# Polycarp for President **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 1, 2003, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493 "2003-05-01T22:50:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/61 "2003-05-08T20:12:33Z")
If someone was serious about this, how would we go about making it so? I know a Straight Dope Party ticket wouldn’t win (in 2004), but we might raise awareness of some important things. Anyone? 2012, here we come! ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/62 "2003-05-09T02:27:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\*If someone was serious about this, how would we go about making it so? > > I know a Straight Dope Party ticket wouldn’t win (in 2004), but we might raise awareness of some important things. > > Anyone? > > 2012, here we come! \*\* Does that have anything to do with the glurge going around about the Mayan calendar predicting the end of the world in 2012? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/63 "2003-05-09T02:38:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Polycarp \* > \*\*[ > I can also formally pledge that neither I nor my Vice President will accept a blowjob from a female intern in the White House. > > \*\* [reporter in the back of the room] Mr. Polycarp! Will you or your running mate accept blowjobs from _male_ interns? [/reporter] ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/64 "2003-05-09T02:40:12Z")
I’m alright on the christian part of this ticket. But the trekkie part leaves me feeling a little uneasy. Mr. Esprit, could you elucidate how Trek Culture can better America please? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/65 "2003-05-09T03:51:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Polycarp \* > \*\*Does that have anything to do with the glurge going around about the Mayan calendar predicting the end of the world in 2012? 😉 \*\* Wow! Talk about picking up on the subtle! You see, I know 2004 is a wash, but we start it up anyways. With the publicity of an internet party making it more powerful, 2008 could actually have some meaningful results. Next election is, of course 2012. I thought, “World’s gonna end anyway. We just might be the ones the gods leave alone. Then, we can elect anyone we please!” Actually, I just figured novelty in 2004, news in 2008, real political influence by 2012. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/66 "2003-05-09T10:43:26Z")
The Chief of Staff also would like to state that she will not accept any blow jobs from male interns while in the White House in office, however, she will consider applications from intelligent, witty male reporters and other gentlemen within an acceptable age of consent. Besides, if I recall correctly, there are lots of hotels in Washington! (Ba-dum-bump!) I wonder. There are a lot of organized, competent people on this board. We’ve got people stationed in every part of the U.S. I’ve also done crazier things (OK, not many). . . . . Nah! Not even _my_ relationship with the universe is this warped! CJ On the other hand, keep that Chief of Staff job open, will you, **Poly**? ---
**Author:** ![\_etalhea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/779978/32.png) [@\_etalhea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_etalhea)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/67 "2003-05-12T15:14:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jr8 \* > \*\*Would that fall under the Department of the Interior? > > 😃 \*\* I was thinking more like homeland security, or maybe treasury considering how much money it brings in. I guess since Poly didn’t reply my request was taken as less-than-serious. What a shame, I had some really good ideas for porn-reform. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/68 "2003-05-13T03:15:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > \*\*_{ahem}_ I do believe this is a two-person ticket, yes? > \*\* [Now updated](http://home.valornet.com/homebrew/PolyPrez.jpg) appropriately. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/69 "2003-05-13T03:29:46Z")
**Esprix** I see you have a thumb in your mouth…tell me sir, did you inhale? ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/70 "2003-05-13T04:06:37Z")
Well done. And yes, I am the cutest running mate, Rufus King and Geraldine Ferraro be damned! (Besides, this means me n’ **Poly** have the older generation/younger generation vote split between us - a sure bet!) And **Shirley** - surely you jest! 😉 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/71 "2003-05-13T04:21:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Homebrew \* > \*\*[Now updated](http://home.valornet.com/homebrew/PolyPrez.jpg) appropriately. \*\* I dunno… now I feel like I’m voting for Charlie Brown and Linus Van Pelt. But considering who’s already running… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/72 "2003-05-13T21:07:13Z")
OK, we need some position papers. Some hot issues, you know. Hmm… “Three grys and you’re out”? And… “Don’t ask, do tell!” I reckon we’ve got the “separation of church and state” issue nailed. So to speak. Poly, what’s your take on budgetary and spending? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/73 "2003-05-13T21:21:33Z")
Jeez Loo-eeze! Is _everyone_ going to ignore me? I tried to start a platform discusion very early in this thread. See below > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\*I’ll build you a campaign platform! > > * * * > > Pro freedom of religion, but NO religious legistration! I mean it. Let everyone worship as they please (no killings, though) and keep it all out of politics. > > Pro education. Gotsta get the stupid out. Start young. > > Pro choice. And I don’t just mean abortion. When it affects only the person or their immediate family family, let them choose. > > Anti pork. I like chicken. No, really. Lobby for an ammendment, law, whatever that cuts out the graft, greed, and excess from every stinking bill introduced. > > Anti income tax. I’m taxed on what I make, what I spend, and on the value of what I own. Cut out one of them. Maybe just a flat tax on spending. (GD here we come) > > Foriegn policy? I don’t know much about that. Help? > > Pro science. With all the pork gone, maybe we can fund some real stuff. > > * * * > > If I don’t rate a cabinet position (see above post in my name, the one nominating Esprix as running mate), perhaps a spokesman type position. Or an Aide. You’d be surprised what I can accomplish in a short period of time. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/74 "2003-05-13T22:50:37Z")
**No Clue Boy** , if nothing else, I’m going to need help keeping the two candidates in line. You can have Assistant to the Chief of Staff or Co-Chief of Staff, if you like. Also, I think the Campaign Manager slot might be open – check with **Homebrew**. I like the platform. I’d also like to suggest a couple of planks: [ul][li]Good, efficient mass transportation is to be encouraged.[/li][li]CEOs and other corporate officers who increase their pay while cutting jobs will lose a significant portion of that pay in the form of taxes which will be used to pay unemployment benefits.[/li][li]Executives pension plans will only be protected in bankruptcy if their worker’s pension plans are protected.[/li][li]All sorts of lovely tax loopholes will be sewn up, with corporate welfare a far larger focus than private welfare. [/li][li]We will work to make the U.S. tax system easily understandable by someone with a high school education who graduated in the middle fifth of his or her class.[/ul][/li] Anyone else got any ideas? CJ Chief of Staff Polycarp and Esprix for President (formerly cjhoworth) ---
**Author:** ![USCDiver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uscdiver/32/354_2.png) [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/75 "2003-05-14T02:21:41Z")
**Polycarp/Esprix '04 - All your vote are belong to us!** Can I be **Surgeon General**? ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/76 "2003-05-14T02:28:43Z")
No. But you may be Sturgeon General. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/77 "2003-05-14T03:19:05Z")
**formerly known as cjhoworth** , your asst would be a fabulous job! Thanks. Ok ok ok ok **Esprix** , you need a new do. Just for a while. Something that screams out “I’m the man for the job! You can trust me!” Oh, and I like your assertiveness (like with the line cutting bastard), that should play up well. Just no bitch slapping when there’s cameras around, right? **Poly** , how about a nice power suit? Maybe a navy double breasted Armani? With a nice rep tie, what school did you go to? Doesn’t matter, really. Do you still talk to **Satan**? I’m thinking he may have a little insight on what the truly radical might want to hear. Don’t either one of you worry about toning down or changing your styles of wit, wisdom, and words. That’s what got you the nominations in the first place. Now… where are my keys…? ---
**Author:** ![musicguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@musicguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/musicguy)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/78 "2003-05-14T05:59:30Z")
Seems that Surgeon General should rightfully go to **Qadgop**. And **Poly** and **Esprix** , you have my vote as well. ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/79 "2003-05-15T00:11:52Z")
Got a position left for me? This is guaranteed to do better than the last political campaign I was involved in! (the Dead Chipmunk fiasco) ---
**Author:** ![Gartog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/22d042/32.png) [@Gartog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gartog)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493/80 "2003-05-18T15:25:46Z")
has the campaign died? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/polycarp-for-president/172493.md?page=5)