# Post a punchline **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 14, 2009, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432 "2009-05-14T17:58:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![LightWithoutHeattttttttttttttt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc8723/32.png) [@LightWithoutHeattttttttttttttt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LightWithoutHeattttttttttttttt)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/81 "2009-05-15T14:28:43Z")
So the woman replied, “I thought you said OREL HERSHISER”. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/82 "2009-05-15T14:41:01Z")
Ja, und ze fokker vas flying a Messerschmitt. Not bad, und how’s your pecker? Lady, those bags under your eyes are called tits, and if you keep tightening the screw, pretty soon you’ll have a beard. ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/83 "2009-05-15T15:37:00Z")
“Me checkum for bees first.” “Nice tits, Sister. So where do you want these blinds?” “I’ll keep an eye out for you.” “Your Grace, whoever sold you that camera must have seen you coming.” So the Pope turns to the cardinal and whispers, “Just how ironclad is our deal with Butternut?” The other inmate shakes his head and says, “Some people just can’t tell a joke.” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/84 "2009-05-15T15:42:15Z")
> [@palindromemordnilap](#): > > The other inmate shakes his head and says, “Some people just can’t tell a joke.” Followed up by: “That’s hilarious! I’ve never heard that one before!” ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/85 "2009-05-15T15:48:24Z")
“Make me one with everything.” “Change can only come from within.” “Can I have an ice cream koan?” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/86 "2009-05-15T15:53:49Z")
“Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?” ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/87 "2009-05-15T15:55:30Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > “We aren’t God; we just borrowed his ‘smite’ button.” > > “Then the Ewok High Command orchestrates a counter-offensive that drives into Mordor and ends with Sauron’s helm beneath the Ewok moccasin.” Please, please tell me the rest of them? I’ve never heard them before. ---
**Author:** ![Shark\_Sandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Shark\_Sandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark_Sandwich)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/88 "2009-05-15T16:01:34Z")
“I’ll do the blow job, but I’m not swallowing any sea men.” ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/89 "2009-05-15T16:12:55Z")
No, that’s only mayonnaise. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/90 "2009-05-15T16:18:45Z")
“It’s a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.” The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides. “About ten gallons.” ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/91 "2009-05-15T17:08:26Z")
“Okay, now–where’s that woman I gotta kill?” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/92 "2009-05-15T17:14:39Z")
“Call the morgue and have them send over another stiff. This one’s full.” ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/93 "2009-05-15T17:47:53Z")
“Hit the ball, drag Harry…Hit the ball, drag Harry…” ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/94 "2009-05-15T17:50:35Z")
“Death by Ru-ru!” “Hey, hey, hey, guess I’m gonna stay, can’t get back up the chimney this way.” “Don’t tell me you have a set of golf clubs in that wet suit!” “Crunchbird? Crunchbird my ass!” “Peter…I can see your house from here.” ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/95 "2009-05-15T18:12:43Z")
And why do you ask these questions, Two Dogs Fucking? ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/96 "2009-05-15T18:15:29Z")
> [@palindromemordnilap](#): > > “Crunchbird? Crunchbird my ass!” I have no way to know, but I’m guessing that’s a version of the joke I know with the punchline “Automatic vibrator, my ass!” ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/97 "2009-05-15T18:30:01Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > I have no way to know, but I’m guessing that’s a version of the joke I know with the punchline “Automatic vibrator, my ass!” Everyone knows the joke by a different name (same with the “Ru-ru” joke) but I have to say, your variation gives it a whole new twist. ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/98 "2009-05-15T18:43:25Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > “What I meant was, the men just ride the mule into town and get a woman, General.” Some of these are funnier by themselves than I think the whole joke would be. ---
**Author:** ![sich\_hinaufwinden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@sich\_hinaufwinden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sich_hinaufwinden)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/99 "2009-05-15T19:01:49Z")
The moron Tab and apple choir. It was okay, but she wouldn’t quit playing with my ears. A frog in a blender. Because if they had four doors they’d be chicken sedans. A stick. ---
**Author:** ![horsetech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dec6dc/32.png) [@horsetech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/horsetech)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/100 "2009-05-15T19:05:25Z")
> [@Tenebras](#): > > So the pirate says “Arr, it’s driving me crazy!” I heard it as, “Arr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!” (a double entendre) The next day, the newspaper headlines read, “Small Medium at Large”. A stick. (oops, sich\_hinaufwinden beat me to it) Is the bartender here? Hellafino. One. He just holds the bulb and the world rotates around him. We’ve come to ferry Caesar, not to graze him. None, it’s full of elephants. A mouse going on vacation. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432.md?page=6)