# Polyamorous people **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 22, 2019, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328 "2019-05-22T02:18:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2019, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/101 "2019-05-23T07:17:14Z")
I come from a family of really fucked up conservative religious types who were quite abusive and dysfunctional, but didn’t have any problem sneering at people who were openly different rather. When I see this kind of moral condemnation going on, my first thought is what secrets are you hiding? ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2019, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/102 "2019-05-23T10:49:52Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > Polygamy literally means multiple _marriages_. Most of us aren’t doing the actual marriage thing (insofar as it’s not legal to marry multiple people etc) Which is exactly what I’m speaking on at the conference. I’ve come up with a way for polyamorous people to effectively ‘marry’ using the American financial and legal system. Granted, a lot of the speakers at the conference will speak on communication issues and how to navigate being in several relationships at once. Me? I’m trying to take things to the next level and promote actual long-term emotional, legal and financial commitments. It’s gone down well in the two groups I’ve promoted it to so far and this will be my chance to see how it presents with a larger group. ---
**Author:** ![El\_DeLuxo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_deluxo/32/9043_2.png) [@El\_DeLuxo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_DeLuxo)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2019, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/103 "2019-05-23T13:44:05Z")
> [@UCBearcats](#): > > What do you feel is a better term? Easy, self-indulgent, immoral I don’t find any of your terms appropriate at all. “Easy” is dated and judgemental (besides that, what’s so great about being difficult?), “self indulgent” is not a slur, or at least it shouldn’t be, and “immoral” is both oppressive and ridiculously subjective. Hedonistic, open-hearted, sybaritic, free-wheeling, libertine, and generous are all _much_ better terms which readily come to mind. You needn’t work yourself into a moral swivet over the living arrangements or sexual behavior of grown-ups. ---
**Author:** ![El\_DeLuxo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_deluxo/32/9043_2.png) [@El\_DeLuxo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_DeLuxo)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2019, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/104 "2019-05-23T13:57:06Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > What is your definition of “slut”? Probably “someone who fucks people who aren’t _ **me** _”. > [@](#): > > And why should people want to keep it in their pants? What’s the positive aspect of it? Thank you, **clairobscur** , for nailing it just as tight as a duck’s ass. ---
**Author:** ![Akaj](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/akaj/32/145_2.png) [@Akaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Akaj)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2019, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/105 "2019-05-23T21:35:41Z")
> [@El\_DeLuxo](#): > > Hedonistic, open-hearted, sybaritic, free-wheeling, libertine, and generous are all _much_ better terms which readily come to mind. These apply equally to the poly and swinger folks I know. Why do some here seem more accepting of the former than the latter? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2019, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/106 "2019-05-23T21:48:19Z")
> [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > Which is exactly what I’m speaking on at the conference. I’ve come up with a way for polyamorous people to effectively ‘marry’ using the American financial and legal system. > > Granted, a lot of the speakers at the conference will speak on communication issues and how to navigate being in several relationships at once. Me? I’m trying to take things to the next level and promote actual long-term emotional, legal and financial commitments. It’s gone down well in the two groups I’ve promoted it to so far and this will be my chance to see how it presents with a larger group. When you get a chance, would you mind posting it in a thread here? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2019, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/107 "2019-05-23T23:07:22Z")
I’m monogamous, but i have a lot of poly friends. They are all over the map in terms of sexual appetite and promiscuity. One says that a major benefit is that she and her husband have different sex drives, and being polyamorous means they can be happily married without him being frustrated or her feeling pressured for more sex than she wants. She’s really in a quad, with two of her husband’s sexual partners. But she’s very close with both of them, in nonsexual ways. I don’t think she has any other sexual partners, but the other three in the relationship all do. Three of them have been stable for a really long time now, and own a house together and have teenage kids together. > [@Czarcasm](#): > > It can also be combined with square dancing, card collecting and pasta eating, but these have have nothing to do with what polyamory actually is all about, either. hmm, well, square dancers change partners a lot during the dance. > [@Slash1972](#): > > I was looking into polyamory specifically for the square dancing. Guess that’s out ☹ > > Maybe I’ll just be a slut instead. Oddly enough, all the polyamorous people I know are square dancers. So maybe you should give it a try. > [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > Which is exactly what I’m speaking on at the conference. I’ve come up with a way for polyamorous people to effectively ‘marry’ using the American financial and legal system. > > Granted, a lot of the speakers at the conference will speak on communication issues and how to navigate being in several relationships at once. Me? I’m trying to take things to the next level and promote actual long-term emotional, legal and financial commitments. It’s gone down well in the two groups I’ve promoted it to so far and this will be my chance to see how it presents with a larger group. Doesn’t that vary a lot by state? I wonder if we know each other, or have friends in common. I know people who do that, and who help other poly people find lawyers who specializes in that stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2019, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/108 "2019-05-26T19:10:59Z")
> [@Tired\_and\_Cranky](#): > > Thanks to all the polyamory defenders in this thread. I have objections to polyamory. If your relationships make everyone in them happier, I’m happy for you. The few polyamorous people I have known, however, haven’t managed to have what I would consider stable long-term polyamorous relationships. And how many supposedly-monogamous people do you know who haven’t managed to achieve stable long-term monogamous relationships? Or who are sequentially monogamous? The specific numbers will vary by culture, and even by age group (what looks like eternity to a 15yo is the blink of an eye to a 51yo), but people have managed to make all kinds of relationships work; people have also managed to screw up all kinds of relationships. For me the biggest problem with sexual/romantic/intimacy models is the same as with diets: what works for a specific group of people won’t necessarily work for every-single-body else. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2019, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/109 "2019-05-26T22:09:09Z")
did the op ever come back or did it pull its usual"no one agrees with me so ill disappear" deals? ---
**Author:** ![UCBearcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/77aa72/32.png) [@UCBearcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UCBearcats)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2019, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/110 "2019-05-27T03:28:58Z")
> [@nightshadea](#): > > did the op ever come back or did it pull its usual"no one agrees with me so ill disappear" deals? The OP is here. Some people agreed and some didn’t. It is like many threads on here. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2019, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/111 "2019-05-27T05:08:41Z")
Spend less time worrying about what other people do. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2019, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/112 "2019-05-27T05:12:56Z")
> [@UCBearcats](#): > > The OP is here. Some people agreed and some didn’t. It is like many threads on here. No. You just used a derogatory term to attack a sexuality that you do not like. No one agreed with you. You didn’t even ask a question, really. You just stated something hateful. You might as well have asked “Are black people just thugs who can’t stop stealing things?” ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2019, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/113 "2019-05-27T15:20:05Z")
Yeah, I don’t think anyone agreed with you. You might want to reread the thread. ---
**Author:** ![UCBearcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/77aa72/32.png) [@UCBearcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UCBearcats)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2019, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/114 "2019-05-27T15:30:47Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Spend less time worrying about what other people do. Not worried about anyone,but thanks for worrying about me. ---
**Author:** ![UCBearcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/77aa72/32.png) [@UCBearcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UCBearcats)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2019, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/115 "2019-05-27T15:31:52Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > No. You just used a derogatory term to attack a sexuality that you do not like. > > No one agreed with you. You didn’t even ask a question, really. You just stated something hateful. You might as well have asked “Are black people just thugs who can’t stop stealing things?” Black people are awesome. I’m not racist. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2019, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/116 "2019-05-27T20:07:44Z")
> [@UCBearcats](#): > > Black people are awesome. I’m not racist. Oh so now you think black people are awesome? Typical benevolent prejudice! Next you’ll start talking about how they are good at dancing, music, and sports. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2019, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/117 "2019-05-27T21:11:52Z")
> [@UCBearcats](#): > > Black people are awesome. I’m not racist. No doubt some of your best friends are white people who think black people are awesome. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2019, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/118 "2019-05-27T21:38:11Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Spend less time worrying about what other people do. Pretty much. I don’t think polyamory is my cup of tea, but I don’t see why anyone should give a shit. If it works for you and the people you’re with, who the fuck cares? I mean, seriously, why would this be anyone else’s business or concern? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2019, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/119 "2019-05-27T22:01:35Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Pretty much. I don’t think polyamory is my cup of tea, but I don’t see why anyone should give a shit. If it works for you and the people you’re with, who the fuck cares? I mean, seriously, why would this be anyone else’s business or concern? Well, I’ve needed to know who should be invited to a wedding or a bar mitzvah. It’s customary to include the husband or wife of a guest, even if that person doesn’t know those celebrating. It is a little more complicated when some of your guests are poly. Not a huge deal, of course, but working that out did become my business. But basically, I agree with you, of course. ---
**Author:** ![UCBearcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/77aa72/32.png) [@UCBearcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UCBearcats)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2019, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328/120 "2019-05-27T23:33:25Z")
> [@pool](#): > > Oh so now you think black people are awesome? Typical benevolent prejudice! Next you’ll start talking about how they are good at dancing, music, and sports. People of all races are good at dancing, music, and sports. Those are not traits associated with any particular race or group of people. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorous-people/834328.md?page=7)