# Post Your Favorite Legal Quote Here. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 25, 2002, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835 "2002-06-25T04:46:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/1 "2002-06-25T04:46:44Z")
“We must not make a scarecrow of the law, Setting it up to fear the birds of prey, And let it keep one shape, till custom make it Their perch and not their terror.” -fr. Shakespeare’s “Measure for Measure.” ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/2 "2002-06-25T06:06:08Z")
When you have absolutely no other basis on which to base an argument, abuse the plaintiff. -Cicero ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/3 "2002-06-25T10:15:43Z")
John Travolta was a millionair movie star _before_ he was a scientologist. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/4 "2002-06-25T11:56:06Z")
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise therof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/5 "2002-06-25T13:13:17Z")
“If the gloves don’t fit, you must aquit” (This is the most despised legal quote thread, right?) ---
**Author:** ![Zappo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b3f665/32.png) [@Zappo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zappo)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/6 "2002-06-25T14:19:25Z")
“Half of any good lawyer’s practice consists of telling his clients that they are damned fools and should stop.” ``` -Elihu Root ``` ---
**Author:** ![blanx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f04885/32.png) [@blanx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blanx)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/7 "2002-06-25T14:35:46Z")
The entire opinion of Washington v. Alaimo, in 934 F.Supp 1395 (SD Ga. 1996). You have to love a “Motion to Kiss my Ass.” ---
**Author:** ![EggNogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb8c5e/32.png) [@EggNogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EggNogg)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/8 "2002-06-25T16:02:50Z")
“We’re here to vet juries and witnesses to put cunts like Rayassaf behind bars however innocent they may be.” egg ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/9 "2002-06-25T16:05:46Z")
“This alone I ask: That when I die, good men shall say, ‘he toiled in the service of justice.’” ---
**Author:** ![Spider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Spider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/10 "2002-06-25T16:39:58Z")
I can’t define it, but I know it when I see it. ---
**Author:** ![Jimson\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/838e76/32.png) [@Jimson\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimson_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/11 "2002-06-25T16:46:17Z")
“A man who doesn’t get an education might steal from a boxcar. A man who goes to college and becomes a lawyer can steal the railroad.” -Theodore Roosevelt ---
**Author:** ![Daerlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Daerlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daerlyn)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/12 "2002-06-25T17:32:40Z")
Supposedly occurred in a real life court-room: Lawyer: What was the condition of the suspect on the date in question? Doctor: His brain was in a jar on my desk. L: So was there any chance he might have been mobile at the time? D: Well, I suppose it’s possible he was up and practicing law somewhere, yes. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/13 "2002-06-25T17:58:35Z")
“Baliff…Whack his Pee-Pee!” * * * “First, we kill all the lawyers.” ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/14 "2002-06-25T18:13:05Z")
Prosecution: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go also, would she have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? Defense: Objection, that question should be taken outside and shot. ---
**Author:** ![dalovindj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/15 "2002-06-25T18:14:28Z")
Definition of “Trial by Jury”: When 12 people get together to decide who has the better lawyer. DaLovin’ Dj ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/16 "2002-06-25T18:33:31Z")
CATFISH, the proper quote for your sig is “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” _Henry VI_, Part 2, Act IV, scene ii. It’s a statement offered comically in the context of the play (being spoken by Dick the Butcher, a general buffoon who offers comic relief), but the underlying premise is that if one wishes to overthrough the lawful government and the rule of law, the first thing to do is kill all the lawyers. It’s one of my favorite lawyer quotes because it’s usually offered to bash lawyers, by people who thereby clearly indicate they don’t really know the first thing about the quote or the play. Personally, I try to avoid using quotes that make me look stupid, but that’s just me. Oh, and for favorite quotes I should also mention my sig, which I don’t use much anymore, but comes from “Fiat justicia, ruat coelum”: “Let there by justice, though the heavens fall.” ---
**Author:** ![pluralgravity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/2bfe46/32.png) [@pluralgravity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pluralgravity)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/17 "2002-06-25T18:55:28Z")
I was on a jury where the defendant (diamond geezer) decided toadd his two- pennor’th to a dull discussion on a point of law between the judge and the defence brief. ‘‘You’re talking bollocks M’lud’’ Half the jury risked internal injuries trying to stifle their hysteria, the other six just pissed ourselves. ---
**Author:** ![ResIpsaLoquitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@ResIpsaLoquitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ResIpsaLoquitor)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/18 "2002-06-25T19:16:24Z")
The full text of United States ex rel. Gerald Mayo v. Satan and His Staff, 54 F.R.D. 282 (W.D. Pa., 1971). Yes, this was an actual lawsuit; it’s pretty apparent that the judge was bored that day and decided to have fun with this one. My favorite quote in the whole case: > [@](#): > > The complaint contains no allegation of residence in this district. While the official records disclose no case where this defendant has appeared as defendant there is an unofficial account of a trial in New Hampshire where this defendant filed an action of mortgage foreclosure as plaintiff. The defendant in that action was represented by the preeminent advocate of that day, and raised the defense that the plaintiff was a foreign prince with no standing to sue in an American Court. ---
**Author:** ![GKW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@GKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GKW)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/19 "2002-06-25T19:18:54Z")
“If there is any principle of the Constitution that more imperatively calls for attachment than any other, it is the principle of free thought - not free thought for those who agree with us but freedom for the thought we hate.” ~Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/20 "2002-06-25T19:42:08Z")
> [@](#): > > Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers. Erik Pepke [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835.md?page=2)