# Positions In My New World Government! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 17, 2000, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806 "2000-05-17T22:12:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/41 "2000-05-18T23:15:05Z")
> [@](#): > > Topaz Antares- You will be Commisar of Internal Coffee Emporiums of The _Republic_ of Vancouver. Because this position is too “mainstream”, you will also work with adam yax to purvey the _“horticultural”_ products. And you will write pro-Vancouver poetry. Oh cool sounds good. Here lets try this out _Hey Vancouver City of really cool people Ruled by red\_dragon60 Who took over Hostily with sticks And those appointed by him From the SDMB Our God is Cecil All praise him Let us enjoy the cooling rains And the gorgeous gardens With minimal snow in the winter What a wonderful place this is May it forever be this way Let us rejoice_\* Okay… I guess it needs a little work but this is good for now I think. \*Is this even a word? \*Note:\*The italicized in the quote is typo correction. _grins_ Oh and did you mean Commissar or Commissioner? ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/42 "2000-05-18T23:18:50Z")
Aw what the hell, I guess I’ll apply for a position in your government. Do you have any need for a Canadian who has switched to your side? Puhleeeze!!! Puhleeeze!!! Keith ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/43 "2000-05-18T23:23:15Z")
Topaz, for that one, you’re first on the gallows. Dragon, I do believe that we have an opening for a Commisar of Internal Coffee Emporiums. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/44 "2000-05-18T23:27:25Z")
Eep! _hides from Wally_ But my Muse wasn’t talking… so I just stuffed something together… Give me another chance? _gives him the doe eye look_ ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/45 "2000-05-18T23:32:07Z")
Okay. But you’re on probation. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/46 "2000-05-18T23:34:31Z")
Okay… I’ll be good. I won’t post any poetry till my Muse speaks… but that may be awhile lately it seems She’s been quiet. ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2000, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/47 "2000-05-19T01:16:26Z")
adam yax- Don’t worry, I have plenty of gas that has been siphoned just sitting in my backyard. Heh heh heh… Connor- You will be Minister of Raging Against Machines in The Republic of Vancouver. This means you will find machines to rage against, but they have to be foreign. Cars will be your first assignment. How good are you with key art on the doors of cars?I’ll double your salary if you can tell me what the heck “deus ex machina” means. Even FLs have trouble. WallyM7- Your request has been granted with one small exception. Your title is now Overlord High Exchequer of the Mint, Purveyer of Boullion, And Justice Bringer toAll That Oppose The Official Banking System of The Republic of Vancouver. Go ahead and punish. You can even sell tickets. xenophon41- Thank you for the smooth processment of the Rastafarians. Our dreams will soon come true. TopazAntares- That was beautiful in a sort of pathetic, first try basis. I can almost hear the bongos. You will soon recieve helper monkeys to play the drums for you. Thank you for the corrections. FL has a bad keyboard, and cannot think straight when global domination is going through his mind. I meant Commisar. It’s kind of a military title. Vague and obscure, just the way we like it. Would you like to borrow a muse? I have a couple just eating my food in the Imperial Palace. Odieman- You will be the Official High Commisioner of Tree Hugging and General Flora Morale in The Republic of Vancouver. That means you will periodically check our ancient redwood groves by hugging them to maintain their love of our great country. You will be issued a soft hugging coat and a fertilizer in the form of a soothing body rub for the tree’s health. We shall oil our gears witht he blood of our enemies! ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2000, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/48 "2000-05-19T01:46:24Z")
Proclamation: Let it be heard throughout the land that I, Overlord High Exchequer of the Mint, will take no prisoners. I have no jail. I do, however, have a gallows. All dissenters, miscreants, terrorists, loiterers, murderers, mopers and street mimes will be dealt with swiftly and surely. Tickets and refreshments will be made available for the masses at extortionist prices. A fair trial will be held immediately following the execution. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2000, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/49 "2000-05-19T02:02:12Z")
Thank you… I think I may skip the Monkeys but if you insist I shall take them. I would love to borrow a Muse and perhaps mine will show up from her vacation and give me something good on Vancouver. I did get something not too bad on rain a little while ago only its more of a calling for rain… I’ll put it up if you want to see it though since Vancouver does get a fair amount of rain… ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2000, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/50 "2000-05-19T14:10:52Z")
[hijack (but its my job)] I, in fact, DO know what deus ex machinas means. Its a literary term, basically meaning “cop out”. Are you familiar with stories that have completely implausible endings? Like the westerns where the good guy has absolutely no way out, and at the last minute the cavalry comes out of no where? Deus ex machinas. Old greek plays would have endings very similar, but (due to the lack of cavalries at the time) would have an angel or god lowered on the stage to rescue to damsel, hero, etc. Literal meaning - machine god. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2000, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/51 "2000-05-19T15:58:23Z")
Fearless leader, the Ballet Troops are sorely in need of refreshment after their exertions. Their pas-de-deux and pirouettes are progressing wonderfully, and their “attack” _battemenets frappés_, perfected by yours truly (modestly buffs fingernails against his shirt) will strike fear in any opponent. > [@](#): > > originally posted by the fearless leader: > WallyM7- Your request has been granted with one small exception. Your title is now Overlord High Exchequer of the Mint, Purveyer of Boullion, And Justice Bringer toAll That Oppose The Official Banking System of The Republic of Vancouver. Go ahead and punish. You can even sell tickets. Overlod High Exchequer, my troops are sorely in need of refreshments after their exertions. We desperately need some bouillon. After polling the troops, we have decided on 20 gallons of chicken. Please have it delivered ASAP. Additionaly, the troops have been clamoring for their salaries. What is the hold-up? I am trying to appease them but I fear for the safety of the nation if this unfortunate situation continues. I must protest the allocation of bongo-playing helper monkeys to TopazAntares, when the Ballet Troops have been reduced to practising without music since their inception. I hereby request a small corps of musicians as adjunct to the Ballet Troops, which corps will double as an army band for times of battle. (The Troops have asked me to emphasize the need for a bugle, a player of the bagpipes, and a harpist.) ---
**Author:** ![Suo\_Na](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Suo\_Na](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suo_Na)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2000, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/52 "2000-05-20T00:02:22Z")
He xnt bzm qdzc sghr xnt ltrs ad qdzkkx anqdc. I have a question, oh fearless leader. Are we taking over Vancouver too, or just Vancouver Island? If so I think we should hold our cabinet meetings at Fogg ‘n’ Suds. Biggest selection of beer on the planet! ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2000, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/53 "2000-05-20T00:12:03Z")
The Ballet Troops have priority over everything. The necessary funds are on the way. The Mint has been operating on a 24 hour basis in order to make this possible. Please be aware that this will result in rampant inflation, but I have taken steps to ensure that only the serfs will suffer. ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2000, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/54 "2000-05-20T01:43:57Z")
I, aha, Secretary Of Tuna proclaim to all citizens: If it smells like fish…eat it. Wait that doesn’t sound exactly right does it? ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2000, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/55 "2000-05-20T02:10:25Z")
FL, might I suggest you look through your mail; I have several new laws to pass before you. [ul][li] **The Tuna Law** which proclaims (at the suggestion of Secretary of Tuna **aha** ) If It Smells Like Fish, Congress Shall Pass no Laws Prohibiting the Eating Thereof[_] **The Percussive Summary Execution Act** which allows **WallyM7** to summarily terminate (with extreme prejudice) any bongo monkeys shirking their duty[_] **The Subsequent to First Entry Initiative** which quadruples the zero salary of the Grand Commodore, **Initial Entry** [_] **The Conservation of Art Compromise** which allows for either Brilliant Poetry & Woefully Inadequate Ballet or for Execrable Poetry and Scintillating Dance, but never for both Brilliant and Scintillating or both Woeful and Execrable at the same time[_]and finally, the **Silly Spirited Strolling Legislation** which requires all pub crawling to be performed in accordance with the guidelines published by the Ministry of Silly Walks (Hon. **Shirley Ujest** [/ul][/li] _Ecce Vancouver!_ ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2000, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/56 "2000-05-20T08:02:52Z")
Not all my poetry is excruciating… just some of it… but doesn’t everyone have their bad days? I mean not all poets just churn out perfect stuff. Here see? _Droplets falling clouds crying cleansing washing away the pollution all that is bad making anew the world_ This I wrote sometime last year when my Muse first started to show up fairly regularily… ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2000, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/57 "2000-05-20T17:06:15Z")
Fearless Leader Returns! WallyM7- That’s some nice rules. We might want to branch out into Sparky, acid pools, man-eating gorrillas, phiranas, etc. so we can continue to gouge our population, like the WWF does. Stupid American entertainment! TopazAntares- The muse is being sent FedEx. She should arrive soon. Your poem on the rain is good, seeing as we get it about 364 days a year. Beautiful poem. Connor- That’s some nice hijacking. Thanks for the meaning. I will send you helper monkeys trained in rage, they will await your use. Arnold Winkelreid- Well, what I meant was GOLD boullion, so I don’t think they will be able to drink that. Yet. Our labs are working on it right now. however, at Suo Na’s suggestion(see below) I have ordered 114 kegs of the finest in beer. Our labratories have already made them immune to drunkenness, so make sure they don’t drink it too fast. Suo Na- I have not thought about the rest of Vancouver, just the island. It is perfect for the utopian society we are crafting. However, the Fogg’n’Suds has ceded their bar to us, as long as we still pay, don’t rough up other customers, clean up after the helper monkeys, etc. aha- That’s some nice proclaimin’. Keep up the good work! xenophon41- Thank you for putting all of our just proclamations into one nice, easy-to-read package, like Reader’s Digest. You will get another helper monkey. Viva Vancouver!(in the good, revolutionary way) ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2000, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/58 "2000-05-20T18:05:45Z")
Fearless Leader, we are most grateful for the offer of gold bouillon (not bullion) for refreshment of the troops. We eagerly await the results of the scientists work. The Overlord High Exchequer of the Mint, Purveyer of Boullion, And Justice Bringer to All That Oppose The Official Banking System of The Republic of Vancouver (aka WallyM7) has unequivocally stated: _The Ballet Troops have priority over everything._ I heartily concur with his sentiment, and further propose that the Speaker of the Nonexistent House of The Republic of Vancouver (aka xenophon41) enact this policy into law immediately. Thank you, Overlord High Exchequer, for your prompt attention to the matter of the salaries of the Ballet Troops. The suffering incurred by the serfs will be amply compensated by the knowledge that the country is secure from invasion. Speaking of the Speaker, the following law has been enacted: _The Conservation of Art Compromise which allows for either Brilliant Poetry & Woefully Inadequate Ballet or for Execrable Poetry and Scintillating Dance, but never for both Brilliant and Scintillating or both Woeful and Execrable at the same time._ I fear for our mental well-being if this law remains on the books! The ballet troops are being trained to a pitch of perfection previously unknown to humankind. They will be incapable of anything less than Scintillating Dance. Does this mean that the country will be forever condemned to Execrable Poetry? [cattily] Not that the efforts so far produced by the Commisar of Internal Coffee Emporiums of The Republic of Vancouver (aka TopazAntares) have convinced me that we would ever see anything **but** execrable poetry. [/cattily] Of course, this is the fault of the Official National Scapegoat And Blame-bag of The Republic of Vancouver (aka Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor). Let me suggest to our national scapegoat that if our Commisar of Internal Coffee Emporiums would happen to meet with an unfortunate “accident”, perhaps then we would be spared much suffering. I of course would volunteer to take over the position. (My soul longs to sing and celebrate our nation in pentameter and hexameter.) * * * General of the Ballet Troopers of The Republic of Vancouver ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2000, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806/59 "2000-05-20T18:58:17Z")
Hear Ye! We announce the **Repeal of the Conservation of Art Compromise** , in favor of the slightly more restrictive: **Conservation of Art and Combat Skills Reform Act** \ ***Pursuant to the Acts Herein, shall be permitted within the Borders of the Republic the following Conditions, with no Waiver or Release except in times of National Emergency, Fire, Flood, acts of Piracy etc. ad. finitum:** Brilliant poetry, scintillating dance and high degrees of military competence except that [list=a][li]not the three conditions together[_]any two may exist concurrently[_]no two may be nonextant at the same point in time[_]no mention shall be made of dance while fighting, poetry while speaking, fighting while walking, or malted milk At Any Time, except during the drinking or preparation thereof._[/list=a][/li] (All Articles of Reform subject to revision by Deus ex Machina.)(Or Cecil Adams) _Everything not forbidden is compulsory…_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/positions-in-my-new-world-government/19806.md?page=2)