# Polycarp for President **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 1, 2003, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493 "2003-05-01T22:50:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![kjckjc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e36b37/32.png) [@kjckjc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kjckjc)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/41 "2003-05-06T17:01:54Z")
While Polycarp has my vote, I do have a public image question. Will uninformed voters feel, similar to Kennedy and the Catholic Church, that Poly is beholden to the opinions and advice of an unseen and yet omniscient entity that purportedly writes a column for a Chicago newspaper? And if so, will we have to assure them that this is a B]good\*\* thing? ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/42 "2003-05-06T18:12:54Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Homebrew** _ > > [Polycarp for President](http://home.valornet.com/homebrew/PolyPrez.jpg) _{ahem}_ I do believe this is a two-person ticket, yes? As Vice President, I promise not to screw up nearly as badly, nor be entirely invisible and ineffective as my predecesors, including the great names of Elbridge Gerry, George Dallas, Hubert Humphrey, Spiro Agnew, Gerald Ford, Walter Mondale, and, um, Millard Fillmore… well, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, too! Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/43 "2003-05-06T18:46:05Z")
Can I be your Secretary of State? Or have a senior position in that department? Or, how about National Security Advisor - I’m really good at international relations stuff, honest. Plus, I have no soul! ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/44 "2003-05-06T18:55:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KCSuze \* > \*\ ***Polycarp** would never make it in public office. He’s to honest, decent and caring. \*\* That’s why you need Esprix on the ballot, to balance some of that out… ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/45 "2003-05-06T18:59:02Z")
[needless stupid and crass joke] On our Staright Dope ticket, Who’s the Straight and who’s the Dope? [told ya it was needlessly stupid and crass] * * * I hope this really does take off. I just had a rather disturbing thought, though. **Esprix** , how old are you? (You probably know why I’m asking, though I still think you should be very much involved if this does become real.) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/46 "2003-05-06T19:29:08Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **NoClueBoy** _ > > **Esprix** , how old are you? I fulfill the age requirements to become President of the United States. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/47 "2003-05-06T19:39:12Z")
[Whew!] I reaffirm my nomination of **Esprix** as running mate (VP). 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/48 "2003-05-06T20:03:16Z")
I’m there. Hey, why not? I mean _really_. We’ve seen what this community can do before. How many votes could we turn up? Plus the PP and associated forums? Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/49 "2003-05-06T20:41:26Z")
Let’s see, take a conservative christian, bill him as a moderate and a unifier. Once he’s in office we can do whatever we want. Sounds good to me, excpet one of these days won’t the left catch on? ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/50 "2003-05-06T20:46:18Z")
Oh, and I’ve always pictured Esprix as kind of looking like Dan Quayle in that lean, blonde, boyish wholesome-yet-somehow-depraved way that Dan has. So yeah, that’s got my vote. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/51 "2003-05-06T22:05:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Polycarp \* > **minty green** or **Jodi** for Attorney General Thanks, but I have my heart set on Ambassador to the Cayman Islands. Heck, I’ll take Embassy Copy Boy to the Cayman Islands, if it comes to that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/52 "2003-05-06T22:23:20Z")
\ So _that’s_ what Polycarp looks like! Not at all what I expected. He resembles my Swedish cousinns. _Sure_ we’re not related? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2003, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/53 "2003-05-07T00:22:03Z")
> [@](#): > > So that’s what Polycarp looks like! Not at all what I expected. **Esprix** is in charge of attracting voters who are swayed by good looks. I can also formally pledge that neither I nor my Vice President will accept a blowjob from a female intern in the White House. If **minty** has his heart set on the Cayman Islands, it looks like **Jodi** will be AG. **Montfort** will be Ambassador to Sweden – saving the country money; he’s already there. I’m thinking **Manny** for the Treasury and **Anthracite** for Secretary of Energy (God knows we could use somebody in there who has some conception of what a sane energy policy would entail!). Suggestions of who has the expertise for other cabinet seats and advisory personnel are welcomed. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2003, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/54 "2003-05-07T01:10:03Z")
I nominate **verbenabeast** to lead the FCC - so all those years he spent in radio won’t be TOTALLY wasted. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2003, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/55 "2003-05-07T12:54:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*Oh, and I’ve always pictured Esprix as kind of looking like Dan Quayle in that lean, blonde, boyish wholesome-yet-somehow-depraved way that Dan has. > > So yeah, that’s got my vote. \*\* Sorry, I can only picture Esprix holding a blanket and sucking his thumb. Which is going to get a certain percentage to vote for him, to be sure… ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/56 "2003-05-07T23:05:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Polycarp \* > \*\ ***Montfort** will be Ambassador to Sweden – saving the country money; he’s already there. \*\* In that case, I’ll take Ambassador to the Court of St. James if the position’s still open, especially as my employment situation is currently extremely flexible. Or, failing that, at least Cultural Attache’; I can’t be any worse than some of the nitwits I’ve encountered in that post. ---
**Author:** ![Gazelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/57 "2003-05-08T17:46:40Z")
Dear **Polycarp** : I have excellent organizational skills and years of administrative assistant experience. I can type, file, make travel arrangements and organize events. Therefore, dear sir, please accept this as my formal application for the position of **The President’s Private Secretary**. Sincerely, **Gazelle** ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/58 "2003-05-08T18:22:52Z")
**Soon To Be Mister President Polycarp** , may I recommend **matt\_mcl** as Secretary of Sexy Thangs? I believe I could get Barry White to perform at his nomination ceremony… [Barry White]“Aw, yeah!”[/Barry White] Esprix, VP ---
**Author:** ![\_etalhea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/779978/32.png) [@\_etalhea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_etalhea)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/59 "2003-05-08T19:20:10Z")
May I please be Secretary of Pornography? I think we need one of those. If not, how about Ambassador to Bora Bora? I humbly offer my support. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/60 "2003-05-08T19:56:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by //\etalhea|) \* > **May I please be Secretary of Pornography?** Would that fall under the Department of the Interior? 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493.md?page=4)