# Post disrespectful summaries of well-regarded works you don't like **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 8, 2009, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076 "2009-06-08T07:04:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Miss\_Woodhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@Miss\_Woodhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Woodhouse)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/41 "2009-06-09T15:39:07Z")
> [@](#): > > Or else… what, exactly? Are you going to talk at me for 37 pages about the arrangements for the dance and why Man X absolutely must be invited? Yeah, I’m scared. Nah, I’ll just make you read Hardy. ---
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/42 "2009-06-09T16:18:08Z")
Walden: Guy builds a shack by a pond, moves in and writes a blog filled with cliches. (Of course, they weren’t such cliches at the time, but…) ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/43 "2009-06-09T16:29:31Z")
> [@bup](#): > > Moral: Witches lie. Witches aren’t even real. Meta-moral: If your King is interested in witches, it’s a good idea to give him a story with witches. Making his ancestor in the story look good is always good, too. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/44 "2009-06-09T16:37:44Z")
_The Fountainhead:_ This guy designs buildings that nobody wants, so he gets a minimum-wage job and he meets a chick and rapes her (but she really wants him to). Then he meets this other guy who owns, like, \*The Enquirer, \*(and who I think is gay for the first guy) who marries the chick who was raped. Then the first guy blows up his buildings, and the \*Enquirer \*guy shoots himself. Then the chick marries the first guy. ---
**Author:** ![Elyanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b5ac83/32.png) [@Elyanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elyanna)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/45 "2009-06-09T16:39:56Z")
> [@ianzin](#): > > a true masterpiece like ‘Wuthering Heights’. _Wuthering Heights_: Because Necrophilia and pseudo-Incest is Great Literature, _mmkay_. ---
**Author:** ![Indyellen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/indyellen/32/4176_2.png) [@Indyellen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indyellen)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/46 "2009-06-09T16:45:02Z")
Forest Gump: Developmentally challenged boy grows into developmentally challenged man who lucks into being part of most of the major politcosocial events of the 1960’s but still thinks life is like a box of chocolates. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/47 "2009-06-09T16:48:10Z")
_The Little Prince_: A heroic pilot is forced down in the desert and must repair his aircraft to save his life. He is hampered in this effort by heat and dehydration, which create a persistent hallucination about being visited by an alien with the typical bullshit hippie message about peace and love. Fortunately the pilot is able to escape in time. ---
**Author:** ![abcdefz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@abcdefz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abcdefz)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/48 "2009-06-09T16:49:12Z")
> [@bup](#): > > **Macbeth** > > Witches: You’ll be king! Until the woods move up to the castle! No man of woman born can kill you! > > Audience: So a woman could. Or a bear. Or lightning. Or a fall off a cliff. Or… > > Macbeth’s wife: Kill Duncan! > Macbeth: OK. > > Macduff: Hey - I have a great idea! Let’s carry these woods uphill to attack! > Macduff’s army: Why? > Macduff: It will conceal our number! > > Audience: _groans_ > > Macbeth: Is that ten guys, or five thousand? I can’t tell for the shrubbery! > Macduff: I’m gonna kill you! > Macbeth: Can’t. No man ‘of woman born’ can kill me. > Macduff: I was a c-section. > Macbeth/Audience: That totally counts! You couldn’t even bring some dogs to kill me/him? You suck! > > Macduff sticks Macbeth. > Macbeth: Total bullshit. _dies_ > > Moral: Witches lie. Witches aren’t even real. I still think it’s a good play, but that was nicely done. ---
**Author:** ![abcdefz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@abcdefz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abcdefz)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/49 "2009-06-09T16:50:59Z")
> [@Indyellen](#): > > Forest Gump: Developmentally challenged boy grows into developmentally challenged man who lucks into being part of most of the major politcosocial events of the 1960’s but still thinks life is like a box of chocolates. Yup. there’s more reasons why it’s horseshit, but that’s a good start. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/50 "2009-06-09T17:06:36Z")
Asimov’s _The Gods Themselves_: Heinlein puts weird sex into his books? OK, I’ll put weird aliens having weird sex in mine! ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/51 "2009-06-09T17:09:13Z")
> [@teela\_brown](#): > > Anything by Charles Bukowski: > > Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, vomit, drink, drink, vomit, sex with vomit-streaked drunk women, drink, diarrhea, drink, vomit, drink, drink, gamble, drink, diarrhea, drink, vomit. Or as I like to call it, Tuesday. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/52 "2009-06-09T17:21:47Z")
“The Chosen”, by Chaim Potok. > [@](#): > > Hi, I’m Reuven. I play baseball. Also, I’m Jewish, which means I have to _[Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap]_. > > So anyway, I met this dude named Danny. His dad, Reb Saunders, is a jerk, but he likes me because I know about Jewish crap, such as _[Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap]_. > > Reb Saunders doesn’t like my dad, though, because my dad doesn’t _[Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap]_, so eventually Reb won’t let Danny talk to me anymore. Obviously, Danny’s dad controls both of our lives, so we stop being friends. > > Then Danny goes to college, and I sit around being emo for two years because, hey, gotta fit characterization in somewhere. It’s all good, though, because eventually Reb decides that _[Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap]_, so it’s okay for us to be friends again because, as I mentioned, Danny’s dad controls both of our lives. > > _[Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap Jewish crap]_. > > The end. Y’know, Chaim, you could have just dropped the gold-leaf-thin pretense at narrative and written essentially the same book, called it I know a big honking fuckton about Jewish laws and practices, and here it is, now read it already!, and been done with the whole thing. Of course, if you’d done that, non-Jewish teenagers (and most of the Jewish ones, frankly) who couldn’t give less of a flying rat’s ass about any of this wouldn’t be forced to study your manifesto in high schools around the world, so well played to you, I suppose. Still hated it, though. ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/53 "2009-06-09T17:28:07Z")
_Most David Lynch movies:_ **Lynch:** Here’s some random crap, here’s some more random crap, now let’s have some dude hallucinate random crap, and, what the hell, let’s add a twist ending made out of random crap any stoner could come up with while high. **Audience:** My word! I couldn’t understand a thing! This man is probably a genius beyond my intellectual capailities! Let’s worship him! Durrrrr… ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/54 "2009-06-09T17:41:17Z")
> [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > **Truman Show** > > Some guy’s whole life is a tv show, he figures it out and he leaves for the real world where a surely much more interesting movie would be taking place had they bothered to show us that. No one figured out the _The Truman Show_ was just a cover for _The Christof Show_. There was even a bigger dome outside of Truman’s dome, containing the unwitting crew and director, who thought they were filming Truman, but in fact were being filmed. And then outside of THAT dome… ---
**Author:** ![Kyyrewyyoae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Kyyrewyyoae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyyrewyyoae)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/55 "2009-06-10T00:02:35Z")
A young Indian man grows disheartened with the particular brand of pantheistic horseshit into which he was born. He wanders around the country sampling other types, deciding finally that he should just worship the river. Brought to you by the the son of German Protestant Missionaries. ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/56 "2009-06-10T00:35:14Z")
> [@Kyyrewyyoae](#): > > A young Indian man grows disheartened with the particular brand of pantheistic horseshit into which he was born. He wanders around the country sampling other types, deciding finally that he should just worship the river. Brought to you by the the son of German Protestant Missionaries. You got a problem with people worshiping rivers? Huh? Do ya? Wanna make something of it? ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/57 "2009-06-10T00:39:24Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Or as I like to call it, Tuesday. :D:D:D:D:D:D I was thinking Saturday night, but Tuesday works! ---
**Author:** ![Kyyrewyyoae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Kyyrewyyoae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyyrewyyoae)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/58 "2009-06-10T00:41:35Z")
> [@chacoguy420](#): > > You got a problem with people worshiping rivers? > > Huh? Do ya? > > Wanna make something of it? Nah, do it all you want. But I better not catch you writing a book about it… ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/59 "2009-06-10T01:43:02Z")
There’s a nice collection of them in [ShrinkLits](http://www.amazon.com/ShrinkLits-Seventy-Worlds-Towering-Classics/dp/0894800795/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244596903&sr=1-1). I remember the one about Beowulf that began: “Monster Grendel’s tastes are plain-ish. Breakfast? Just a couple Danish.” 😃 I once described Gone with the Wind as an un-watchable movie about an unpleasant, egotistical, heartless, social-climbing bitch who stepped on _everyone_ to get her way. Then my sister-in-law hit me. So I guess I’m in a slim minority about that particular flick. 😉 One more: Woody Allen’s “Hannah and her Sisters”. Don’t get me wrong, I like Woody’s movies - and not just the early, funny ones. But this one had no characters that were likable or even interesting, and no plot to speak of. It was one of two or three times I walked out of a theater. It was boring, and after 30 minutes that felt like 300, **Mama Zappa** and I just gave up. At the time practically everyone else we knew loved this movie. 😕 It was like being surrounded by pod people. I felt much better when my grandmother said she didn’t like it. She loved “Annie Hall”, so she was not opposed to Woody, just bad movies. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076/60 "2009-06-10T02:19:39Z")
> [@Kyyrewyyoae](#): > > A young Indian man grows disheartened with the particular brand of pantheistic horseshit into which he was born. He wanders around the country sampling other types, deciding finally that he should just worship the river. Brought to you by the the son of German Protestant Missionaries. I had to read that in HS. I’d forgotten about it. I don’t know if I should thank you or curse you for reminding me of that book. Re: _The Little Prince_… well, he was killed by a snake (hallucination?), so it’s not like the pilot consciously escaped. My contribution: _Old Man and the Sea_ This guy catches a certain fish… that attracts other bigger fish. Instead of trying to get some of the bigger fish for himself, or lure them, he fights off the bigger fish. That eventually get his catch. He returns home with the remains. Everyone is impressed by his accomplisment, but doesn’t seem that the old man will get anything out of it. And _White Elephant Hills_ (or a similar title)… The abortion debate is never out of style and is neverending. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-disrespectful-summaries-of-well-regarded-works-you-dont-like/499076.md?page=4)