# Post your fave Limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 16, 2007, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660 "2007-11-16T08:48:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/21 "2007-11-16T16:52:53Z")
[QUOTE=Johnny L.A.] Now if only I could find grandpa’s non-limerick that starts ‘When you’re eighty-two and your dick turns blue and you can’t pee no more…’ [/QUOTE] The only one I remember is the start of a bawdy song… When a man grows old, and his balls go cold And the tip of his prick turns blue, And it bends in the middle like a one-string fiddle He can tell you a tale or two! ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/22 "2007-11-16T16:57:47Z")
The girl I brought home was a prize With beautiful deep blue eyes Her tits were well kept Just as you’d expect But her penis came as a surprise ::my my, what an educated shower we are:: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/23 "2007-11-16T16:59:20Z")
To his club-footed child said Lord Stipple As he poured his post-prandial tipple “Your mother’s behavior Gave pain to our Saviour And that’s why He made you a cripple.” There was a young curate whose brain Was deranged from the use of cocaine. He lured a small child To a copse dark and wild, Where he beat it to death with his cane. The first child of Mrs. Bysshe-Shelley Came to light with it’s face in it’s belly. The second was born With a hoof and a horn. And the third was shapeless as jelly. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/24 "2007-11-16T17:05:16Z")
My favorite is not raunchy, but quite unique: 1,264,853,971.2758463 [spoiler]Read as: One billion two-hundred and sixty Four million eight hundred and fifty Three thousand nine hun- dred and seventy one Point two seven five eight four six three[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/25 "2007-11-16T17:06:07Z")
There once was a fellow from Yuma, Who told an elephant joke to a puma, Now his skeleton lies, Under hot desert skies, For the puma had no sense of hu-ma. ---
**Author:** ![beowulf573](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@beowulf573](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulf573)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/26 "2007-11-16T17:09:13Z")
There once was a man named Bright Who traveled much faster than light. He left one day in a relative way, And came back the previous night. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/27 "2007-11-16T17:13:16Z")
While Titian was mixing rose-madder His model posed nude on a ladder; Her position, to Titian, Suggested coition, So he climed up the ladder and had 'er. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/28 "2007-11-16T17:16:27Z")
A young down-east pilot named Sanger Got a girl alone in his hangar When she asked where in Maine He was flying his plane He said he was going to Bangor ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/29 "2007-11-16T17:20:45Z")
On the chest of a barmaid from Vail Was tattooed all the prices of ale Whilst on her behind For the sake of the blind Was precisely the same, but in braille. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/30 "2007-11-16T19:34:13Z")
[QUOTE=Johnny L.A.] There was a young girl from New Zealand Who discovered a wonderful feeling She laid on her back And tickled her crack And pissed all over the ceiling! [/QUOTE] Variation on that theme: There was a young lady of Wheeling A gal of most delicate feeling When she read on the door, “Don’t piss\* on the floor”, She jumped up and pissed\* on the ceiling! - or (as the bowdlerized version I originally learned had it) “spit” and “spat”, respectively ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/31 "2007-11-16T19:47:58Z")
[QUOTE=Johnny L.A.] Another version had Jill hailing from Dallas. She used dynamite for a phallus. [/QUOTE] There was a young girl named Alice Who used dynamite instead of a phallus And when she lit a match They found half of her snatch In Ft. Worth and the rest in Dallas ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/32 "2007-11-16T20:39:18Z")
Of course I meant Jill’s name was changed to Alice. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/33 "2007-11-16T20:53:43Z")
This is a fairly tame one - There was an old woman named May, Who once went to a park by the bay. She met a young man, Who screwed her and ran, Now she goes to the park every day. And this one doesn’t quite fit the standard rhyme scheme for a limerick, but - Molly Brown, Molly Brown, No one claimed to lay her down. Then over the hills came piss-pot Pete With 20 pounds of swinging meat. Pete fucked Molly in the ass, Molly passed one hell of a gas. Then over the hills flew piss-pot Pete, With 20 pounds of shredded meat. ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/34 "2007-11-16T20:55:00Z")
There once was a man from Madras Who’s balls were made out of brass He’d sing “Stormy Weather” As he rubbed them together Whilst lightning flew from his ass. And the variation on the theme already mentioned several times: There once was a young lady named Alice Who tried out a dynamite stick for a phallus They found her vagina in North Carolina, And parts of her anus in Dallas ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/35 "2007-11-16T22:00:19Z")
There once was a girl from the Cape Who loved a recalcitrant ape. Her attempts at romance Didn’t get in his pants, And so she resorted to rape. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/36 "2007-11-16T22:00:20Z")
\*There were two young ladies from Birmingham, And this is the story concerning 'em, That they pulled up the frock And pulled on the cock Of the Bishop as he was confirming 'em. But the Bishop was nobody’s fool, He had been to parochial school, So he pulled down his britches And diddled those bitches With a twelve-inch Episcopal tool. But both the young ladies said, “Pooh!” And they sneered as the Bishop withdrew, And they said, “Well, the vicar Is longer and thicker And slicker and quicker than you.” \* Or \*Once a young gay from Khartoum, Took a lesbian up to his room. But they argued and fought About who should do what And how and with which and to whom. \* Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/37 "2007-11-16T22:07:53Z")
This one won a contest. (I didn’t write it, FWIW.) It’s a bit dated, but it stuck with me (as limericks tend to do.) The contest was to write limerick that included “Clinton,” “Lewinsky” and “Kazinsky.” _Clinton and Lewinsky have shown What Kazinsky must surely have known That an intern is better Than a bomb in a letter Given the choice of how to be blown_ ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/38 "2007-11-16T23:07:48Z")
[QUOTE=Shodan] \*Once a young gay from Khartoum, Took a lesbian up to his room. But they argued and fought About who should do what And how and with which and to whom. \* [/QUOTE] When I was about eight I bought a Halloween-themed record from Scholastic Press that had a similar one: A skeleton once, in Khartoum Invited a ghost up into his room They spent the whole night In the eeriest fight Over who should be frightened of whom ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/39 "2007-11-16T23:12:39Z")
The first one I ever heard: A wonderful bird is the pelican; His beak can hold more than his belican; Within that great beak, He holds food for a weak, But I’m damned if I know how the helican. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/40 "2007-11-16T23:21:19Z")
[QUOTE=TheLoadedDog] The only one I remember is the start of a bawdy song… When a man grows old, and his balls go cold And the tip of his prick turns blue, And it bends in the middle like a one-string fiddle He can tell you a tale or two! [/QUOTE] Google _Eskimo Nell_ for the rest of that one. 🙂 Much too long to post here. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660.md?page=3)