Court!” Then again what can you expect from someone who finally neutered her cats after I begged her to about ten times? She’s nice but about as flaky as your average breakfast cereal. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/89 "2014-06-22T19:15:13Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > This is one that I’ve never gotten before in real life, actually. Well, I was intentionally being a little over the top. 🙂 > [@](#): > > But I have been told that I look like people that I don’t resemble at all. There’s another black woman who works on my floor. She’s got long hair. Mine is short. She’s a big girl. I’m slender. She’s brown-skinned and I’m a yellowish hue. She wears glasses and I do not. Our faces are nothing alike. I dress like a bohemian. She dresses on the conservative side. > > And yet when I first got hired on, people would ask if we were cousins. Almost every day someone addresses me by her name and vice versa. > > But I can’t be too mad about it. On the floor below mine, there are two Asian ladies who I can’t keep straight for the life of me. I try to avoid calling them out by name when I greet them because I’m bound to use the wrong name. So everyone can be stupid sometimes. Many years ago, there were these two women I worked with. They didn’t look anything alike other than that they were both very much overweight. I got caught mixing up their names a few times. But I’m just bad with names in general. I usually forget seomeone’s name 5 seconds after I’m introduced, if not sooner. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/90 "2014-06-22T21:16:14Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Why do white people keep saying “I’ve never heard these things.” Why would people say these things to you? This is why the poll doesn’t really work for me. I have never heard these things, I have only _heard of_ some of these things. So watching the video is mostly quite a bit of work: trying to decipher what that means that white people sometimes say to black people. It’s not exactly funny. It’s a lot of work to watch, not in a bad way, but just… work. > [@monstro](#): > > \*My boss was the one who asked me this. I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t know what to say. I felt awkward around him for a couple of days afterwards, but I don’t think he knew it. But I really like my boss, and I think my boss likes me. He may be clueless, but I don’t think he’s a racist. So no harm, no foul. But sure, hearing shit like that gets old after all. No, that’s pretty much in the “harm” category. It’s structural, so it’s hard to put too much blame on him personally. But there is plenty of harm. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/91 "2014-06-23T01:21:04Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > And I come from a city where ethnic identity is pretty important and generally much discussed. I have a Polish last name, and the first question out of anyone’s mouth here generally is “oh, is that a Polish name?” Out of towners, right? Because True Chicagoans wouldn’t have to ask if your name is Polish. And can probably name your childhood parish. > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Fuck me. Why do I even come into threads like this? Edited to remove a joke that could get me killed. She’s not old, but she is mean. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/92 "2014-06-23T02:35:05Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I’m not going to bother hazarding a guess because I believe nothing I say will be taken seriously. I’ll either be accused of exaggerating the truth. Or I’ll be belittled for complaining about something that doesn’t happen every second of the day. Suffice it to say, it happens enough for the video to reasonate with me. It happens enough to other black people so a video like this makes sense to make. Can I touch your hair? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/93 "2014-06-23T04:00:57Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > Just to give another example, I have red hair but I’m NOT IRISH. I have had people come up to me and start telling me all about their amazing trip to Ireland, leaving me going… WTF, why are you telling me this, lady. I have to imagine that “let me tell you about my trip to Africa” is this times a billion if you’re even slightly brown. :smack::smack::smack: So THAT’S why people are always talking to me about Ireland!!! ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/94 "2014-06-23T04:36:39Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > I have this black friend out here in CA. His name is Josh. Maybe you know him! The variation on that I’ve heard was when I moved from central Ohio to LA. Someone said, oh I have a friend in Atlanta. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/95 "2014-06-23T07:14:38Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Well, I was intentionally being a little over the top. 🙂 I have, however, gotten this from others when I come out to them, as if I know every gay person from every city in the world. I never get annoyed, rather, I think it’s kind of funny. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/96 "2014-06-23T13:32:05Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Substitute “smiled” for “laughed” if you didn’t actually LOL. Yeah, I smiled at one or two, but was baffled by the rest. So, I voted for gross exaggeration. ---
**Author:** ![Krouget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b38774/32.png) [@Krouget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krouget)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/97 "2014-06-23T17:32:46Z")
> [@DingoelGringo](#): > > No I have never heard moat of these types of comments and doubt very much if most black folks have ever experienced more than one in a lifetime. I don’t know most black folks, but I must have lived a few lifetimes, myself. Truth be told, for me, it varies by area and social setting. I’ve received it numerous times, including from coworkers, and when I travel (within the US)-- the hair, skin, and _“you speak so well”_ stuff, especially. Also the _“you’re not like other black people”_ thing, on a more personal level. You probably don’t listen for it, but when you live it, it tends to blip your radar. The person usually doesn’t mean any offense, and I usually overlook it because it’s not worth reacting to everything (choose battles and such). It’s also not something _just_ white people say, while black people also say some of the above to each other (it shifts again, across gender lines). However, I will say it mostly has come from white people, but only really becomes an issue if it happens multiple times in the same interaction. Overall, it’s mostly more annoying that it is offensive. And I say that because I typically reserve my offense for actual offensive comments, which are packaged and sent with more venom/intent. My SO who is Asian can relate to the other video posted. We can smile/laugh at both, but humor aside, it’s very much a reality you learn to deal with. > [@Silvorange](#): > > It doesn’t make its point very well because it changes some things that might be cluelessly offensive to being intentionally insulting. There is no way that a person who calls someone’s hair “limp and lifeless” or their skin “pale” is trying to compliment them. If I admire someone’s thick, curly, lively hair, it is perfectly reasonable that they might also admire my straight, sleek, fine hair. The lighter-spectrum version of having lovely dark skin is having lovely fair skin, not being pale. **Monstro** touched on it before and was correct. Nappy was a word which kids used to insult each other, _often times of the same race_, because it meant unkempt. Casually referring to a persons naturally curly hair as _“nappy”_, is akin to casually referring to straight hair as _“limp and lifeless”_. You certainly wouldn’t intentionally say the latter as a compliment, but the fact that the former gets by enough people, is exactly why it happens. The video accurately touched on what the parallel would be, and interestingly enough, you reacted to it. Sure, it still falls in the realm of clueless-offensive, but that’s the point. ---
**Author:** ![Silvorange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Silvorange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silvorange)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/98 "2014-06-23T19:43:53Z")
> [@Krouget](#): > > **Monstro** touched on it before and was correct. Nappy was a word which kids used to insult each other, _often times of the same race_, because it meant unkempt. Casually referring to a persons naturally curly hair as _“nappy”_, is akin to casually referring to straight hair as _“limp and lifeless”_. You certainly wouldn’t intentionally say the latter as a compliment, but the fact that the former gets by enough people, is exactly why it happens. The video accurately touched on what the parallel would be, and interestingly enough, you reacted to it. Sure, it still falls in the realm of clueless-offensive, but that’s the point. Well, my point was that saying “limp and lifeless” _wouldn’t_ be clueless-offensive because nobody at all could mistake it for a positive thing. That it feels the same when one’s hair is called nappy I can easily understand, having been called “thick” so often by well-meaning black men. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/99 "2014-06-23T20:32:04Z")
Heh, I must be the only person on the planet who thinks folks saying clueless stuff about Jews to you when they know you are Jewish kinda endearing, rather than offensive - if they truly aren’t trying to be offensive. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305/100 "2014-06-23T21:11:50Z")
You’re never the only person on the planet who anything. Never. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poll-your-reaction-to-if-black-people-said-the-stuff-white-people-say/691305.md?page=6)