# Post you favorite Kurt Vonnegut quotes here. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 12, 2007, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873 "2007-04-12T22:45:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/1 "2007-04-12T22:45:41Z")
Kurt Vonnegut was about as quotable a writer as ever there was. I think his passing merits an appreciation thread for his best quotes. Post your favorites, be they funny, sad, cynical or profound. I’ll start with two. The first is from **God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater** which I think kind of distills his thinking and style: _Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies – ‘God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.’_ The second is from **God Bless You, Dr. Kervorkian** which I think is funny and which I think nails the psychology of scientists: _During my controlled near-death experiences, I’ve met Sir Isaac Newton, who died back in 1727 as often as I’ve met Saint Peter. They both hang out at the Heaven end of the blue tunnel of the Afterlife. Saint Peter is there because it’s his job. Sir Isaac is there because of his insatiable curiosity about what the blue tunnel is, how the blue tunnel works. It isn’t enough for Newton that during his eighty-five years on Earth he invented calculus, codified and quantified the laws of gravity, motion and optics, and designed the first reflecting telescope. He can’t forgive himself for having left it to Darwin to come up with the theory of evolution, to Pasteur to come up with the germ theory, and to Albert Einstein to come up with relativity. “I must have been deaf, dumb, and blind not to have come up with those myself,” he said to me. “What could have been more obvious?”_ Keep them coming. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/2 "2007-04-12T22:52:51Z")
“I was a victim of a series of accidents, as are we all.” (from _The Sirens of Titan_.) ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/3 "2007-04-12T22:56:27Z")
> [@](#): > > From the prologue to **Mother Night** , which KV identified as the only book he wrote he knew the meaning of, and it was this: > > \*We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be. \* Miscellaneous > [@](#): > > Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. > [@](#): > > Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith. I consider our capacity for it terrifying. > [@](#): > > If you really want to hurt your parents and you don’t have the nerve to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. I wish I were at home and had my books cause there are several I can’t google. In one he discusses his theory that Jesus’s comment to Judas “the poor you will have with you always” is one of the great misunderstood jokes in literature. He also discusses a fight in which his wife told him she no longer loved him and said (I’m paraphrasing) “and at that moment she didn’t and I knew and accepted that and it didn’t bother me because the time will come when she loves me again. I hope. Now if she had said she no longer respected me, we’d have divorced.” He goes on to say that he thinks Jesus’s adage to love your neighbor should read “respect your neighbor”, because the inability to love a stranger is natural and causes that verse to become dangerous. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/4 "2007-04-12T22:58:02Z")
And for some relatives and friends I’ve had over the years who’ve made me the callee: > [@](#): > > I have this disease late at night sometimes. It involves alchohol and a telephone. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/5 "2007-04-12T23:03:46Z")
“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful who we pretend to be.” And, of course: “If I were a younger man, I would write a history of human stupidity; and I would climb to the top of Mount McCabe and lie down on my back with my history for a pillow; and I would take from the ground some of the blue-white poison that makes statues of men; and I would make a statue of myself, lying on my back, grinning horribly, and thumbing my nose at You Know Who.” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/6 "2007-04-12T23:04:21Z")
Sorry for thread hogging- I’ll stop for a while after this one. It’s just KV rarely wrote a damned thing that wasn’t quotable. Bokonon’s final sentence (and the one that breaks Kurt’s injunction to forget about the existence of the semi-colon): _If I were a younger man, I would write a history of human stupidity; and I would climb to the top of Mount McCabe and lie down on my back with my history for a pillow; and I would take from the ground some of the blue-white poison that makes statues of men; and I would make a statue of myself, lying on my back, grinning horribly, and thumbing my nose at You Know Who._ ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/7 "2007-04-12T23:11:01Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] In one he discusses his theory that Jesus’s comment to Judas “the poor you will have with you always” is one of the great misunderstood jokes in literature. [/QUOTE] That’s from a sermon that can be found [here](http://www.uupetaluma.org/sermons/sermon13apr03.html) (scroll about halfway down the page). ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/8 "2007-04-12T23:15:50Z")
Thanks a lot, big brain! -_Galapogos_ I find myself saying that aloud often when I screw something up… ---
**Author:** ![myskepticsight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@myskepticsight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/myskepticsight)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/9 "2007-04-12T23:26:21Z")
I reread Slaughterhouse Five today. “[Billy] had a tremendous wang, incidentally. You never know who’ll get one.” That whole book is full of great lines. It was my first Vonnegut book years ago and I still love it. ---
**Author:** ![melondeca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@melondeca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melondeca)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/10 "2007-04-13T01:22:17Z")
“Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.” This quote absolutely delights because I am a 28 year old who writes part time for a living and I have no idea how to properly use a semicolon. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/11 "2007-04-13T01:53:16Z")
I wish I could remember which book of his I read this in, but the quote goes something like “Just because a person \*can \*reproduce, it doesn’t mean they _should_.” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/12 "2007-04-13T02:00:39Z")
[QUOTE=myskepticsight] “[Billy] had a tremendous wang, incidentally. You never know who’ll get one.” [/QUOTE] I wish I could remember the measurements of KV’s own wang in _Breakfast of Champions_- something like 3 inches long and 9 inches in circumference as memory serves (the only one from all the wang measurements in the book that wasn’t believable numbers). > [@](#): > > My daughter was briefly but regrettably married to Geraldo Rivera, a total and complete degenerate sleaze, but I don’t mean that politely. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/13 "2007-04-13T02:01:27Z")
“Take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. Take a flying fuck at the moon” _-Slapstick_ Used almost daily. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/14 "2007-04-13T02:35:14Z")
[QUOTE=MissTake] “Take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. Take a flying fuck at the moon” _-Slapstick_ Used almost daily. [/QUOTE] Those both predated Vonnegut. He was quoting. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/15 "2007-04-13T02:38:00Z")
“So it goes” — KV, a lot of places. “No damn cat and no damn cradle” —Newt Hoenikker, “Cat’s cradle” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/16 "2007-04-13T02:39:27Z")
_“ting A Ling You Son Of A Bitch!”_ ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/17 "2007-04-13T02:40:18Z")
His self-written epitaph: > [@](#): > > “If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph: The only proof he needed for the existence of God was music." ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/18 "2007-04-13T02:51:09Z")
[QUOTE=RealityChuck] Those both predated Vonnegut. He was quoting. [/QUOTE] Gee, sorry. Wasn’t aware of that. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/19 "2007-04-13T03:03:54Z")
**The Sirens of Titan** > [@](#): > > Take Care of the People, and God Almighty Will Take Care of Himself \*\*Slaughterhouse-Five \*\* > [@](#): > > You know we’ve had to imagine the war here, and we have imagined that it was being fought by aging men like ourselves. We had forgotten that wars were fought by babies. When I saw those freshly shaved faces, it was a shock “My God, my God—” I said to myself. “It’s the Children’s Crusade.” So it goes, Jim ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873/20 "2007-04-13T03:12:25Z")
We are here on Earth To fart around. Don’t let anybody Tell you Any different. - [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-you-favorite-kurt-vonnegut-quotes-here/399873.md?page=2)