# Positions In My New World Government! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 17, 2000, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806 "2000-05-17T22:12:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/1 "2000-05-17T22:12:29Z")
Okay, here’s the SD- I plan on taking over Vancouver Island soon. I have sticks, so I can do a hostile takeover. I have that part covered. What I need now is a loyal group of people to jointly rule. I will be giving away positions on the basis of name and need. Tell me what you like to do if you want. Then I will assign you a high position. When we launch a successful attack on the world, you will be at the top. Attention, people with crappy sig lines! Now is your chance! Secure a position! However, the position of honorary deity goes to good 'ol Unca Cece. Without him, we would be nothing. Che! ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/2 "2000-05-17T22:17:17Z")
Dear Red Dragon, I have the complete loyalty of a remarkable and talented group of women and men. Perhaps you’ve heard of us…We’re known as The Hags of The Straight Dope. I wonder if we could be of service. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/3 "2000-05-17T22:23:01Z")
As you can see, in addition to having posted only once before **and** not having a sig **and** being a textbook introvert, I actually happen to like Vancouver. As for position: Hmmm. Archivist =\> Historian =\> Minister of (dis-/mis-)Information? You decide, but no pity posts please. Also, just so long as my new job involves a minimum of actual work. I’m loyal, but I’m lazy. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/4 "2000-05-17T22:24:54Z")
Send your hags here! Green Bean, I am pleased to bestow upon you the title of Honorary Hag Queen of The Republic of Vancouver! You can dictate what is considered, gorgeous or just cute, haggy or un-haggy. Like it? Viva La Revolution! ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/5 "2000-05-17T22:28:29Z")
**Finally** , someone willing to recognize my talents! red\_dragon60, I heartily approve your plan of taking over Vancouver Island. I will be at your side and fight with you to the death. The positions I want: a) Captain of the Imperial guard, “Les Grognards” as Napoleon used to call them. “La Garde meurt, mais ne se rend pas!” b) Artistic Director of the Imperial ballet. I plan on having the guards double as ballet dancers, to keep them limber in times of peace. I am assembling the finest local soldiers/ballet dancers now. Any ex-cast members of West Side Story, that performed a role as one of the Sharks or the Jets, please correspond to me in code at my e-mail. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/6 "2000-05-17T22:32:43Z")
Well, it’s nice…but I was hoping for something more like “Supreme Commander of Hag Forces,” or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7feea3/32.png) [@PatrickM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickM)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/7 "2000-05-17T22:35:41Z")
I’d like to be our the delegate to the International Olympic Committee. That sounds like a cushy job. I can receive bribes AND keep my mouth shut about it. ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/8 "2000-05-17T22:36:44Z")
Archive Guy- You will be Grand Inquisitor of The Republic Of Vancouver. You will find out the truth and moonlight as my Grand Guardian of the Imperial Library of The Republic of Vancouver. This consists of about 13 books from my collection. Arnold Winkelreid- You will be my General of the Ballet Troopers of The Republic of Vancouver. They will have to wear their fatigues in the plays though. This will intimidate any enemies in the theatre. They will be trained in combat on land, air, and sea. We will call them… LANDAIRSEAS! Conquer! ---
**Author:** ![Catrandom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@Catrandom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catrandom)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/9 "2000-05-17T22:39:13Z")
I want to be in charge of international incidents and breakdowns of diplomacy. That sound good? Catrandom ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/10 "2000-05-17T22:41:48Z")
damn historian has already been applied for. I am not talented enough for poet lauriate. How about Minister of Natural resources, Minister of Bikini inspection, or Minister of Transportation. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/11 "2000-05-17T22:42:41Z")
Can I be the Drug Czar? Or is that going to be less exciting than I think it would be? ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/12 "2000-05-17T22:44:50Z")
Please consider my application for the position of Speaker of the House. Since you haven’t yet established any Houses of government, I’ll settle for speaking at each house in the Republic (determined each fortnight by random draw, of course). My qualifications include a long career of imparting as little meaning as possible while sounding profound. ---
**Author:** ![Initial\_Entry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e9a140/32.png) [@Initial\_Entry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Initial_Entry)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/13 "2000-05-17T22:51:42Z")
I don’t really mind what my title is, as long as it has a high potential for abuse of power. Leader of the secret police, for instance, would be good. ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/14 "2000-05-17T22:53:35Z")
PatrickM- Yes, you will work with our guerilla warfare ballet dancers, and cross train them in running. Then we will use them to push bobsleds. You will be Grand Internal External Olympic Spokesperson For Training of Cross-trained Soldier-Bobsledders of The Republic of Vancouver. Catrandom- You will be my Anarchy Test Consulate of the Republic of Vancouver. I will send you to other countries so you can spread anarchy. Nice? Osip- You will be Great Consulate of Chronology of The Republic of Vancouver. You will record our great victories over other countries using one of those cool little tape decks reporters carry around. adam yax- You will be my Official Hordiculturist of “Pharmocologial” Species of Vancouver of the Republic of Vancouver. You will inverstigate and “test” the flora of our great island. And then steal it and claim the Government did it. Like it? ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/15 "2000-05-17T23:01:50Z")
xenophon41- You will be my Speaker of the Nonexistent House of The Republic of Vancouver. You will pass laws all by yourself and all you have to do is pass them by me. Wipe away that sad face! You will get 750,000 dollars a year! Tax-free! Initial Entry- You will be Grand Commadore of the Yellow Submarine fleet of The Republic of Vancouver. This may not seem like much, but you get command of of my nuclear arsenal. That’s let’s see, 25,000 ones. Nope, not a typo. Down with the system! ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/16 "2000-05-17T23:07:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > adam yax- You will be my Official Hordiculturist of “Pharmocologial” Species of Vancouver of the Republic of Vancouver. You will inverstigate and “test” the flora of our great island. And then steal it and claim the Government did it. Like it? > \*\* Yes, I’ll take it. That Vancouver hydro is great stuff. Not to mention the 'shrooms… ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/17 "2000-05-17T23:20:17Z")
I want to be Secretary of Tuna ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/18 "2000-05-17T23:25:06Z")
I want to run all the secret smear campaigns against our neighbors. You know, how they are unfriendly the enviroment, industry, senoir citizens, armadillos, what have you. ---
**Author:** ![Initial\_Entry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e9a140/32.png) [@Initial\_Entry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Initial_Entry)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/19 "2000-05-17T23:37:49Z")
> [@](#): > > Initial Entry- You will be Grand Commadore of the Yellow Submarine fleet of The Republic of Vancouver. This may not seem like much, but you get command of of my nuclear arsenal. That’s let’s see, 25,000 ones. Nope, not a typo. WoooHoooo! I have control of nuclear weapons! I want a raise…“please”. ---
**Author:** ![Suo\_Na](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Suo\_Na](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suo_Na)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2000, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/20 "2000-05-17T23:43:29Z")
Can I be official Nanaimo bar tester? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806.md?page=2)