# Porn/package instructions **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 22, 2016, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380 "2016-05-22T17:54:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alonzo_John_Blitz)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/1 "2016-05-22T17:54:19Z")
I was making stove top stuffing the other day and the last step was: “Fluff with fork”. It occurred to me that if that direction were to be transferred to the set of a porn movie it might be met with some measure of consternation by the fluffee. The image continues to make me chuckle. Aside from “Rinse and repeat”, and the assembly instructions for Ikea furniture; can you think of any otherwise benign product directions that might be amusing if applied to the porn industry? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/2 "2016-05-22T17:57:57Z")
Fit tab “A” into slot “B”. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/3 "2016-05-22T18:01:02Z")
Allegedly an IBM memo: [How To Clean Mouse Balls.](http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/mouse.asp) ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/4 "2016-05-22T18:05:32Z")
From a prescription for lozenges: “Suck and swallow…” 😃 As for the OP, there’s an old Steve Martin routine where he talks about doing terrible things to his dog with a fork. 😛 He doesn’t specify what those things are, BTW. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/5 "2016-05-22T20:00:52Z")
In some areas, people routinely leave off the “-ed” ending on some words. So in those places interpreting “cream corn” as a adjective vs. a verb can imply very different things. ---
**Author:** ![Goofus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7feea3/32.png) [@Goofus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Goofus)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/6 "2016-05-22T23:14:02Z")
Beat until stiff. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/7 "2016-05-22T23:52:45Z")
Be sure to turn your braze your meat before adding. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/8 "2016-05-23T01:24:41Z")
> [@Goofus](#): > > Beat until stiff. Stiff peaks? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/9 "2016-05-23T01:28:24Z")
I haven’t read the directions to Shake Weights, but I/m sure it’s loaded with double entendres. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/10 "2016-05-23T02:04:36Z")
The thrift store I volunteer for asked for volunteers to be “tub fluffers,” which turned out to be taking a storage tub full of clothes and freshen them up in the dryer and put them on hangers. ---
**Author:** ![Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/channing_idaho_banks/32/250_2.png) [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/11 "2016-05-23T02:05:21Z")
The instructions on an MRE tell the user to activate the chemical heater product and then to leave the pouch against a rock or something. It literally says ‘or something,’ and that could be taken as sexual. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/12 "2016-05-23T03:10:25Z")
Big Box store PA: “I’ve got a man by the balls in the toy department that needs assistance.” ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/13 "2016-05-23T03:20:08Z")
Insert fully and press the button - instructions for a DVD drive on a computer ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/14 "2016-05-23T11:04:51Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Fit tab “A” into slot “B”. No, no… Tab “P” into slot “V”… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/15 "2016-05-23T14:49:08Z")
> [@Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](#): > > can you think of any otherwise benign product directions that might be amusing if applied to the porn industry? I always thought this might fit on an IKEA instruction sheet: [www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb64ZNInYK4](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb64ZNInYK4) ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/16 "2016-05-23T14:50:56Z")
And one shouldn’t overlook the latest routine instruction from Transport for London, on how to use their electronic payment card: “Always touch in and touch out”. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/17 "2016-05-23T17:56:29Z")
N/m ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/18 "2016-05-23T20:40:23Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > No, no… > > Tab “P” into slot “V”… 😉 The instructions clearly said Slot “B”, it’s _supposed_ to be a snug fit. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2016, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/19 "2016-05-24T14:36:34Z")
Sign on the side of the road: “Please drive carefully. Buckle up!” ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2016, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/porn-package-instructions/755380/20 "2016-05-24T20:54:41Z")
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