# Post to the Dope from Middle-Earth **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 22, 2008, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707 "2008-09-22T17:45:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/1 "2008-09-22T17:45:49Z")
There is a complete lack of Tolkien-related threads in CS. Clearly this is unacceptable, and I will be raining flaming mongooses on the persons or persons responsible for this shocking oversight (i.e., **Qadgop** , **What Exit?** **Elendil’s Heir** , and myself\*). But the important thing isn’t punishment; that’s just the fun part. The important thing is starting a thread. To wit: Post to the Dope from Middle-Earth. Or even Numenor or the Undying Lands; I’m not picky. \*Except that since I’m obviously not going to loose a plague on MYSELF, somebody’s gonna get it twice. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/2 "2008-09-22T18:02:51Z")
There isn’t too much good news here. There are two morals to my story: don’t fall for your cousin, and Tuor is a fucking jerk. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/3 "2008-09-22T18:14:38Z")
amin delotha lasse pusta “fenume”. kotumo! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/4 "2008-09-22T18:20:53Z")
Yeah, just ignore me, what do I know about Middle-Earth that would warrant making even fifth place on your list? :rolleyes: Off to take my birthday present and sulk in this nice cool cave complete with well-stocked underground lake… don’t expect me back in a hurry. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/5 "2008-09-22T18:21:20Z")
Here’s a [Middle-Earth](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=484150) thread (in the Game Room). The party have just left the Druadan Forest after a tribal ceremony with the Woses, and are heading for Rivendell. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/6 "2008-09-22T18:22:00Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > amin delotha lasse pusta “fenume”. > > kotumo! I am reporting your post to the King’s Men. You KNOW Quenya is forbidden on this island!! Back to the thread topic: Does anybody know what the deal is with all that black smoke coming from that new temple to Melkor? It’s really screwing with my garden; all my athelas has withered away, and that seedling of Celeborn I’ve been trying to graft to the pear tree in my back yard has died completely. ☹ I don’t want to bother the King with this, though; one of my cousins went to file a complaint about the property tax increases since Sauron was paroled, and no one’s heard from him since. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/7 "2008-09-22T18:23:37Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Yeah, just ignore me, what do I know about Middle-Earth that would warrant making even fifth place on your list? :rolleyes: > > Off to take my birthday present and sulk in this nice cool cave complete with well-stocked underground lake… don’t expect me back in a hurry. If I go ahead and rain flaming mongooses on you, will you stop pouting? Also, that is MY birthday gift. YOUR birthday was left month. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/8 "2008-09-22T18:38:24Z")
So, anybody know which door Baggins’ treasure is behind? :sounds of furious looting: ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/9 "2008-09-22T18:54:59Z")
**Urban Legends: Dragons, Elves and Walking Trees** There’s this guy I know at my local pub who’s always going on and on about dragons, elves and walking trees. These things don’t really exist, do they? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/10 "2008-09-22T19:02:47Z")
Post from Middle-Earth; gotcha covered! ---
**Author:** ![lexi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lexi/32/6806_2.png) [@lexi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lexi)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/11 "2008-09-22T19:11:13Z")
Is it just me, or do woodland elves just rude? I have one as a neighbour, you see, and although most of the time, I don’t have a problem, yesterday I went to visit Eolidir, and he had the audacity to ask me to take off my shoes! I mean, what is with someone wanting you to take off your shoes? I wasn’t wearing nice socks and I didn’t want to, but what if I had a prosthetic with the shoe attached? What kind of manners are those? Am I out of line for telling Eolidir to take a leap into a deep well? ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/12 "2008-09-22T19:30:17Z")
You know the real problem with Numenor? No stores. Yeah, yeah, Undying Lands, everything’s great- but there’s nowhere to pick up some pasta sauce or a couple of pounds of ground beef. No burger restaurants, either. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/13 "2008-09-22T19:35:52Z")
> [@Lissla\_Lissar](#): > > You know the real problem with Numenor? No stores. Yeah, yeah, Undying Lands, everything’s great- but there’s nowhere to pick up some pasta sauce or a couple of pounds of ground beef. > > No burger restaurants, either. I got bored in Gondolin, too, so I left it a smoking ruin. ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/14 "2008-09-22T19:41:49Z")
Man, I was just getting into a nice centuries-long nap after routing the dwarves and men, and making my bed out of piled-up gold and now there seems to be a draft and funny noises coming from that side entrance I never blocked up. I think a thief might have gotten in… ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/15 "2008-09-22T19:42:11Z")
> [@Lissla\_Lissar](#): > > So, anybody know which door Baggins’ treasure is behind? > > :sounds of furious looting: HEY!, i am trying to sleep here!. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/16 "2008-09-22T19:44:16Z")
To whom it may concern: FOUND: 1 ring. Gold, plain. Found in river. Most likely precious. To claim, come by my place, preferably on horseback, evenings. ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/17 "2008-09-22T19:47:29Z")
> [@Lissla\_Lissar](#): > > So, anybody know which door Baggins’ treasure is behind? > > :sounds of furious looting: Door? Do we look for some stupid Bracegirdles to you? You know it’s under the flagstones in the 3rd larder from the back; the one where all the seed-cakes are. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/18 "2008-09-22T19:53:02Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Yeah, just ignore me, what do I know about Middle-Earth that would warrant making even fifth place on your list? :rolleyes: > > Off to take my birthday present and sulk in this nice cool cave complete with well-stocked underground lake… don’t expect me back in a hurry. Hey, we know better – you have a hot date planned with Perelandra, complete with Hot [del]Monkey[/del] Oyarsan sex! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![WarmNPrickly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@WarmNPrickly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarmNPrickly)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/19 "2008-09-22T19:55:55Z")
You know how the Democrats promised to fund programs rehabing the Uruk Hai childeren of Mordor. It was all one big bloated government waste program. Mordor is still essentially a cesspool for the underclass. Next time the election comes around I’m totally voting for that occular dude breathed in flame. He’s got a plan for Mordor that just can’t fail. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2008, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707/20 "2008-09-22T19:58:21Z")
:: clears throat: Ahem! Know All Men, Elves, and Other Free Peoples By These Presents… That the Esgaroth-upon-the-Long-Lake and Dale Joint Air Quality Authority have adopted an Anti-Smaug Programme. ::: additional bureaucratic gobbledbygook ::: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-dope-from-middle-earth/464707.md?page=2)