# Popehat on Giuliani's defense strategies

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/popehat-on-giulianis-defense-strategies/820138>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [August 23, 2018, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/popehat-on-giulianis-defense-strategies/820138 "2018-08-23T22:54:20Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\
**Post date:** [August 23, 2018, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/popehat-on-giulianis-defense-strategies/820138/1 "2018-08-23T22:54:20Z")

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[These are just gold.](https://twitter.com/Popehat/status/1031234895627005952)

Introductory tweet:

> [@Popehat](#):
>
> Giuliani really has a talent for putting defense arguments as unconvincingly, unappealingly, and suspiciously as possible. If his son were a Manhattan gynecologist he’d go around saying “my boy spends his days fingering women near the park.”

> [@Popehat](#):
>
> Judge: Mr. Giuliani, how does your client plead?
> 
> Guuliani: Oh Your Honor, he’s all, “pleeeease, Rudy, I can’t got to jail, you’ve got to help me, I didn’t mean to strangle another one, I just get so angry”
> 
> Judge: …
> 
> Giuliani: [makes ta-da gesture]
> 
> Judge: [puts face in hands]

> [@Popehat](#):
>
> [At a naturalization hearing]
> 
> Immigration Judge [going through checklist]: Mr. Giuliani, does your client advocate the overthrow of the government by force or violence?
> 
> @RudyGiuliani : Violence.
> 
> Judge: No, it’s not…
> 
> Giuliani: Definitely violence.

> [@Dan Sandler](#):
>
> Judge: How do you plead?
> 
> Giuliani: He could not have murdered the victim, he was burying another body at the time.
> 
> Judge: …
> 
> Giuliani: Anyways, you should dismiss the case immediately, my client has already talked to the witnesses and convinced them he was not there.

This is my favorite one:

> [@Popehat](#):
>
> Judge: Mr. Giuliani, are you making an opening statement?
> 
> Giuliani: Yes judge. [to jury] Ladies and gentlemen there are two questions before you today. Do cocktail waitresses have unforeseeably fragile necks? And did my client break one?
> 
> Jury: …
> 
> Giuliani: just like fuckin SNAP

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**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\
**Post date:** [August 23, 2018, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/popehat-on-giulianis-defense-strategies/820138/2 "2018-08-23T23:40:21Z")

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Remember when he was the moderate Republican mayor of New York? If he’d spewed crap like that when he ran for.mayor he would have been lucky to win Staten Island.