# Possible ways Lucas will screw up Episode Three: **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 1, 2002, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822 "2002-06-01T00:58:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/41 "2002-06-05T03:33:40Z")
What they should do is have a guest appearance by the USS Enterprise. It could blow up a Star Destroyer, and then a Giant Cosmic SPOOFE[sup]TM[/sup] could destroy everything out of sheer contempt. THAT would be a movie. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/42 "2002-06-05T04:32:15Z")
> [@](#): > > * * * > > ## “Upon closer inspection, these are loafers.” > > HAH HAH HAH! > > “From up here, they appear to be tied, but I will go in for a closer look.” Ok, I can’t stand it. Where is this quote from? ---
**Author:** ![JSexton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/43 "2002-06-05T04:51:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by flodnak \* > \*\* Details, details. > > Okay, so Lucas introduces Chewy and his son, Chewy Jr. The costumes from the Christmas special must be lying around someplace. 😃 \*\* Lumpy was his son from the Christmas special. Itchy was his father. I wish I were kidding. Justin ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/44 "2002-06-05T05:45:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pepperlandgirl \* > \*\*Ok, I can’t stand it. Where is this quote from? \*\* The Simpsons episode with the Critic crossover. Rainier “McBain” Wolfcastle was on Jay Sherman’s show, and Jay insulted him, but he didn’t realize until the next day, when he comes after Jay. Jay tells him his shoes are untied. “From up here, they appear to be tied, but I will go in for a closer look.” Jay hops in a cab, day turns to night, and “Upon closer inspection, these are loafers.” ---
**Author:** ![Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linus_Van_Pelt)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/45 "2002-06-05T06:38:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bryan Ekers \* > **[ul][li]A young Han Solo appears and gets into a Super Soaker fight with an equally young Greedo. Greedo shoots first.[/li]** And misses. From two feet away. [li]After getting it wrong for years, the Emperor passes an edict declaring that a parsec is a unit of time. He doesn’t care which one.[/li][li]Chewie is introduced as Luke and Leia’s nanny.[/li][li]Chewie is also revealed to be the grandfather of the Ewoks. All of them.[/li][li]Biggs and Wedge are orphans left on Jar Jar’s doorstep. Jar Jar sends them to Tatooine on a rocket moments before Naboo is destoyed by the Emperor testing the Death Star’s main weapon.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/46 "2002-06-05T06:53:34Z")
At the coronation of the new Emperor, Palpatine the 1st, I give you, the all singing, all dancing, gungan chorus line! Take it away boys! ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/47 "2002-06-05T06:54:34Z")
> [@](#): > > Chewie is also revealed to be the grandfather of the Ewoks. All of them. Better yet: Chewie is revealed to _be_ an ewok, and all his appearances in the first three movies are re-edited with CG to make him three feet tall. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/48 "2002-06-05T07:40:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MEBuckner \* > \*\*3. It is revealed that, as a result of a rift in the space-time continuum, Greedo actually fired before Han Solo was even born. > \*\* Ok, I’m going to take alot of shit for saying this if anyone remembers a certain past thread of mine, but I just have to say that this is _THE_ single funniest thing I have ever read on the boards. Now, as to not be a total hypocrite, I’ll add my own _Ways for Lucas to screw up Episode III:_ -Lucas is fed up with puny actors and decides to make the _entire film_ computer generated. -Amidala meets some guy at a night club and the whole “I am your father” thing turns out to be just a joke to mess with Luke’s head. -Jar Jar gets a lightsaber. ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/49 "2002-06-05T10:05:37Z")
> [@](#): > > -Jar Jar gets a lightsaber. No no no no. There are _so_ many potential ways this could turn out to be good. ---
**Author:** ![Summers\_Son](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@Summers\_Son](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Summers_Son)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/50 "2002-06-05T14:09:38Z")
-Jar Jar defeats yoda in a fair one on one fight with a lightsaber. Yoda is forced to surrender to the might of Binks, and has to retreat to some swampy old planet. Jar Jar then takes control of the Jedi resulting in all their deaths… ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/51 "2002-06-05T16:47:31Z")
And now for something completely different. Here’s my non-joking opinion on how Lucas will screw up Episode Three. Back before _Phantom Menace_ was released, I posted that Lucas was facing a problem. Since he announced there would not be a third concluding trilogy, he is going to release the third chapter of his saga chronologically last. Now we’ve all seen _Star Wars_ and we know how what is now the fourth chapter begins; the Jedis are destroyed, Darth Vader and the Emperor rule the universe, Luke’s mother is dead, and things are rotten. And in order to start from there, Lucas will have to end his next movie at the lowest possible point. The final release of Lucas’ saga should basically be a two hour spectacular of watching everything good be crushed and all the heroes defeated. Now my guess is that when Lucas is actually staring down the barrel, he’s going to flinch. He can say whatever he wants about this being the third chapter, but in the real world this is the last movie and he’s not going to want to end it on a downer. In my opinion, Lucas is going to screw up episode three and the series as a whole by trying to retroactively rewrite his own history. He’s going to muck up the plotline of the series so that his last movie will somehow have a happy ending. ---
**Author:** ![Threadkiller](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aca169/32.png) [@Threadkiller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Threadkiller)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/52 "2002-06-05T18:36:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Little Nemo \* > …He’s going to muck up the plotline of the series so that his last movie will somehow have a happy ending. My guess is that he _will_ have a happy ending. ESB, while the darkest of the bunch so far, still had (most of) the good guys getting away at the end. I’m guessing that things will look _really_ bad for everyone then Luke, Leia, Obi Wan and Yoda all improbably make it out. Of course since we know how it’s all suppose to end the cliffhanger is a bit less suspenseful. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/53 "2002-06-05T20:09:01Z")
STAR WARS EPISODE III a Roger Corman production directed by Joel Schumacher story by George Lucas written by George Lucas and Stephen Ratliffe starring Ahmed Best as Jar-Jar Binks with Kevin Costner as Obi-Wan Kenobi Wil Wheaton as Anakin Skywalker Pamela Anderson Lee as Senator Amidala Michael Jackson as Mace Windu Ariana Richards as Captain Marisa Picard Charleton Heston as the voice of Yoda Harvey Fierstein as the voice of Darth Vader Hugh Grant as C-3PO featuring the music of Mariah Carey, Puff Daddy, Oingo Boingo, Barenaked Ladies, and Public Enemy. Soundtrack available on CBS records. And, of course, the opening crawl… “A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there lived a race of people, the DRUIDS. No one knows who they were, or what they were doing. But their legacy remains, hewn into the living rock, of STONEHENGE.” ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/54 "2002-06-05T20:49:32Z")
Geez **Fish** , whatever you are on, please share it with the rest of us. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2002, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/55 "2002-06-06T04:10:36Z")
Fish; you forgot the title: _Episode III, Zombies of the Stratosphere_ ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2002, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/56 "2002-06-17T21:39:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*Lucas then sells pencils on the streetcorner for the next 20 years; & the final 3 episodes are directed by William Shatner with himself cast as Jedi-In-Chief. \*\* [Shatner] MUST…KILL…VADER… [/shatner] A little crossover might be fun, I think Georke Takei (Sulu) would make a great imperial officer, maybe a star destroyer captain. ---
**Author:** ![majinborg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/db5fbb/32.png) [@majinborg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/majinborg)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2002, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/57 "2002-06-17T22:25:55Z")
Very simple: by making the movie, having someone else make the movie, or by not preventing the making of the movie any way he can. **majinborg** to _Enterprise_, one to beam out. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/58 "2002-06-19T17:11:12Z")
Can’t believe no one’s thought of this: _Star Wars Episode III: Birth of an Empire_ Screenplay by: Joe Eszterhas Directed by: Paul Verhoeven ---
**Author:** ![Dieter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@Dieter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dieter)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2002, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/59 "2002-06-20T06:46:11Z")
I think the only thing that will save Episode 3 is to have a silhouette of Joel, Tom Servo and Crow in the foreground. ---
**Author:** ![Dieter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@Dieter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dieter)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2002, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822/60 "2002-06-20T06:48:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fish \* > \*\* > And, of course, the opening crawl… > > “A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there lived a race of people, the DRUIDS. No one knows who they were, or what they were doing. But their legacy remains, hewn into the living rock, of STONEHENGE.” \*\* Bloody hell Fish. You got me on that one. LOL! I only WISH they would put something like that in. THAT, I would pay for. 🙂 Too funny. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/possible-ways-lucas-will-screw-up-episode-three/111822.md?page=4)