# Polyamory terminology question **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 5, 2014, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamory-terminology-question/687695 "2014-05-05T05:31:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2014, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamory-terminology-question/687695/1 "2014-05-05T05:31:50Z")
Three people, two men and a woman, are in a romantic relationship, in which they are each romantically involved with both of the others. There is no couple which is given primary status. The relationship is at a level of commitment where “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” are generally acceptable as terms. A breakup occurs, in which the woman and one of the men remain together, while the other man is no longer romantically involved with either. I would say “She and her boyfriend broke up with their boyfriend”. Is there something different I should be saying? ---
**Author:** ![Specklebang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Specklebang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Specklebang)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2014, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamory-terminology-question/687695/2 "2014-05-05T05:42:47Z")
I think the term “partner” or “life-partner” would be most appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2014, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamory-terminology-question/687695/3 "2014-05-05T07:00:09Z")
My friends would say “[we/they] broke up with [our/their] boyfriend” depending on who is saying it, a member of the couple or someone else, treating the remaining couple as a single entity. Although IME I’ve only had one set of poly friends with the setup you describe, mostly it’s Primary Couple + (his girlfriend) + (her boyfriend/girlfriend)… ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2014, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamory-terminology-question/687695/4 "2014-05-05T14:04:13Z")
if you had a significant relationship then they might be your ‘significant other’, SO. if you had multiple significant relationships then they might be your ‘other significant other’, OSO. if someone is no longer a SO or OSO then they might be your exSO or exOSO. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2014, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamory-terminology-question/687695/5 "2014-05-05T14:53:49Z")
Since this is basically an etiquette question, it’s best suited to IMHO. Colibri General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Av8trix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/90db22/32.png) [@Av8trix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Av8trix)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2014, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamory-terminology-question/687695/6 "2014-05-05T15:35:55Z")
They broke up with their third? ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamory-terminology-question/687695/7 "2014-05-06T08:24:45Z")
> [@Av8trix](#): > > They broke up with their third? If I’m reading the OP correctly, I think it was the first and the third who broke up with their second. Although, one, two, and three are all primary and the OP says that there was no primary couple. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamory-terminology-question/687695/8 "2014-05-06T15:00:40Z")
“We went from trike to bike” ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamory-terminology-question/687695/9 "2014-05-06T15:05:01Z")
I would say “they broke up with their partner” or “he broke up with his partners”. But, needless to say, there will be questions to those who are unfamiliar with the original relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamory-terminology-question/687695/10 "2014-05-06T16:13:18Z")
Broke up with primary relationship, secondary relationship, tertiary relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Cognoscant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Cognoscant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cognoscant)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polyamory-terminology-question/687695/11 "2014-05-07T00:21:18Z")
When Alison and I were with Bianca we both referred to her as “our girlfriend.” After we broke up with her we didn’t talk about her anymore.