# Post your fave Limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 16, 2007, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660 "2007-11-16T08:48:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Paladud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Paladud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paladud)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/41 "2007-11-17T00:04:07Z")
A woman from North Carolina Played music upon her vagina, Wherein she made cocks Sound simply like Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor. ---
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/42 "2007-11-17T02:39:06Z")
A flea and a fly in a flue, Were wondering what they should do. Said the fly “Let us flee” Said the flea “Let us fly” So they flew through a flaw in a flue. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/43 "2007-11-17T03:04:22Z")
There was a young lady from Niger Who rode out on the back of a tiger They returned from the ride With the lady inside And a smile on the face of the tiger There was a young monk from Paree Who went into the cloister to pee He said “Dominus vobiscum, Why won’t the piss come? Maybe I’ve got the C-L-A-P!” There once was a hermit named Dave Who lived with a dead whore in his cave He said “What the Hell! I’ll get used to the smell – And think of the money I’ll save!” ---
**Author:** ![Eggerhaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@Eggerhaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eggerhaus)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/44 "2007-11-17T07:54:59Z")
There once was a woman from Spork Who used to eat shit with a fork. Her son cried, “You Goon! You eat shit with a spoon! It’s pork that you eat with a fork!” and There once was a man from Moline, Who invented a fucking machine. Both concave and convex, It could serve either sex. But, oh, what a bastard to clean. and There once was a gay priest from New Delhi Who had the Lord’s Prayer tattooed on his belly. By the time that a brahmin Read diown to the Amen He’d blown both salvation and Kelly. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/45 "2007-11-17T10:56:09Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] There once was a guy named Dave, Who dug up a whore from a grave. She was moldy and shitty, And only had one titty But look at the money he saved! [/QUOTE] I heard a different version of this. There was an old hermit named Dave Who kept a dead whore in his cave. He said, “What the hell, You get used to the smell. And think of the money you save!” And I should have previewed. **Daithi Lacha** beat me to it. Curses! ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/46 "2007-11-17T14:42:37Z")
A limerick of classic proportion should have meter and rhyme and a portion of humor quite lewd, and a frightfully crude, impossible sexual contortion. A necrophile name of Ned Schultz, often brags of his deed and exults, “Tis legal, it’s said, to make love to the dead, as long as they’re consenting adults.” ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/47 "2007-11-17T14:52:45Z")
There once was a young lady named Ransom Who was laid seven times in a hansom. When she cried out for more, A voice from the floor Said, “My name is Simpson, not Samson!” ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/48 "2007-11-17T15:01:15Z")
[QUOTE=cochrane] I heard a different version of this. There was an old hermit named Dave Who kept a dead whore in his cave. He said, “What the hell, You get used to the smell. And think of the money you save!” And I should have previewed. **Daithi Lacha** beat me to it. Curses! [/QUOTE] That’s cool. I like hearing the different versions. The one I am familiar with is: There once was a bloke called Dave Who kept a dead whore in a cave He said, “I’ll admit I’m a bit of a shit, But look at the money I save!” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/49 "2007-11-17T15:06:39Z")
[QUOTE=Eggerhaus] There once was a woman from Spork Who used to eat shit with a fork. Her son cried, “You Goon! You eat shit with a spoon! It’s pork that you eat with a fork!” [/QUOTE] I remember reading this in _National Lampoon_ attributed to Ed Bluestone. In it, the woman was from Cork, which is a city and a county in Ireland. ---
**Author:** ![Indian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/50 "2007-11-17T15:32:32Z")
The finalists ( a boy and an oldman) in a competition were asked to compose a limerick with “timbuktoo” as the last word. Old man Far away is a distant land where time is measured by the falling sand where people on camels ride 2 by 2 this is the place called timbuktoo. Boy Me and my elder brother tim went hunting one day in forest three nude girls were lying on the way Since they were three and we were two I buck one and Tm buck two. ---
**Author:** ![Indian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/51 "2007-11-17T15:35:31Z")
from a tombstone Here lies a man who was killed by lightning He wanted to cut a flash in this world of trouble But the flash cut him instead and here he lies in rubble. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/52 "2007-11-17T15:37:06Z")
A randy young dentist, Malone Got a girl in his office alone Then in his depravity He filled the wrong cavity And my, how his practice has grown! ---
**Author:** ![Indian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/53 "2007-11-17T15:42:36Z")
There was this woman from connectcut who gave birth to triplets pat,mat and tat Pat took one and mat took the other and there was no tit for tat… ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/54 "2007-11-17T15:45:03Z")
**indian** , none of the ditties you’ve posted are what I would call a limerick. The rhyme scheme of normal limericks is AABBA, and they’re usually 8 or 9 syllables in the A lines, and 5 or 6 in the BB lines. I wonder if there’s a different definition in English-speaking India? ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/55 "2007-11-17T15:49:54Z")
I wrote this one, but I have no formal knowledge of what makes a limerick, so iit’s probably wrong in measure and rhyme to some degree. Ah well, and so it goes. There once was a gggirl that made my toes ccurl. She reached around and led me ddown to her ppearl. My ttongue unfurled to give it a wwhirl. She pulled me in with a wwink and a ggrin, a ttwist and a spin, a lick and a ttwirl, to culture that ppearl. My face bburied to a ssmother. Her ttreasure, like no other… left me with this ggodamn ssstutter. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/56 "2007-11-17T16:01:34Z")
[QUOTE=Johnny L.A.] There was a young couple from Florida Whose passion grew steadily torrider They were planning to sin In a room at an inn Who could wait? So they screwed in the corridor! [/QUOTE] Best read in an r-dropping New York Diaspora accent. (especially the who could wait? part). ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/57 "2007-11-17T16:07:43Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] Best read in an r-dropping New York Diaspora accent. (especially the who could wait? part). [/QUOTE] This is true. ---
**Author:** ![WarmNPrickly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@WarmNPrickly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarmNPrickly)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/58 "2007-11-17T16:16:54Z")
There was a young dancer named Spears Her concerts brought unbroken cheers Then she had a few kids Her career hit the skids And she broke out the LadyBic shears I’m sure it can be improved, I just put it together myself. ---
**Author:** ![Indian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/59 "2007-11-17T16:21:03Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] **indian** , none of the ditties you’ve posted are what I would call a limerick. The rhyme scheme of normal limericks is AABBA, and they’re usually 8 or 9 syllables in the A lines, and 5 or 6 in the BB lines. I wonder if there’s a different definition in English-speaking India? [/QUOTE] jjimm I recollected and posted some from my college days .. almost 20 years.. sigh.. forgot most of the original lines . ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/60 "2007-11-17T16:29:46Z")
[QUOTE=indian] jjimm I recollected and posted some from my college days .. almost 20 years.. sigh.. forgot most of the original lines . [/QUOTE] Ah, sorry man, didn’t mean to be overly critical - I was just curious. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660.md?page=4)