# Poor planning for world conquest
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [August 24, 2010, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281 "2010-08-24T12:47:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2010, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/1 "2010-08-24T12:47:00Z")
So, my plan was to breed an army of large animals with claws and fangs and what not and train in them in the ways of the Sith. Then unleash them upon the world and, presto, I’m the Supreme Allied Commander of this little rock.
I starting to really, really wish I that hadn’t chosen giant pandas.
Not so good with the breeding they are.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2010, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/2 "2010-08-24T12:51:17Z")
I, for one, welcome our cute, cuddly, bamboo-shoot-eating overlords.
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### Author:  [@GHO57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GHO57)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2010, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/3 "2010-08-24T13:07:23Z")
Early days… have you tried putting them on a meat diet? Perhaps they’d be more energetic in their efforts. Also it adds to the shock factor if they eat their enemies.
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### Author:  [@RalfCoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RalfCoder)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2010, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/4 "2010-08-24T13:53:23Z")
You may just want to rethink your targeting. That black and white coat really stands out in an urban environment. They’re easy to spot and pick off, man. Try to find a pair that has a brick pattern in their fur, or maybe some that resemble the grill of a Ford. We’ll never see those coming, I bet.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/5 "2010-08-24T14:20:28Z")
> [@](#):
>
> You may just want to rethink your targeting. That black and white coat really stands out in an urban environment.
No it doesn’t! It’s camouflage! They pass themselves off as Police Cars!\*
- “Panda Cars” in Britain, I’ve heard.
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### Author:  [@GHO57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GHO57)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2010, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/6 "2010-08-24T14:39:02Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > You may just want to rethink your targeting. That black and white coat really stands out in an urban environment.
>
> No it doesn’t! It’s camouflage! They pass themselves off as Police Cars!\*
>
> - “Panda Cars” in Britain, I’ve heard.
Also in [Finland](http://www.aamulehti.fi/moro/tokasutjavitsit/6689276-big.jpg).
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### Author:  [@Miss\_Gnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Gnomer)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2010, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/7 "2010-08-25T04:16:44Z")
So the breeding’s not going so great … but how’s the training?!
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### Author:  [@Like\_Fry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Like_Fry)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2010, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/8 "2010-08-25T05:08:05Z")
i have a feeling they have mastered eating, shooting, and leaving.
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### Author:  [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2010, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/9 "2010-08-25T05:56:32Z")
The Japanese panda loves to eat bread.
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### Author:  [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2010, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/10 "2010-08-25T13:54:41Z")
> [@Miss\_Gnomer](#):
>
> So the breeding’s not going so great … but how’s the training?!
That’s Phase Two. I’m still working on crackpot theories like these 🙂
[http://edition.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/01/25/panda.passion/index.html](http://edition.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/01/25/panda.passion/index.html)
> **[BBC NEWS | Asia-Pacific | Pandas unexcited by Viagra](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/2246588.stm)**
>
> Experiments using the anti-impotence drug on pandas in south-west China fail.
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### Author:  [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2010, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/11 "2010-08-25T20:24:43Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > You may just want to rethink your targeting. That black and white coat really stands out in an urban environment.
>
> No it doesn’t! It’s camouflage! They pass themselves off as Police Cars!\*
Actually, around here they would look more like Geek Squad VW Bugs. An unfortuante circumstance that would make people _more_ likely to shoot them.
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### Author:  [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2010, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/12 "2010-08-25T20:31:41Z")
> [@Death\_of\_Rats](#):
>
> > [@CalMeacham](#):
> >
> > No it doesn’t! It’s camouflage! They pass themselves off as Police Cars!\*
>
> Actually, around here they would look more like Geek Squad VW Bugs. An unfortuante circumstance that would make people _more_ likely to shoot them.
Famous last words:
“Can you help me flash my BIOS?”
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### Author:  [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2010, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/13 "2010-08-25T20:41:44Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#):
>
> So, my plan was to breed an army of large animals with claws and fangs and what not and train in them in the ways of the Sith. Then unleash them upon the world and, presto, I’m the Supreme Allied Commander of this little rock.
>
> I starting to really, really wish I that hadn’t chosen giant pandas.
>
> Not so good with the breeding they are.
Try breeding them with each other.
Also, I’ve heard there’s certain movies that you can show them to get them in the mood.
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### Author:  [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2010, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/14 "2010-08-25T20:47:34Z")
> [@Pleonast](#):
>
> Try breeding them with each other.
That’s a bold suggestion - it’ll probably get PETA off my back, too.
ETA: also, I could stand for a few less claw marks…
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### Author:  [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/15 "2010-08-25T20:49:05Z")
> [@GHO57](#):
>
> Early days… have you tried putting them on a meat diet? Perhaps they’d be more energetic in their efforts. Also it adds to the shock factor if they eat their enemies.
Well, pandas _can_ eat meat, theoretically. In fact, they should be able to subsist on meat more easily than they do on bamboo, which they need lots of microbial help to digest. Research suggests that [mutations in their T1R1 gene affects their sense of taste](http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2010-02/cu-gpg021810.php), presumably making meat taste bad to them.
On the downside, do you really want to try to force your trained killer Sith beasts to eat something they think is nasty? On the upside, at least someone has isolated the gene you need to tinker with to make them into _man-eating_ killer Sith beasts.
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### Author:  [@RalfCoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RalfCoder)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2010, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/16 "2010-08-26T00:51:15Z")
> [@Pleonast](#):
>
> Try breeding them with each other.
>
> Also, I’ve heard there’s certain movies that you can show them to get them in the mood.
[Websites, too.](http://www.sandiegozoo.org/pandacam/)
Yes, it’s safe for work.
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### Author:  [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2010, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/17 "2010-08-26T01:12:28Z")
Animals are too unpredictable, killable and difficult. Their frame of reference is too alien. I’ve given up on living creatures, with the exception of variously controlled Humans. The whole ‘killer animal/insect/amoeba" vibe can be more easily created and controlled using animatronic drones. Besides, breeding Dragonflies with 20’ wingspans who can carry mini-guns to a target and destroy it is infinitely more difficult and more expensive than building dragon-fly _shaped_ drones and paying some guy $15 an hour to fly it around and blow shit up. It’s amazing, people sign up by the hundreds to get paid $10 to work telephone support jobs and TAKE shit from everyone while signing a non-disclosure agreement. You can’t imagine how easy it is to get people to sign on for 50% more than that to be minions. Especially when it’s no-risk drone work. No getting eaten by those 20 foot mutant dragonflies, no getting mowed down by SEAL teams bent on cracking an evil lair (which is sooo 20th Century), no evil boss feeding you to mutant insects just because you dropped a cup of coffee on a report.
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### Author:  [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2010, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/18 "2010-08-26T01:23:49Z")
Check my user name-- things could have been a lot worse 😉
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### Author:  [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2010, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/19 "2010-08-26T03:02:47Z")
> [@Like\_Fry](#):
>
> i have a feeling they have mastered eating, shooting, and leaving.
Win.
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### Author:  [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2010, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/poor-planning-for-world-conquest/551281/20 "2010-08-26T11:48:37Z")
> [@Darth\_Nader](#):
>
> Check my user name-- things could have been a lot worse 😉
Ewwww
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