# Post to the SDMB from onboard the starship ENTERPRISE **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 8, 2007, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263 "2007-05-08T16:08:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/1 "2007-05-08T16:08:51Z")
Any version is fine – the original, the A, the D or E. Or you can post from Deep Space Nine, or Starfleet Academy. Even, if you must, Voyager, though I think there’s a logical contradiction there. Just specify what series and what forum, and have at it. ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/2 "2007-05-08T16:54:25Z")
StarTrek:TNG The Holodeck is acting strange **again**! Why do you have this thing anyway? ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/3 "2007-05-08T17:00:34Z")
Do we die each time we transport? Who would win in a fight, us or an Imperial Dreadnought? There are four Ferengi words ending in DLQ what’s the fourth one? I just wanted to say hi to the Opalcats of Alpha Ceti 6. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/4 "2007-05-08T17:02:16Z")
ST:TNG+DS9 (IMHO or MPSIMS) What color is Worf’s anus? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/5 "2007-05-08T17:07:13Z")
**I Fuckin Pit Wesley Crusher** –This thread gets 3,742 responses in one hour, setting a new SDMB record ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/6 "2007-05-08T17:08:19Z")
[QUOTE=silenus] ST:TNG+DS9 (IMHO or MPSIMS) What color is Worf’s anus? [/QUOTE] Worf is so full of shit he cannot possibly have an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/7 "2007-05-08T17:11:03Z")
Captain Janeway, personal log, stardate 54113.9 For Earth’s Straight Dope BBQ Pit, circa 2012: I’ve grown weary of petty criticisms of my ship and my crew. May I just say, fuck you all. I’ve decided to harness a combination of Borg and Vidiian technologies to do a temporal transwarp that will allow us to remake our reputation, altering early 21st century perceptions. Some of you will no doubt cite the temporal prime directive, but we’ve learned from sources in the Delta Quadrant that it was a violation of that very directive that contributed to our inexplicable unpopularity. We’re just fixing what someone else broke. I never understood what people had against us anyway. I do know that there was rampant misogyny during that primitive time, and that may have been a part of it. But more likely, it was the ignorance and intellectual vapidity of a culture that voluntarily elected a dynasty of Bushes and Clintons to head its state and government. They prefered a C-list actor who couldn’t say more than three words at a time and a cue-ball tea sipper who got shaky knees every time a ship that happened by raised its shields. Just be aware that I could be tied to a warp core and still whip Kirk with one hand and Picard with the other. I don’t know what you people liked about those other shows. Was it that touchy-feely whore, Deana Troi? Believe me, Seven of Nine can do circles around her. You don’t like Neelix? Yeah, me neither. But at least I don’t have to put up with that blind-ass pussy, Geordi La Forge. My hologram doctor beats the shit out of Picard’s slutty nursemaid, not to mention the East German schoolmarm that subbed for her. I realize that Chakotay comes across as a pussy, but that’s just because I keep him dominated. At least he’s not a hot-headed dumbass like Riker. I got a feeling Riker was plugging Wesley anyway. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And don’t even get me started on Deep Shit Nine. What an idiotic concept. A space station just sits there. It’s like watching a stone gather moss. The only decent character on it was a Ferengi. And O’Brien? What a joke. A wipe-out in two series. Let’s not even mention Star Trek Afterthought I Mean Enterprise. Anyway, taunt all you like for the next few years, 'cause in 2012 it’s all gonna change. Janeway out. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/8 "2007-05-08T17:22:21Z")
Seen in Great Debates: > [@Cap Kirk](#): > > _Is!.. Circumcision… Necessary???_ > [@Bones](#): > > Damn it, Jim, I’m a doctor- not a mohel! > [@don'tcallmepointyears](#): > > This practice seems highly illogical > [@Fat Alba](#): > > Capn, ye kinna keep makin’ these one-trick pony circumcision posts! The servers kinna take the strain! ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/9 "2007-05-08T17:33:01Z")
_This was originally posted in **General Questions** , then moved by a moderator to **Cafe Society** :_ **Blood wine question** Which variety of blood wine do I serve with gagh? Qatlho’ in advance! _Shortly thereafter, this was posted in the **BBQ Pit** _: **I pit the miserable p’tahk who moved my thread to CS** ---
**Author:** ![athelas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@athelas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/athelas)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/10 "2007-05-08T17:50:29Z")
**Why are Ferengi so greedy?** Posted in GD, quickly devolving into a series of attacks on the OP for failing to recognize the essential worth of different cultures. Shortly thereafter, in the Pit, **I’m fucking sick of this casual speciesism** ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/11 "2007-05-08T18:17:07Z")
Do you know that **Q** lurks on the SDMB? ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/12 "2007-05-08T19:29:00Z")
Fuck **Q**! What a fuckwit. Why doesn’t he pony up the $14.95 and join? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/13 "2007-05-08T19:33:22Z")
[QUOTE=cochrane] Fuck **Q**! What a fuckwit. Why doesn’t he pony up the $14.95 and join? [/QUOTE] [junior mod tunic] **Cochrane** , this isn’t Pit. I don’t care if your great-great-whatever grandpa invented warp drive and made the entire Federation possible. That’s what HE did. YOU need to OBEY THE RULES. [/junior mod tunic] ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/14 "2007-05-08T19:36:06Z")
> [@Red Shirt](#): > > Oh, hell. Gotta go on a landing party. TTYL ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/15 "2007-05-08T19:42:47Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] Gotta go on a landing party. TTYL [/QUOTE] You lucky bastard! Isn’t that new Comm section chief – what’s her name, the chick from Kenya – commanding that team? Because I did a graveyard shift on the bridge last month, and I was totally transfixed by her legs and breasteseseseses. And yes, that was when I was at the helm and scraped the port nacelle against the walls of spacedock. And yes, that is why I’m an ensign again. Oh, fuck you guys. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/16 "2007-05-08T19:53:00Z")
[QUOTE=cochrane] Fuck **Q**! What a fuckwit. Why doesn’t he pony up the $14.95 and join? [/QUOTE] I reported this bad post. Take it to the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/17 "2007-05-08T19:53:28Z")
Posted by Redshirt098: “I know a lot of my compatriots in Security don’t come back from beam downs, but as long as we’ve got eye candy in tiny skirts like Rand and Uhura to look at things aren’t all bad.” ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/18 "2007-05-08T20:01:03Z")
[QUOTE=zamboniracer] Posted by Redshirt098: “I know a lot of my compatriots in Security don’t come back from beam downs, but as long as we’ve got eye candy in tiny skirts like Rand and Uhura to look at things aren’t all bad.” [/QUOTE] I have a hypothetical question about this post. If for some reason one suspected that a given poster might a senior officer ranking above Commander but below Commodore, and that poster was clearly inviolation of the sock puppet rule, whom would one report that poster to? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/19 "2007-05-08T20:05:33Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] I reported this bad post. Take it to the Pit. [/QUOTE] Don’t you mean the Neutral Zone? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2007, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263/20 "2007-05-08T20:18:43Z")
IMHO: A Poll: How many species have you attempted conjual relations with? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-to-the-sdmb-from-onboard-the-starship-enterprise/403263.md?page=2)