# Polyamorus? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 18, 2012, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392 "2012-12-18T02:52:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/1 "2012-12-18T02:52:20Z")
> **[Polyamorous Couple: 'Jealousy Is Really Code For Other Things'](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/polyamory-jealousy_n_2272175?1355182255=&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl13%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D246878)** > > Polyamorous Couple: 'Jealousy Is Really Code For Other Things' Why do people in these types of relationships always seem to be,…um, how can I put this delicately, not the kind of people you would want to be sleeping around with? The word ogre comes to mind. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/2 "2012-12-18T03:01:26Z")
I just realized I spelled polyamorous wrong in the thread title…oops. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/3 "2012-12-18T03:07:06Z")
I have several friends who are polyamorous and none of them are ogreish. Two of them are quite an attractive couple who have been known as polyamorous for quite a number of years. ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Hen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@Small\_Hen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Hen)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/4 "2012-12-18T03:11:15Z")
[Misha](http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/8100000/Misha-misha-collins-8122099-2000-1333.jpg)[Collins](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4a/Misha_Collins_at_Comic-Con_2012.jpg) is in a polyamorous marriage. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/5 "2012-12-18T03:12:34Z")
So what is the point. Is it the thrill of getting sex from other people? Why even be in a relationship in that case? Just fool around. Is there a main couple who then pursues side relationships or is it several couples swinging it up? How is that a healthy arrangement for a lasting relationship? ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/6 "2012-12-18T03:15:17Z")
> [@Small\_Hen](#): > > [Misha](http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/8100000/Misha-misha-collins-8122099-2000-1333.jpg)[Collins](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4a/Misha_Collins_at_Comic-Con_2012.jpg) is in a polyamorous marriage. See that is even more confusing. Why get married of you want to sleep with other people? And P.S. did you see his [wife](http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/misha-collins/images/6166202/title/mishas-wife-victoria-vantoch-photo)? So is polyamorous just another name for open marriage or swingers? ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Hen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@Small\_Hen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Hen)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/7 "2012-12-18T03:31:05Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > See that is even more confusing. Why get married of you want to sleep with other people? > And P.S. did you see his [wife](http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/misha-collins/images/6166202/title/mishas-wife-victoria-vantoch-photo)? > > So is polyamorous just another name for open marriage or swingers? _shrugs_ All peoples is different. I personally cannot comprehend it, but I am literally so insecure that a _normal_ romantic relationship pretty much gives me hives. But you asked why poly people were ugly, and I pointed out a poly couple who are very attractive (or, at least, half the couple. Thanks for reminding me of the good looking other half 😉 ). I’ve also met a poly man in real life who was attractive. I have no idea what his wife looks like, though. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/8 "2012-12-18T03:35:42Z")
There are plenty of self-identified poly-amorous folks on this board who I’m sure will be happy to chime in. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/9 "2012-12-18T03:38:06Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > So what is the point. Is it the thrill of getting sex from other people? Why even be in a relationship in that case? Just fool around. Is there a main couple who then pursues side relationships or is it several couples swinging it up? How is that a healthy arrangement for a lasting relationship? Basically: Swingers fuck people besides their spouse. The polyamorous have relationships with people besides their spouse. ---
**Author:** ![PaulParkhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@PaulParkhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PaulParkhead)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/10 "2012-12-18T03:42:01Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > There are plenty of self-identified poly-amorous folks on this board who I’m sure will be happy to chime in. Including me. Eh, but is the question being asked in good faith? I mean, I can explain, but I won’t justify. ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/11 "2012-12-18T03:43:12Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > There are plenty of self-identified poly-amorous folks on this board who I’m sure will be happy to chime in. Or would have been, had the well not been poisoned from the start. If the OP is genuinely interested, she’d be better served by apologizing and starting another thread. If she just wants to judge people without understanding, there’s no reason for any of the poly folks to take part. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/12 "2012-12-18T03:43:56Z")
So they claim to love others other than their main SO? I guess I can comprehend that in a unmarried realtionship, but how does that work in a marriage. You marry one person but love others outside of the marriage. And I am not talking about one dude and multiple wives, that is just another can of worms, but a marriage where both the man and woman have affection for other people than their spouse. Why, again I ask, get married? Are these other relationships also meant to last, or is it understood you stick by your main squeeze and just use these other people? ---
**Author:** ![typoink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@typoink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typoink)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/13 "2012-12-18T03:45:30Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Why do people in these types of relationships always seem to be,…um, how can I put this delicately, not the kind of people you would want to be sleeping around with? > > The word ogre comes to mind. Interestingly, many polyamorous people are also precisely the sort of people who don’t reflexively judge people based on appearances. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/14 "2012-12-18T03:46:17Z")
> [@PaulParkhead](#): > > Including me. Eh, but is the question being asked in good faith? I mean, I can explain, but I won’t justify. > [@Enginerd](#): > > Or would have been, had the well not been poisoned from the start. If the OP is genuinely interested, she’d be better served by apologizing and starting another thread. If she just wants to judge people without understanding, there’s no reason for any of the poly folks to take part. Yeah, that was kind of my (too subtle) point. She started by insulting a group of folks who happen to be represented on this board. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/15 "2012-12-18T03:49:54Z")
> [@Enginerd](#): > > Or would have been, had the well not been poisoned from the start. If the OP is genuinely interested, she’d be better served by apologizing and starting another thread. If she just wants to judge people without understanding, there’s no reason for any of the poly folks to take part. What do I need to apologize for? I am obviously mistaken, and I don’t personally understand why someone would voluntarily engage in polyamourism, so I assumed most people who do, do it because they can’t keep a monogamous partner interested without outside sex. If that is wrong, then why does one feel the need to love others all at the same time? Is it genuine love, or is it indulging in the same urges we all have but try to overcome when we are in a committed monogamous realtionship? Can you cheat in a polyamorus realtionship? How do you go about introducing an additional partner in one? Do you have to ask the main partner if it is ok first? Do you have to all know each other? If you are a polyamorus couple do you assume your partners are also polyamorous with others and is that ok? How would one keep track of possibly hundreds of potential exposure to other partners? How do you deal with STDS? How are children raised if the result of a polyamorous union? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/16 "2012-12-18T03:52:22Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > [Polyamorous Couple: 'Jealousy Is Really Code For Other Things' (VIDEO) | HuffPost Videos](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/10/polyamory-jealousy_n_2272175.html?1355182255&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl13%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D246878) > > Why do people in these types of relationships always seem to be,…um, how can I put this delicately, not the kind of people you would want to be sleeping around with? > > **The word ogre comes to mind.** > [@April\_R](#): > > What do I need to apologize for? Maybe that. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/17 "2012-12-18T03:54:12Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Yeah, that was kind of my (too subtle) point. She started by insulting a group of folks who happen to be represented on this board. Sorry you feel insulted. I personally don’t think a lot of those examples are attractive. If physical attraction isn’t the issue in polyamourism, what is? ---
**Author:** ![PaulParkhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@PaulParkhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PaulParkhead)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/18 "2012-12-18T03:56:17Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > What do I need to apologize for? I am obviously mistaken, and I don’t personally understand why someone would voluntarily engage in polyamourism, so I assumed most people who do, do it because they can’t keep a monogamous partner interested without outside sex. If that is wrong, then why does one feel the need to love others all at the same time? Is it genuine love, or is it indulging in the same urges we all have but try to overcome when we are in a committed monogamous realtionship? Can you cheat in a polyamorus realtionship? How do you go about introducing an additional partner in one? Do you have to ask the main partner if it is ok first? Do you have to all know each other? If you are a polyamorus couple do you assume your partners are also polyamorous with others and is that ok? How would one keep track of possibly hundreds of potential exposure to other partners? How do you deal with STDS? How are children raised if the result of a polyamorous union? There are answers to most, if not all of those questions. But if you think I’m an ogre, why would I bother to provide those answers? Why would anyone else? Would you listen to the answers? ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/19 "2012-12-18T03:56:27Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Maybe that. in the cited article, I thought those two were attention seeking ogres. They weren’t attractive or convincing, so that was my fist impression. I may be wrong. No one has convinced me otherwise though. No one is answering my questions except to point vaguely to attractive people who are allegedly polyamorous. ---
**Author:** ![typoink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@typoink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typoink)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2012, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392/20 "2012-12-18T03:56:43Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > So they claim to love others other than their main SO? I guess I can comprehend that in a unmarried realtionship, but how does that work in a marriage. You marry one person but love others outside of the marriage. And I am not talking about one dude and multiple wives, that is just another can of worms, but a marriage where both the man and woman have affection for other people than their spouse. Why, again I ask, get married? Are these other relationships also meant to last, or is it understood you stick by your main squeeze and just use these other people? Polyamorous isn’t “a” thing, it’s a range of different relationships. The only real common factor is that it involves more-than-casual relationships with \>2 people. There are many poly people who make each relationship very serious. This CAN often result in flameouts when people simply get spread too thin (or underattended). It can also work very well. The larger number of succesful poly relationships are usually more assymetric. One may have a “primary” partner (often a spouse) and other secondary lovers. The degree of intimacy and affection and time spent with secondaries will vary heavily. Some may also have other partners / fuckbuddies / play partners that fall closer to the purely casual end of things. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamorus/644392.md?page=2)