# Polyamorous people **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 22, 2019, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328 "2019-05-22T02:18:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/41 "2019-05-22T04:57:58Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > Way to pass judgement on something you clearly don’t understand,!.. That’s his MO. ---
**Author:** ![UCBearcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/77aa72/32.png) [@UCBearcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UCBearcats)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/42 "2019-05-22T05:00:17Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > That’s his MO. Thank you for continuing to recognize my achievements. You have been a great fan. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/43 "2019-05-22T05:03:26Z")
> [@UCBearcats](#): > > Thank you for continuing to recognize my achievements. You have been a great fan. You betcha! ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/44 "2019-05-22T05:03:26Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > I have some friends, I don’t think they’d mind being used for illustrative purposes in this instance. They’re in a triad. I was in the wedding of Boy and Girl A. They added Girl B to the mix sometime after the wedding. They are stable, loving, committed, and not even a little slutty, easy, self indulgent or immoral. They’re awesome and all three of them love each other very much, and wouldn’t cheat on their shared relationship. As opposed to many men and women who pretend to be monogamous but cheat regularly. Who is immoral? I came into this thread to make an extremely similar (but undoubtedly less eloquent) post (though it’s unlikely that your friends and mine are the same people, but who knows?) The married couple have been together for ~20 years; the third member of the triad came in at least five years ago. Like your friends, mine are happy, and all love one another. I’m not polyamorous, and I suspect that I’d suffer from the jealousy issues that apparently make it not work for some people who try it. But, it clearly does work for some people, and I certainly wouldn’t classify them as “slutty” or “immoral.” Monogamy works wonderfully well for a lot of people. It doesn’t work well for some people, and, as raventhief says, it’s the people who feign monogamy while cheating who are the immoral ones. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/45 "2019-05-22T05:03:58Z")
> [@UCBearcats](#): > > What do you feel is a better term? Easy, self-indulgent, immoral Why does it need another term? You’ve already mentioned the correct term in your OP. It’s polyamorous. They are people. Real people. Human-fucking-beings. Like any group of people, you will have some who are immoral, some who are self-indulgent, some who are easy… Those types of people exist within every subset of the population–not just the polyamorous. But to say “all” polyamorous people are X, is just wrong. To ever say that all of any group is X, is almost always innaccurate. The only thing that ALL poly people have in common is that they are all poly. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/46 "2019-05-22T05:05:11Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > I have some friends, I don’t think they’d mind being used for illustrative purposes in this instance. They’re in a triad. I was in the wedding of Boy and Girl A. They added Girl B to the mix sometime after the wedding. They are stable, loving, committed, and not even a little slutty, easy, self indulgent or immoral. The poly people I know fall into that category too. I think the folks who reflexively denigrate all poly relationships as “slutty” or “easy” or “immoral” are probably just sour grapesing. In fact, they sound exactly like the curtain-twitchers from a couple generations ago who reflexively denigrated all single people who had premarital sex as “slutty” or “easy” or “immoral”. Lighten up, Gramps, and try minding your own business about other consenting adults’ personal sex lives. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/47 "2019-05-22T05:13:11Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > Way to pass judgement on something you clearly don’t understand,! > > I have some friends, I don’t think they’d mind being used for illustrative purposes in this instance. They’re in a triad. I was in the wedding of Boy and Girl A. They added Girl B to the mix sometime after the wedding. They are stable, loving, committed, and not even a little slutty, easy, self indulgent or immoral. They’re awesome and all three of them love each other very much, and wouldn’t cheat on their shared relationship. As opposed to many men and women who pretend to be monogamous but cheat regularly. Who is immoral? > [@kenobi\_65](#): > > I came into this thread to make an extremely similar (but undoubtedly less eloquent) post (though it’s unlikely that your friends and mine are the same people, but who knows?) The married couple have been together for ~20 years; the third member of the triad came in at least five years ago. Like your friends, mine are happy, and all love one another. > > I’m not polyamorous, and I suspect that I’d suffer from the jealousy issues that apparently make it not work for some people who try it. But, it clearly does work for some people, and I certainly wouldn’t classify them as “slutty” or “immoral.” > > Monogamy works wonderfully well for a lot of people. It doesn’t work well for some people, and, as raventhief says, it’s the people who feign monogamy while cheating who are the immoral ones. That these relationships exist is pretty cool I guess. I wonder what the percentage skew is on triads vis a vis 2 males 1 woman versus 2 women 1 man. As a man, I can say I tend to lean towards the 2 women 1 man scenario. The sex would be better but your life would be more complicated, which, as a divorcee, I am actively seeking. Gimme that drama mamma! > [@Bear\_Nenno](#): > > Why does it need another term? You’ve already mentioned the correct term in your OP. It’s polyamorous. They are people. Real people. Human-fucking-beings. Like any group of people, you will have some who are immoral, some who are self-indulgent, some who are easy… > Those types of people exist within every subset of the population–not just the polyamorous. But to say “all” polyamorous people are X, is just wrong. To ever say that all of any group is X, is almost always innaccurate. The only thing that ALL poly people have in common is that they are all poly. All people whom have completed Army Basic training have fired a rifle. So there! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![UCBearcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/77aa72/32.png) [@UCBearcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UCBearcats)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/48 "2019-05-22T05:15:27Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > The poly people I know fall into that category too. I think the folks who reflexively denigrate all poly relationships as “slutty” or “easy” or “immoral” are probably just sour grapesing. > > In fact, they sound exactly like the curtain-twitchers from a couple generations ago who reflexively denigrated all single people who had premarital sex as “slutty” or “easy” or “immoral”. Lighten up, Gramps, and try minding your own business about other consenting adults’ personal sex lives. “Gramps”, that is a new one. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/49 "2019-05-22T05:21:03Z")
> [@UCBearcats](#): > > “Gramps”, that is a new one. Get used to it. ---
**Author:** ![UCBearcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/77aa72/32.png) [@UCBearcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UCBearcats)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/50 "2019-05-22T05:23:15Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Get used to it. Coming from you, it would be like a term of affection. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/51 "2019-05-22T05:42:44Z")
Sluts? I’d say that depends. Aside from potential disease spreading or unwanted pregnancies what’s wrong with consensual sex? Why’s it need a derogatory label? ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/52 "2019-05-22T05:42:47Z")
> [@UCBearcats](#): > > Coming from you, it would be like a term of affection. Alright…coolsies? Ad long as you pay attention and learn something. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/53 "2019-05-22T06:02:17Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > Sluts? I’d say that depends. Aside from potential disease spreading or unwanted pregnancies what’s wrong with consensual sex? Why’s it need a derogatory label? My wife, my girlfriend and I do not sleep around, and there’s not much of a chance for either disease-spreading or pregnancy(unwanted or otherwise). Is there any other crude ignorance y’all would like to spew? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/54 "2019-05-22T06:13:31Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > That these relationships exist is pretty cool I guess. I wonder what the percentage skew is on triads vis a vis 2 males 1 woman versus 2 women 1 man. You left out “three men” and “three women”. Yesterday I read an interview to a Spanish politician ([in Spanish](https://elpais.com/elpais/2019/05/13/icon/1557743434_579012.html)) who casually mentioned using Tinder and Grindr in the company of his partner; the reporter asked whether the politician’s accounts are under his name, the response was “in Tinder yes, in Grindr no”. I have no idea whether they’re looking for trios, quartets or a whole orchestra, but in any case it’s something which works for them, for their relationship. Poly isn’t something I am AFAIK, but it’s completely different from being a cheat and from always being willing. To me what matters is, does it work for the people involved? Does it hurt other people? If the answers are respectively “yes” and “no”, go ahead and do it. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/55 "2019-05-22T06:35:11Z")
> [@UCBearcats](#): > > What do you feel is a better term? Easy, self-indulgent, immoral none of those? there just a group of people usually around 4 that are in love or really like each other that usually live together how I’ve seen such arrangements usually start out as there’s a couple where one or both are bi …and agree to find another person that they can share attention on well person no 3 decides to find their own person who doesn’t mind being with the other 3 so at some point its just 2 bi couples in love …now you can mix and match how you like … ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/56 "2019-05-22T06:36:54Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > Sluts? I’d say that depends. Aside from potential disease spreading or unwanted pregnancies what’s wrong with consensual sex? Why’s it need a derogatory label? for once i agree with the 8 legged one ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/57 "2019-05-22T06:39:27Z")
> [@nightshadea](#): > > for once i agree with the 8 legged one I would too except I cant help but thinking the first part of his post was his point and the second part was sarcastic. Octo, please confirm or deny. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/58 "2019-05-22T06:53:58Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > You left out “three men” and “three women”. > > Yesterday I read an interview to a Spanish politician ([in Spanish](https://elpais.com/elpais/2019/05/13/icon/1557743434_579012.html)) who casually mentioned using Tinder and Grindr in the company of his partner; the reporter asked whether the politician’s accounts are under his name, the response was “in Tinder yes, in Grindr no”. I have no idea whether they’re looking for trios, quartets or a whole orchestra, but in any case it’s something which works for them, for their relationship. > > Poly isn’t something I am AFAIK, but it’s completely different from being a cheat and from always being willing. To me what matters is, does it work for the people involved? Does it hurt other people? If the answers are respectively “yes” and “no”, go ahead and do it. I mostly agree. You’re right, I completely forgot about 3v3. Your Spanish politician hopefully has a yacht mistress at least, and if questioned about it, he says something like “That’s amore”. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/59 "2019-05-22T07:24:12Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > I mostly agree. You’re right, I completely forgot about 3v3. > > Your Spanish politician hopefully has a yacht mistress at least, and if questioned about it, he says something like “That’s amore”. If he has a mistress (yacht or otherwise) it will be a surprise to everybody who knows him. Dude is as gay as the banner at the front of the Pride Parade. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2019, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/60 "2019-05-22T08:30:57Z")
> [@UCBearcats](#): > > Are polyamorous people just sluts who can’t keep it in their pants? What is your definition of “slut”? And why should people want to keep it in their pants? What’s the positive aspect of it? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328.md?page=4)