# Post your fave Limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 16, 2007, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660 "2007-11-16T08:48:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/61 "2007-11-17T16:59:23Z")
There once was a vampire named Mable Her periods were very unstable Every full moon She took out a spoon And drank herself under the table ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/62 "2007-11-17T18:52:05Z")
[QUOTE=chowder] There once was a vampire named Mable Her periods were very unstable Every full moon She took out a spoon And drank herself under the table [/QUOTE] You have outdone yourself. That is truly disgusting. ---
**Author:** ![Jolly\_Roger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/63 "2007-11-17T19:23:09Z")
The once a man from Nantucket… and he…uh…he…um… _Aw, fuck it._ ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/64 "2007-11-17T21:55:33Z")
A horny young locksmith named Shore Had the hots for his favorite whore When the cops came inside With a true craftsman’s pride He was making a bolt for the door When a man queried saleslady Shedd As to whether a fully-made bed Had springs that were quiet She answered, “Just try it” As she pulled down the blankets and spread ---
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/65 "2007-11-17T22:07:02Z")
There once was a man from Cape Horn Who wished he’d never been born. He wouldn’t have been If his father had seen That the end of the rubber was torn. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2007, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/66 "2007-11-18T13:18:13Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] You have outdone yourself. That is truly disgusting. [/QUOTE] I’m sorry, really I am :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2007, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/67 "2007-11-18T16:59:45Z")
A decrepit old gas man, named Peter While hunting around for the meter Struck a leak with his light And arose out of sight And, as you can tell by reading this, he also quite destroyed the meter. ---
**Author:** ![AuntPam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@AuntPam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntPam)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2007, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/68 "2007-11-18T21:55:37Z")
An ancient rabbi from Peru Took his wife in the bedroom to screw. But she said “Oh vey! If you keep on this way– The Messiah’ll come before you!” A young miss with a bedroom trapeze Charges double to hang by her knees. The centrifugal force Improves intercourse– And everyone’s cooled by the breeze! A lovesick skydiver named Sherm Bailed out while his organ was firm. Three strokes and a spasm Produced an orgasm– And he skywrote “I love you!” - in sperm. The last one is my favorite–bawdy, impossible AND funny! ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/69 "2007-11-19T00:28:23Z")
There once was a man from Eau Claire. Who tried fucking his wife on a stair. The banister broke. But oh what a bloke. He finished the job in mid-air. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/70 "2007-11-19T02:02:28Z")
I heard the stair one a little differently: A lusty young man named McNair Was diddling his girl on the stair When the bannister broke He doubled his stroke And finished her off in mid-air A group of us in Intro to Poetry (U. of No. Colo., 1982) celebrated finals by drinking far too much beer and making up limerics. The only one I remember: A lovely young lass named Fellini Spilled gin on her lover’s hard weenie To avoid being uncouth He added vermouth And offered the lady a martini ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/71 "2007-11-19T15:22:43Z")
There was a young man of Peru Whose limericks stopped at line two. - - - - - There was a young lass from Saigon. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/72 "2007-11-19T16:07:28Z")
[QUOTE=chowder] There once was a vampire named Mable Her periods were very unstable Every full moon She took out a spoon And drank herself under the table [/QUOTE] Ewwwwwwwwww. You win. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/73 "2007-11-19T16:14:12Z")
Yes, but what do I win? ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/74 "2007-11-19T16:20:56Z")
A date with Mabel, of course. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/75 "2007-11-19T16:33:16Z")
Unfortunately Mable drank herself to death 😃 ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/76 "2007-11-19T16:39:45Z")
:eek: Seriously, we need a pukey smiley. I’m going to go now. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/77 "2007-11-19T16:47:00Z")
[QUOTE=muldoonthief] To his club-footed child said Lord Stipple As he poured his post-prandial tipple “Your mother’s behavior Gave pain to our Saviour And that’s why He made you a cripple.” There was a young curate whose brain Was deranged from the use of cocaine. He lured a small child To a copse dark and wild, Where he beat it to death with his cane. The first child of Mrs. Bysshe-Shelley Came to light with it’s face in it’s belly. The second was born With a hoof and a horn. And the third was shapeless as jelly. [/QUOTE] I came in to quote Gorey too, though I don’t remember the first one you quoted. Is that from the same book? Little Zooks, of whom no one was fond, They shot toward the trees, and beyond. The infant’s trajectory Carried him over the rectory And into a lily-choked pond. There was a young woman whose stammer Was atrocious, and so was her grammar. But it was not improved When her husband was moved To knock out her teeth with a hammer. Each night father fills me with dread As he sits on the edge of my bed I’d not mind that he speaks In gibbers and squeaks But for ten long years he’s been dead. And my favorite from that book, which goes so well with the picture: An old gentleman’s crotchets and quibblings Were a terrible trial to his siblings But he was not removed 'til one day it was proved That the bell-ropes were damp with his dribblings. Apologies to Gorey and everyone for slight errors-- I have no idea where my Gorey books are right now… ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/78 "2007-11-20T03:08:50Z")
By Isaac Asimov: > [@](#): > > There was a young women named Donna, > Who decided that she was a goner. > She’d been screwing all day > Every possible way > Quite forgetting it was Rosh Hashanah. > > A certain young woman, Veronica, > Plays the hora upon her harmonica. > But spell the word right, > Or you’re in for a fight, > For she screws without charge during Hanukkah. The young girls who frequent picture-palaces Don’t need any psychoanalyses. And though Dr. Freud Would be very annoyed They still cling to their long-standing fallacies. There was a young man of Kilbride Who fell in an outhouse and died. His heart-broken brother Fell into another And now they’re interred side by side. The bustard’s an elegant fowl With minimum reason to howl He escapes what would be Illegitimacy By the grace of a fortunate vowel. ```auto There once was a man who said, "God Must find it exceedingly odd When He finds that this tree Continues to be When no one's about in the Quad." Dear sir, Your astonishment's odd. I am always about in the Quad. And that's why the tree Continues to be, Since observed by Yours Faithfully, GOD ``` Another young poet in China Had a feeling for rhythm less finer. His limericks tend To come to an end Suddenly. There was an old man of Corfu Whose limericks end at line two. There was a young man of Verdun. The limerick about the old man of Nepal is somewhere else in this post. Find it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/79 "2007-11-20T04:18:33Z")
For the record: There was the young man from Spokane Who’s verses never would scan. When told this was so, He said, "Yes, I know, “It’s because I always try to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can.” ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660/80 "2007-11-20T04:27:45Z")
About former Cowboys star Lance Rentzel: There was a receiver named Rentzel Who had a penis prehensile. It made young girls cry When he opened his fly For it was as thin as a pencil. A wide receiver named Lance Met a ten-year old girl at a dance. At intermission Without her permission He showed her the thing in his pants. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-fave-limerick/426660.md?page=5)