# Post a punchline **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 14, 2009, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432 "2009-05-14T17:58:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/101 "2009-05-15T19:12:46Z")
Two. The problem is getting them inside the lightbulb. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/102 "2009-05-15T19:17:13Z")
“The good news is, I’m kidding you. She died.” ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/103 "2009-05-15T19:24:37Z")
Beethoven’s First Movement. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/104 "2009-05-15T19:29:33Z")
“He’s a rootin’, tootin’, Haifa-lootin’, son of a goon from Ari’s sauna – Racktime Carboy Joe!” “Do you really think I’d ask a genie for a ten-inch pianist?” > [@winterhawk11](#): > > Beethoven’s First Movement. “I’m decomposing.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/105 "2009-05-15T19:29:48Z")
“And if he finds his way home, don’t fuck him!” “Don’t matter none. Only gonna be you and me there anyway.” “I know. It’s the cobblestones.” “What do you mean ‘We,’ white man?” “OK, he’s dead. What should I do next?” “I put the check in his breast pocket.” “Lemme see that map again.” He opened the door, and there were the sheep, the cow and the goat. “There must be… 57 tits up there!” Her son’s dick tastes different. “It’s always about the money with you Jews, isn’t it?” “Jenkins, you switch with Smith. Smith, you switch with Rodgers…” Ptui. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/106 "2009-05-15T19:31:35Z")
“A pig like this you don’t eat all at once.” “His penis tastes bitter.” ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/107 "2009-05-15T19:47:09Z")
- NOT A PUNCHLINE: this is cruel. I’m dying to know the jokes attached to some of these! It doesn’t do anything. That’s the beauty of it! A nun has hope in her soul. I know this one and I love it: Mooo. and many more. This is just mean! Here’s mine, from my favorite joke of the last 5 years: “Of course you don’t know, man, you weren’t THERE!” ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/108 "2009-05-15T19:59:24Z")
“No, we should walk down there and fuck’em all”. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/109 "2009-05-15T20:05:32Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > A nun has hope in her soul. I can’t tell you. You’re not a monk. Actually, I’m not sure what the joke is, but it’s something like “What’s the difference between a woman taking a bath and a nun?” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/110 "2009-05-15T20:39:20Z")
> [@UncleRojelio](#): > > “No, we should walk down there and fuck’em all”. “I just want to make sure that he knows that _I’m_ a bull.” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/111 "2009-05-15T20:50:55Z")
And, hell, as long as I’m posting Jerry Clower’s material: “Mama don’t want you messin’ with the deal _she’s_ got!” “Standard Oil does it, and they make _millions_!” “Just shoot up in here amongst us. One of us has got to have some relief.” “If there’s one thing that monkey hates more than a raccoon, it’s a lyin’ coon dog!” “The first thing I’m gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that truck!” ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/112 "2009-05-16T01:59:34Z")
The dog’s a fucking liar. He was in the National Guard. An Erection!!! That’s the third gay chicken I bought this month. “Know it, I wrote the mutherfucker!!!”–This is my favorite joke to tell. * * * SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/113 "2009-05-16T02:02:17Z")
Bring me my brown pants! A pilot, you racist. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/114 "2009-05-16T04:41:22Z")
“Dam!” ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/115 "2009-05-16T11:49:27Z")
The old farmer shrugs and replies, “Be my guest. The hens are out back.” ---
**Author:** ![Walpurgis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Walpurgis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walpurgis)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/116 "2009-05-16T16:12:03Z")
Ghoulash! ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/117 "2009-05-16T18:30:39Z")
He orders a beer and a mop. “At these prices I’m not surprised.” “I think not.” and he vanishes. “What is this, some kind of joke?” ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432/118 "2009-05-17T15:47:13Z")
Some Jewish ones: “That’s the one I don’t go to.” “Kill it? I circumcised it.” “My father was a _kohen_, my grandfather was a _kohen_, and I want to be a _kohen_, too!” “It was my dairy tomahawk.” “So what other parts of the matza do you people eat?” “Okay, then. So Chang and Ling were going to Ling’s nephew’s bar mitzva…” “The doctor is three, and the lawyer is two.” “Tell you? I’m telling everyone!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-a-punchline/496432.md?page=5)