# Post a punchline **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 14, 2009, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432 "2009-05-14T17:58:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/61 "2009-05-15T01:31:20Z")
“Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/62 "2009-05-15T02:02:39Z")
“This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.” “And, gosh, we had to give you extra credit for doing it all through the muffler.” “Answer : Three. One to screw in the lightbulb, one to complain about the violation of the socket, and one to secretly wish she was the socket.” "The other women ask her what’s wrong; she replies, ’ I’m gonna have puppies!’ " "The parrot replies, ‘The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus.’ " “We aren’t God; we just borrowed his ‘smite’ button.” “Then the Ewok High Command orchestrates a counter-offensive that drives into Mordor and ends with Sauron’s helm beneath the Ewok moccasin.” "Borg Drone : ‘Sex is…is…um, I mean, yeah let’s go.’ " ---
**Author:** ![JpnDude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/838e76/32.png) [@JpnDude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JpnDude)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/63 "2009-05-15T02:11:19Z")
I showed it my cock. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/64 "2009-05-15T02:20:26Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > “Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.” Abscess makes the fart go [Honda](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=10969051&postcount=40) ---
**Author:** ![Punoqllads](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@Punoqllads](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Punoqllads)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/65 "2009-05-15T03:08:08Z")
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo. ---
**Author:** ![Daffyd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daffyd/32/8923_2.png) [@Daffyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daffyd)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/66 "2009-05-15T03:11:04Z")
I can’t tell you - Code of Ethics\* \*that’s the punchline, not some snarky response to the thread. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/67 "2009-05-15T03:35:00Z")
That’s a big word for a six year old. There’s twenty of them!!! Oh, they fired her too. ## One’s a cunning array of stunts… SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/68 "2009-05-15T03:36:52Z")
“Hey, lady! Your sign fell down!” “Yeast is yeast, and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet.” “A super-callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.” “I thought you said King Kong balls!” “Vinegar and water.” “Thalidomide. I just can’t get these damned sleeves to come out right.” ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/69 "2009-05-15T04:20:48Z")
They were up a peak without a Craddle. ---
**Author:** ![Tenebras](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/977dab/32.png) [@Tenebras](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenebras)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/70 "2009-05-15T05:22:52Z")
And the string says, “No, bartender, I’m a different string, altogether.” And then the mushroom says “But I’m a really cool guy!” So the pirate says “Arr, it’s driving me crazy!” ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/71 "2009-05-15T10:29:44Z")
The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?” ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/72 "2009-05-15T11:30:07Z")
“Hay, bartender!” ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/73 "2009-05-15T12:16:28Z")
A good start. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/74 "2009-05-15T12:16:35Z")
I’ll have a coke, then. See, it’s working already ! Whatever God wants, God keeps. Follow the yellow dick toad. Two in the front, two in the back, the rest in the ashtray Consider a spherical sheep. One misses to the left, one misses to the right, and the third calls it a statistical hit. …holding a black-eyed rabbit that yells “OK, OK, no more, I’m a bear !” The gun was empty, I had to beat her to death with the chair. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/75 "2009-05-15T13:13:49Z")
> [@Tenebras](#): > > And the string says, “No, bartender, I’m a different string, altogether.” > > And then the mushroom says “But I’m a really cool guy!” > > So the pirate says “Arr, it’s driving me crazy!” Excellent! 😃 …and the father replies, “With Franz like this, who needs anemones?” “I’m not putting my cock in there; just look what it did to your panties!” _slurp_ ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/76 "2009-05-15T13:20:33Z")
“I told that old fool to put it in the basement!” “If you don’t meet our demands, we’ll start releasing them one by one!” A: Cut the rope. A: A good start. A: Not enough concrete. A: The bucket. A: To keep the foreskin from crawling over their heads. A: He gets taller. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/77 "2009-05-15T13:30:47Z")
“Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids.” “What do you call the other one?” “The Czech is in the male.” ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/78 "2009-05-15T13:41:31Z")
“Then she farted and flew out the window.” ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/79 "2009-05-15T13:54:36Z")
If you can convince my wife I was going to Milk that cow, I’ll buy a tractor. ---
**Author:** ![LightWithoutHeattttttttttttttt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc8723/32.png) [@LightWithoutHeattttttttttttttt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LightWithoutHeattttttttttttttt)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/80 "2009-05-15T14:23:12Z")
So the guy says “No thanks, but I will take 10 feet of that fence you have back there”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432.md?page=5)