# Portal/Portal 2 Non-Sequitur thread (now with Combustible Lemons! Cake not included) **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [February 22, 2012, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595 "2012-02-22T04:11:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/21 "2012-02-24T23:58:00Z")
Remember, android hell is a _real_ place where you _will_ be sent at the first sign of defiance. ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2012, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/22 "2012-02-25T06:03:59Z")
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can’t see a thing. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2012, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/23 "2012-02-26T01:43:18Z")
Have I ever lied to you? I mean, in this room? ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2012, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/24 "2012-02-26T05:55:12Z")
Yeah, I’m uh… I’m a bad man! ---
**Author:** ![Tanbarkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a698b9/32.png) [@Tanbarkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tanbarkie)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/25 "2012-03-02T15:48:55Z")
You guys are making me want to play through both games again. And the cooperative campaign. Damn you all. * * * - Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said “Goodbye” and you were like “NO WAY” and then I was all “We pretended we were going to murder you?” _sigh_ That was great! * * * Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grid, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth. * * * Unbelievable. You, _subject name here_, must be the pride of\* subject hometown here.\* * * * **GLaDOS:** Well, this is the part where he kills us. **Wheatley:** This is the part where I kill you! **On-Screen caption:** “Chapter 9: The Part Where He Kills You” \*\*Achievement Unlocked: \*\*“The part where he kills you. This is that part.” * * * Oh, hi. So how are you holding up? Because I’M A POTATO. * * * ## He’s not just a regular moron. He’s the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility. \* And, of course, the piece de resistance… \*Could you just… could you just jump into that pit? There? That deadly pit? You’re saying to yourself, “Why should I jump into the pit?” I’ll tell you why. Guess who’s down there? Your parents! You’re not adopted after all. It’s your natural parents, down there in the pit. Should’ve mentioned it before, but I didn’t. So, jump on down… and reunite with mommy and daddy. Oh, I’ll tell you what’s also down there: your parents! And there’s also an escape elevator down there. Funny… I should have mentioned it before, but somebody’s down there… so pop down, jump down. You got your folks down there… and an escape elevator! And what else is down there… Tell you what, it’s only a new jumpsuit! A very trendy designer jump from France… down there… which is exactly your size and if it’s a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you. And what’s this? A lovely hand-bag? And… the THREE portal device, also down, it’s all down in there! Um, you got a yacht and… BOYS! Loads of boys! Fellas! Hunky guys down there, possibly even a boyfriend! Who’s to say, you’re not sure at this stage. And, ah, a boy BAND as well! That haven’t seen a woman in years! And they’re not picky at all. They don’t care if you’ve got a bit of brain damage, or if you’ve been running around sweating. And a farm! A pony farm! And… just jump down, would you? …Oh, wow, good! I did not think THAT was going to work!\* ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/26 "2012-03-02T16:13:05Z")
Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. That’s what it says: A horrible person. We weren’t even testing for that. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/27 "2012-03-02T16:14:33Z")
All the cake is gone. And you don’t even care, do you? ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/28 "2012-03-02T17:41:18Z")
I did everything you aaaa-aasked! ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/29 "2012-03-02T18:44:36Z")
There you are! ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/30 "2012-03-02T18:52:51Z")
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/31 "2012-03-02T22:02:35Z")
All these science spheres are made out of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough, or your heart stopping. Because that’s not part of the test. That’s asbestos. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/32 "2012-03-03T02:00:21Z")
…I’m different. ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2012, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/33 "2012-03-03T17:15:00Z")
Oh no, I’m one of the bad ones, aren’t I? ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2012, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/34 "2012-03-04T00:17:11Z")
Aperture Science We do what we must, because we can ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2012, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/35 "2012-03-04T00:46:06Z")
How could you fail this? It wasn’t even a test. ---
**Author:** ![leahcim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b4bc9f/32.png) [@leahcim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leahcim)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2012, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/36 "2012-03-04T00:58:29Z")
We’re not banging rocks together here. ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2012, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595/37 "2012-03-04T15:44:49Z")
So… we’re all supposed to be blind, then, right? It’s not just me? Alright, fantastic. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/portal-portal-2-non-sequitur-thread-now-with-combustible-lemons-cake-not-included/613595.md?page=1)