# Porch Pirates **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 15, 2024, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661 "2024-12-15T04:42:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2024, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/41 "2024-12-19T00:57:44Z")
It’s comforting to know that a pirate would never come back to retaliate for a booby trapped package going off in their face. ---
**Author:** ![Strenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@Strenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strenger)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2024, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/42 "2024-12-19T08:14:17Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > It’s comforting to know that a pirate would never come back to retaliate for a booby trapped package going off in their face. That is what we call a dry wit, and one appreciates it. Actually, first laugh of the day (well, small guffaw), and it is welcome. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2024, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/43 "2024-12-19T13:25:21Z")
I recall reading stories about gift-wrapped boxes of literal garbage left in unlocked cars during garbage strikes - is there a variation on this for porch pirates? Or the ever-popular bag of dog poo? I’m lucky enough to live in a neighborhood where it doesn’t seem to be a problem, since the delivery drivers never even bother to ring the bell. They just set the box on the porch, snap a photo, then go. I’d love to be able to rig up the sprinklers to go off, but how to distinguish between a legitimate delivery person/visitor and a baddie? Must invent an intent-o-meter. ---
**Author:** ![Strenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@Strenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strenger)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2024, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/44 "2024-12-20T07:55:58Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > I’m lucky enough to live in a neighborhood where it doesn’t seem to be a problem, since the delivery drivers never even bother to ring the bell. Yeah, ditto. Stuff gets misdelivered when the contractors hire some greenhorn drivers every few months. But that’s really about it. Minor inconvenience, but that’s all. I think it’s one of the best attributes of Amazon drivers that they _don’t_ ring the bell or knock on the door like the damn police! If I’m in my office at home, I hear the footsteps, or get the notification the parcel(s) have been delivered online. I work odd hours and _really_ do not want to hear _anyone_ ring the doorbell or even knock on the door. Completely an irritant, and completely unnecessary. (I know I should have disconnected the doorbell…years ago…but so, so lazy!) Dunno if it’s Amazon’s policy for their contractors, but I’m glad when I see a parcel is to be delivered by them and not UPS. Of course it seems they offload some stuff to USPS (for sure) and maybe UPS (not sure), but not all that often IME where I’m at. > [@FairyChatMom](#): > > I recall reading stories about gift-wrapped boxes of literal garbage left in unlocked cars during garbage strikes - is there a variation on this for porch pirates? That’s a new one for me. Kind of clever, I guess! ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2024, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/45 "2024-12-20T11:44:15Z")
> [@Strenger](#): > > I work odd hours and _really_ do not want to hear _anyone_ ring the doorbell or even knock on the door. Completely an irritant, and completely unnecessary. This just shows how lifestyles differ. 😀 I’m retired, am usually at home and appreciate it when the delivery driver puts a package on my doorstep, rings the doorbell and trundles off - whilst I then open the door and collect my package immediately. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2024, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/46 "2024-12-28T02:38:03Z")
There are battery-powered morion detectors that will send a text alert when someone comes up the driveway or approaches your door. ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2024, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/47 "2024-12-28T03:31:58Z")
You can totally mail bees; I’ve received them via USPS multiple times, both queens in an envelope and bulk bees in screened boxes. But I don’t think Amazon ships them. And they were clearly marked LIVE BEES. Our mailman was not thrilled and honked the horn until we came out and got them out of her truck. ETA: [526 Mailable Live Animals | Postal Explorer](https://pe.usps.com/text/pub52/pub52c5_008.htm#ep183969) ---
**Author:** ![Strenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@Strenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strenger)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2024, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/48 "2024-12-28T04:48:47Z")
> [@Ruken](#): > > Our mailman was not thrilled and honked the horn until we came out and got them out of her truck. It’s near the end of my work day and post-work broadcast hour, but that might have been the first laugh of the day. On Xmas Eve, just chatting, found out an old friend of mine is now an apiarist…or beekeeper…haven’t been in touch with her for years…had some of her honey. I’d think there’s something zoning laws in many municipalities that might forbid sending customers out with boxes of bees…or tubes…or however they come. Makes good sense mail order is the way to go. That _is_ how one receives Sea Monkeys, after all. Same thing. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2024, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/49 "2024-12-28T19:31:12Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > How about murder hornets? I tried to hire one; I got an undercover cop hornet instead; I sure hope I will not bee convicted. > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > So many other things you can do, > > Have delivery made when you’re home. How can I be home when I can’t even be sure what _day_ the package will arrive > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Have a locking parcel box. big, ugly, (probably) expensive & sitting there, unused, most of the time. I also assume that this would need to be installed / mounted to make sure someone doesn’t just walk off with your secure box. Not everyone has the mechanical ability or tools to mount, or is allowed to do such (renters). I see some pirate stealing your secure parcel box when that is delivered, before you get it. 🤣 > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Have some one watch out for it. I don’t sit in my front window all day. I have also been home all day & gone to the front door to see that there was something delivered at some point while I was in the house. I have no idea why these folks don’t know how to use a doorbell; especially when they put the package directly below it. It would literally be a fraction of a second to press it while they’re already right there > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Have it delivered somewhere safer. defeats the convenience of home delivery > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Get a ring doorbell. So I see a person in a black hoodie & a face mask took something. This isn’t the crime of the century that they’re turning over to CSI to solve. > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Insure it. Or know your vendors policy on lost packages. Sounds like a Mafia racket. ~~Gee that’s a nice building you have there, would hate to see it catch fire.~~ Gee, it would be a shame if you’re package was stolen. > [@Seanette](#): > > I can supply used cat litter for this public service. That’s a shitty thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2024, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/50 "2024-12-28T19:43:05Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > How can I be home when I can’t even be sure what _day_ the package will arrive Both Fedex and UPS have free services (FedEx Delivery Manager, UPS My Choice) you can sign up for that will notify you of an incoming package. They will let you know that a package is on the way, that it will be delivered tomorrow, that it will be delivered today or that it was delivered. That can be helpful if you’re worried about the package getting stolen. You can also redirect the package to one of their locations (UPS Store locations, Fedex Office locations, the depots for both companies). ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2024, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/51 "2024-12-28T19:49:35Z")
What you are describing is after the fact. I would need to know that when I ordered. Let’s say I alternates days at home / in office. I’d want a package delivered on M, W, or F morning (because I’m going away for the weekend) but not on T or Th because I’m not home those days. I do have the UPS service, & I believe I can change the delivery…_for a fee_. If I’m on a website & they say it’ll be delivered on T then I will wait 24 hrs until placing my order to ensure it comes on W, or allow me to choose a delivery day / time (am vs. pm) when I place my order ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2024, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/52 "2024-12-28T19:58:10Z")
Amazon lets you choose a delivery day regardless of who is doing the actual delivery. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2024, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/53 "2024-12-28T20:01:07Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Amazon lets you choose a delivery day regardless of who is doing the actual delivery While they do, it’s sometimes not a specific date, but a range, and (particularly if it’s coming from a third-party seller) subject to being delayed, or even arriving earlier than expected, after you place the order. It’s by no means foolproof for someone who is only home on certain days, much less only at home at certain times on a particular day. Also, when I get an Amazon delivery, my Alexa notifies me of the delivery within a few minutes of it hitting my porch, and they also send me an email on the same timing. However, during the pre-Christmas rush, those automated notifications were sometimes as much as a couple of hours after the delivery was actually made. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2024, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/54 "2024-12-28T20:38:24Z")
Don’t be catty. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2024, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/55 "2024-12-28T20:39:21Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Amazon lets you choose a delivery day regardless of who is doing the actual delivery. Until my apartment building added an Amazon Hub locker, I would routinely redirect Amazon orders to an Amazon Locker location. One was between my worksite and my home, so not too inconvenient. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2024, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/56 "2024-12-28T21:25:42Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Until my apartment building added an Amazon Hub locker, I would routinely redirect Amazon orders to an Amazon Locker location. Those are great, but not all Amazons can be delivered to them. Subscribe & Save, 3rd party sellers, etc. Possibly prescriptions, too. I keep a very large flower pot on the front porch tucked off slightly to the side where it’s not as visible from the street, with a little sign on it that says “packages”, but they usually ignore it and set the package right in front of the door, sometimes making it difficult to open the screen door. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2024, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/57 "2024-12-28T21:27:06Z")
And some Amazon packages are too large to fit in the lockers. Really, there is no one solution to the problem of securing packages. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2024, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/58 "2024-12-28T21:31:41Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Really, there is no one solution to the problem of securing packages. Yep, especially this time of year when they have seasonal delivery drivers who don’t quite know what they’re doing. ---
**Author:** ![Strenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@Strenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strenger)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2024, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/59 "2024-12-29T08:01:52Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > I don’t sit in my front window all day. I have also been home all day & gone to the front door to see that there was something delivered at some point while I was in the house. I have no idea why these folks don’t know how to use a doorbell; especially when they put the package directly below it. OK, I asked a pal who started delivering for the 'Zon a month or so ago. No, they are specifically trained to not knock, nor ring the doorbell. Presumably for the benefit of those of us who don’t work 9-5 “straight jobs.” I.e., who aren’t just sitting around watching TV all day or chopping wood or whatever people do, but who are sleeping. I’m sure there are any number of reasons customers don’t wish to be disturbed, but I’m not interested in speculating. **However** , you can always put a note for the driver/delivery requesting that they knock/ring. It’s under the delivery options on Amazon, and I’ve used it in the past to good effect. It’s probably likely the driver will see it and comply. Or, failing that, just tape a Post-It to the front door (or whatever door) asking the driver to ring or knock. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2025, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661/60 "2025-01-05T18:26:09Z")
I get a text message with a photo of my package sitting on the porch. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porch-pirates/1011661.md?page=4)