# Pop culture not done making a mockery out of Jewish mysticism. Now, an energy drink. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 19, 2005, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546 "2005-05-19T06:39:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/1 "2005-05-19T06:39:13Z")
[When I’m feeling mired in Malkuth, and I need to get to Netzach, if you know what I mean, I drink some Kabbalah energy drink. Peps me right up with an infusion of sacred hoodoo voodoo water.](http://www.kabbalahenergydrink.com/) I’m just curious what’s next… [ul] [li]Holy Communion brand snack wafers: Now with 50% more divinity in every bite! [/li] [li]Buddha Bread: Bursting with transcendence![/li] [li]Hari Krishna Hot Dogs: Annoy someone at an airport today![/li] [li]Islam ice cream: Submit to God’s will and ride the flavor wave![/li] [li]Taoist Tea: The tea that can be spoken of is not the True Tea. [/li][li]Lutheran Lollypops: Nail your craving for sweets right to the door. [/li][li]Baptist Burritos: Immersed in pure beaney goodness. [/li][li]Unitarian Hard Candy: Hey, all the flavors are good. [/li] [li]Pagan Punch: Now with 12 vitamins, minerals, and an invented history. [/li] [li]Nihilist Necatar: Nothing can taste this wonderful. Nothing. [/li] [li]Atheist Avocados: You’ll never believe they’re this good. [/li] [li]Deist Donuts:Even though these tasty pastries aren’t heaven sent, we know [/li]you’ll like them. [li]Gnostic Gnocchi: You must experience the sublime goodness of the pasta for [/li]yourself. [li]O.T.O Flakes: Sue someone today. [/li] [li]Catholic Candy: Not even the Pope will forgive you if you don’t try some. [/li] [li]Pantheist Pizza: Munch on the pure undying essence of the Creator.[/li] [li]Heracletian Beef Jerky: You never bite into the same piece twice.[/li] [li]Plantonic Forms Snack Bar: The perfect ideal of energy and refreshment. [/li] [li]Zoroastrian Zoo Crackers: Helping Ahura Mazda in the fight against Ahriman [/li]one tasty snack cracker at a time. [li]Manichaeist Macaroni: Even though it’s only the flawed physical representation [/li]of a spiritual form, it’s still a quick and easy meal for the whole family. [li]Shinto Snacks: Make the Kami jealous of all the fun you’ll be having when you open a bag of Shinto Snacks![/li] [li]Moloch Meatloaf: Pop one in the oven today![/li] [li]Discordian Dumplings: Now bursting with even more conflict.[/li] [li]Hindu Hotsauce: In the Kali Yuga, flavor is important. Don’t let your sandwich be untouchable. [/li] [li]Set’s Snack Cakes: A storm of goodness in every bite.[/li] [li]Cargo Cult Cupcakes: Worship one today![/li] [li]Messiah Mangos: So good, they’ll save your soul.[/li] [li]Satanic Soda: Not that we really like it, but it’s good for pissing most Christians off. [/li] [li]Agnostic Applesauce: We don’t know if it’s good, either. [/li] [li]Pythagorean Pears: Conforming to the pure harmony of mathamatical [/li]perfection. [li]SubGenius Sherbet: Stock up for X-day.[/li] [li]Marshan Meatballs: Grok one today. [/li] [li]Fundie Food Coloring: The only one to use. Ever. [/li] [li]Golden Dawn Oranges: Your membership fees are due. [/li] [li]Theosophical Popsicles: The Secret Doctrine of fruity goodness.[/li] [li]Apocrypha Pie: Heretically good. [/li] [li]Skeptic Sour Gummy Candies: Don’t believe they’re that good? See for yourself. [/li] [li]Fluffy Bunny Marshmellows: They help make the world seem a little bit less scary. [/li] [li]Hyperborean Banannas: Somewhere between the Ape and Ubermensch lies a really bitchin’ snack. [/li] [li]Crowley Crackers: Eat what you will shall be the whole of the law.[/li] [li]Mormon Mashed Potatoes: A recipe revealed unto us from up on high. [/li] [li]Snake Handling Sugar: By the grace of God, now with fewer calories. [/li] [li]Mammon Muffins: Money, money, money, money money. Oh, they’re tasty too. [/li] [li]Scientologist Snacks: Nothing, at all, wrong with these snacks. And we’ll sue you if you say otherwise. [/li] [li]Mystic Marble Poundcake: Have a peak experience, eat a slice today![/li] [li]Vodoun Veggies: So fresh and tasty, you’ll make the Loa jealous. [/li] [li]Santeria Shakes: Now in three Sainted flavors. [/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/2 "2005-05-19T06:51:21Z")
This has been going on since the invention of religion, if you think about it. On a more modern level I guess people making a joke out of your religion just means the word (no pun intended) is getting out there. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/3 "2005-05-19T08:58:43Z")
Well… I’ve thought about it now, and to be honest I can’t see how this has been going on since the invention of religion. Can you elaborate? Also, I’m not so sure that this energy drink is a joke. They make claims to having some strange sort of special water > [@](#): > > Kabbalah Energy Drink is infused with Kabbalah Water, which comes from the purest mountain springs. It at least seems that they’re claiming there’s some sort of thing as “Kabbalah water” which would distinguish it from more ‘mundane’ types of H20. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/4 "2005-05-19T09:09:49Z")
Truth is stranger than fiction. [Zenergy drinks.](http://www.zenergybeverages.com/index.php?menu_id=1) Which of course are “Crafted for superior refreshment, **well being** and taste.” I can’t even _write_ comedy like that. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/5 "2005-05-19T13:56:27Z")
Making a mockery of _all_ mysticism, Jewish or otherwise. Thanks, **FinnAgain**! ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/6 "2005-05-19T14:41:57Z")
Don’t forget [Testamints](http://ship-of-fools.com/Gadgets/Food/015.html): The Mint With a Message! (Yes, the web site I linked to is mocking the product, but I assure you Testamints are very real. The [company web site](http://www.testamints.com/) was down, so I had to link to another site.) ---
**Author:** ![liirogue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dbc845/32.png) [@liirogue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/liirogue)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/7 "2005-05-19T15:13:51Z")
I can vouch for Testamints. When I worked at Hobby Lobby several years ago, they had them for sale on the checkout counter. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/8 "2005-05-19T15:16:17Z")
These caused the sharpest amount of pain in my ribcage: [QUOTE=FinnAgain] …[ul] [li]Islam ice cream: Submit to God’s will and ride the flavor wave![/li][li]Lutheran Lollypops: Nail your craving for sweets right to the door. [/li][li]Unitarian Hard Candy: Hey, all the flavors are good. [/li][li]Atheist Avocados: You’ll never believe they’re this good. [/li][li]O.T.O Flakes: Sue someone today. [/li][li]Hindu Hotsauce: In the Kali Yuga, flavor is important. Don’t let your sandwich be untouchable. [/li][li]Fundie Food Coloring: The only one to use. Ever. [/li][li]Crowley Crackers: Eat what you will shall be the whole of the law.[/ul][/li][/QUOTE] Like a cross, they definitely bear repeating ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/9 "2005-05-19T20:09:45Z")
Proving yet again that I can’t write fiction as good as reality… testamints? I wonder, if you were popping one before a date in order to get some snuggling, would that mean you’re going to extra-hell? > [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > Making a mockery of _all_ mysticism, Jewish or otherwise. Thanks, **FinnAgain**! Awww shucks, I’m glad if someone got a chuckle out of 'em. > [@JohnBckWLD](#): > > ``` > These caused the sharpest amount of pain in my ribcage > > ``` That’s certainly a good ammount of laughter, glad that I, um, caused your ribs to hurt :eek: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/10 "2005-05-19T20:44:14Z")
I’ve made this joke before, but I love it so: Corpus Crispies: part of this complete salvation! Christ on a Cracker. Now in cheddar-Ranch! ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/11 "2005-05-19T21:04:16Z")
Those are hilarious, **FinnAgain**! My favorites were: Unitarian Hard Candy: Hey, all the flavors are good. Nihilist Necatar: Nothing can taste this wonderful. Nothing. Manichaeist Macaroni: Even though it’s only the flawed physical representation of a spiritual form, it’s still a quick and easy meal for the whole family. And the very best: Hindu Hotsauce: In the Kali Yuga, flavor is important. Don’t let your sandwich be untouchable. BTW, am I the only one to find the current ad campaign for Doritos slightly offensive? Though I admit I find it unlikely someone was reading the Talmud and walked into the advertising office the next day with, “You know who could write a catchy slogan? Rabbi Hillel, that’s who!” ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/12 "2005-05-19T21:47:36Z")
I like your idea of Catholic candy. The problem is, the guys in charge keep messing with the formula. What you _really_ want is: Catholic candy classic–The sweetest indulgence money can buy! ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/13 "2005-05-19T22:04:46Z")
If you’ve ever eaten Post Toasties, you’ve consumed a cereal that was originally named [Elijah’s Manna.](http://www.lavasurfer.com/cereal-post2.html) ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/14 "2005-05-19T23:14:18Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > [ul] > [li]Atheist Avocados: You’ll never believe they’re this good. [/li] > [/ul] More accurate, but not as funny would be “Atheist Avocados: They are just plain good avocados. Accept them for what they are, not what you wish they would be.” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/15 "2005-05-20T03:36:48Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > I’ve made this joke before, but I love it so: > > Corpus Crispies: part of this complete salvation! > > Christ on a Cracker. Now in cheddar-Ranch! If only you could make that Christ on a Cracker tender, crispy, and add bacon somehow. . . Seriously. I saw cheddar-Ranch, and Hootie exploded into my mind. Damn Burger King! Damn them! A pox upon ye! Or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/16 "2005-05-20T07:59:09Z")
I must surrender to the lure of my sweet, sweet bed, but first I leave you with [Mecca Cola](http://www.mecca-cola.com/). ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/17 "2005-05-20T08:24:29Z")
Asatruar Apple Cider: Lo, there do I see 100% juice, not from concentrate. Jug perfect for making molotov cocktails…in fact, it’s a requirment! ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/18 "2005-05-20T10:28:53Z")
Is this a Jewish joke or just a Yiddish joke? [Soy Vay!](http://www.soyvay.com/) ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/19 "2005-05-20T18:40:45Z")
**Brahe** , I’d say that’s probably a Jewish joke, as the lettering on the bottles resembles, highly, hebrew letters. **Sternvogel** : thats kinda trippy… but at least this isn’t a new phenomena. **Scott** : Three varying answers of divergent tasty goodness: 1. Eeeeewwwww, facts, get 'em away get 'em away! 2. Eh, true, but not funny. You’re fired! 3. We could always debate religion in this thread, but I have an urgent need to smash myself in the head many times with a hammer, first. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2005, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546/20 "2005-05-20T18:50:54Z")
Cthulhu Crispies. You’ll _want_ to eat them first. 🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pop-culture-not-done-making-a-mockery-out-of-jewish-mysticism-now-an-energy-drink/304546.md?page=2)