# Post Your Favorite Legal Quote Here. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 25, 2002, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835 "2002-06-25T04:46:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Humble\_Servant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/47e85d/32.png) [@Humble\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Humble_Servant)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/21 "2002-06-25T19:51:27Z")
[Here’s a link](http://www.clr.org/Bradshaw-Unity.html)to one of the best/snarkiest decisions I’ve found for grins (only 3 pages): > [@](#): > > Before proceeding further, the Court notes that this case involves two extremely likable lawyers, who have together delivered some of the most amateurish pleadings ever to cross the hallowed casueway into Galveston, an effort which leads the Court to surmise but one plausible explanation. Both attorneys have obviously entered into a secret pact–complete with hats, handshakes and cryptic words–to draft their pleadings entirely in crayon on the back sides of gravy-stained paper place mats, in the hope that the Court would be so charmed by their child-like efforts that their utter dearth of legal authorities in their briefing would go unnoticed. Whatever actually occurred, the Court is now faced with the daunting task of deciphering their submissions. With Big Chief tablet readied, thick black pencil in hand, and a devil-may-care laugh in the face of death, life on the razor’s edge sense of exhilaration, the Court begins. It actually gets even better. Seriously, from _A Man for All Seasons_: “More: What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get after the devil? Roper: I’d cut down every law in England to do that! More: Oh? And when the last law was down, and the devil turned around on you, where would you hide, Roper, the laws being all flat?” And just to end on an elevated note, I also submit this snippet from a complaint in an Aussie case: “the hotel breached its duty of care by its failure to remove [co-defendant]… in the knowledge that he was inebriated and was clad with pork chops strapped to his feet.” ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/22 "2002-06-25T20:00:56Z")
[Wacky Warning Labels 2001](http://www.x10.com/news/news/0125_labels.htm)[ol][_]Warning label on a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists warned: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.”[_]Warning on the back of a public toilet: “Recycled Flush Water… Unsafe for Drinking.”[_]Jetski advisory: “Warning! Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft.”[_]This diddy to carpenter’s using an electric wood router: “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.”[_]Those indendiary Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts: “Warning: Pastry Filling May Be Hot When Heated!”[_]Bat Man Halloween costume box: “Warning: Please exercise caution-mask and chest plate are not protective; cape does not enable wearer to fly.”[_]On a hammer: “Caution: Do not use this hammer to strike any solid object.”[_]From a butane lighter: “Warning: Flame may cause fire.”[_]A box of Tampax Tampons: “Remove used tampon before inserting a new one.”[_]On a baby stroller: “Warning: Remove child before folding baby stroller.”On prescription sleeping pills: This drug may cause sleepiness."[/ol] ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/23 "2002-06-25T21:42:02Z")
Damn, **Humble Servant** , that was a great case. This one’s old, but I reckon it bears repeating: _Fisher v. Lowe_, 122 Mich. App. 418. The facts: Plaintiff commenced this action in tort against defendants Lowe and Moffet for damage to his “beautiful oak tree” caused when defendant Lowe struck it while operating defendant Moffet’s automobile. The defendants won at trial, and the plaintiff appealed. The complete text of the decision of the court, exactly as published: > [@](#): > > We thought that we would never see > A suit to compensate a tree. > > A suit whose claim in tort is prest > Upon a mangled tree’s behest; > > A tree whose battered trunk was prest > Against a Chevy’s crumpled crest; > > A tree that faces each new day > With bark and limb in disarray; > > A tree that may forever bear > A lasting need for tender care. > > Flora lovers though we three, > We must uphold the court’s decree. > > Affirmed. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2002, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/24 "2002-06-25T23:03:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jodi \* > \*\*CATFISH, the proper quote for your sig is “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” _Henry VI_, Part 2, Act IV, scene ii. > > Personally, I try to avoid using quotes that make me look stupid, but that’s just me. > > Oh, and for favorite quotes I should also mention my sig, which I don’t use much anymore, but comes from “Fiat justicia, ruat coelum”: “Let there by justice, though the heavens fall.” \*\* **Jodi** , you are formally invited to make tea with my boxer shorts! You _assume_ I am referancing the line from the play, when in fact, I am stating a personal conviction. If I had wanted to qoute an old English fag, I would have given him his due. P.S.~ My Fiat is faster than yours! * * * I scream, you scream, we all denounce Christ for Ice Cream! ---
**Author:** ![ResIpsaLoquitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@ResIpsaLoquitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ResIpsaLoquitor)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2002, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/25 "2002-06-26T04:04:03Z")
Oh, and there’s a famous quote about the legal rule from whence I take my name: _Res ipsa loquitur, sed quid in inferno dicet?_ or, in the English: _The thing speaks for itself, but what in the hell is it saying?_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2002, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/26 "2002-06-26T06:23:23Z")
> [@](#): > > You assume I am referancing the line from the play, when in fact, I am stating a personal conviction. If I had wanted to qoute an old English fag, I would have given him his due. Ah. But, you see, if you state your “personal conviction” by stealing and then mangling someone else’s words, it seems to me that you cannot be surprised that someone would (a) correct you and/or (b) assume you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Perhaps if you want to claim a thought as your own, you might strive to have an original one? ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2002, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/27 "2002-06-26T06:33:28Z")
And as far as decisions are concerned, my three favorites are: (1) (Possibly apocryphal) One lawyer reminded the court that the rules of Civil Procedure allow that a deposition may be used “for any purpose” and moved to use one to “hit opposing counsel upside the head.” Hearing no objection (was counsel asleep?), the court granted the motion, whereupon the first lawyer whacked the second in the head with the deposition transcript. The second lawyer then objected but was told to sit down because the objection was not timely. (2) An unpublished Montana district (lower court) decision in which a frustrated judge described himself by saying “This Court is up to its ass in alligators, trying to drain this legal swamp!” (3) State v. Bristow (Montana) – don’t have the cite, but I know it’s published – which is not a funny decision but which boasts the strangest facts I’ve ever heard – namely, that two thugs hired by a wife to beat up her husband dressed up as Easter Bunnies and came to his door with baskets of candy. Then when he opened the door, they beat the crap out of him. While dressed as big pink Easter Bunnies. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2002, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/28 "2002-06-26T07:03:44Z")
In 1961, in _Commonwealth of Pennsylvania v. Robin_, the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania ruled that the novel _The Tropic of Cancer_ by Henry Miller could not be banned because, while it was graphic in its language, it also had some redeeming artistic merit. One of the Justices, Michael Musmanno, disagreed and wrote a dissent, extracted below, which contained his opinions of the book’s literary worth. > [@](#): > > The decision of the Majority of the Court in this case has dealt a staggering blow to the forces of morality, decency, and human dignity in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. If, by this decision, a thousand rattlesnakes had been let loose, they could not do as much damage to the well-being of the people of this state as the unleashing of all the scorpions and vermin of immorality swarming out of that volume of degeneracy called _The Tropic of Cancer_. Policemen, hunters, constables and foresters could easily and quickly kill a thousand rattlesnakes but the lice, lizards, maggots, and gangerous roaches scurrying out from beneath the covers of _The Tropic of Cancer_ will enter into the palyground, the study desks, the cloistered confines of children and immature minds to eat away moral resistance and wreak damage and harm which may blight countless lives for years and decades to come…_Cancer_ is a definite sociological evil. It is not to be described negatively. It is a positive menace to the well-being of the community in which it contaminates the air it displaces…The defendant would have reason to say that _Cancer_ is not hard-core pornography; it is, in fact, rotten-core pornography. No decomposing apple falling apart because of its rotten core could be more nauseating as an edible than _Cancer_ is sickening as food for the ordinary mind. _Cancer_ is dirt for dirt’s sake, or, more appropriately, as Justice Frankfurter put it, dirt for money’s sake…To say that _Cancer_ is worthless trash is to pay it a compliment. _Cancer_ is the sweepings of the Augean stables, the stagnant bile of the slimiest mudscow, the putrescent corruption of the most noisome dump pile, the dreggiest filth in the deepest morass of putrefaction…_Cancer_ is not a book. It is a cesspool, an open sewer; a pit of putrefaction, a slimy gathering of all that is rotten in the debris of human depravity. And in the center of all this waste and stench, besmearing himself with its foulest defilement, splashes, leaps, crawls and wallows a bifurcated specimen that responds to the name of Henry Miller. One wonders how the human species could have produced so lecherous, blasphemous, disgusting and amoral a human being as Henry Miller…_Cancer_ is not a book. It is malignancy itself. It is a cancer on the literary body of America. I wonder that it can remain stationary on the bookshelf. One would expect it to generate self-locomotion just as one sees a moldy, maggoty rock move because of the creepy, crawling creatures underneath it…_Cancer_ has no social worth whatever, it has no literary merit and no information value. It is a scabious toad croaking obscene phrases in a pestiferous swamp of filth and degradation… ---
**Author:** ![Humble\_Servant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/47e85d/32.png) [@Humble\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Humble_Servant)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2002, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/29 "2002-06-26T14:42:17Z")
Glad ya liked it, **Max**. I liked the tree thing too–there’s another one from the Michigan EPA about beaver dams (it may be a hoax because it was pretty ridiculous) that I can’t find just now, but it does seem that Michigan gets its fair share of natural law (hee) cases. Montana may have the edge here, though, what with the alligators and Easter Bunnies and all. And surely someone will know the answer to this: did they ever use the Musmanno dissent as a book blurb? Man, I sure would have! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2002, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/30 "2002-06-26T17:48:06Z")
JohnBckWLD, I can add one more to your list. We use finger print ink where I work. On its list of warnings, it tells us to avoid skin contact with the product. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2002, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/31 "2002-06-26T18:05:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jodi \* > \*\* > > Perhaps if you want to claim a thought as your own, you might strive to have an original one? \*\* How quaint, coming from an obvious fan of a profession creating few original ideas, based almost entirely on precedent. Eat me. Blackened. Feel free to add spicy cajun sauce. 😃 * * * Help Wanted: Must speak spanish, have extensive literary background and knowledge of the legal system. Garlic Picker/Dishwasher $5.40/hr. Must be reliable ---
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2002, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/32 "2002-06-26T20:47:26Z")
“Mr. Lay, I sentence you to 30 years in San Quentin.” ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2002, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/33 "2002-06-26T21:19:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jodi \* > **(Possibly apocryphal) One lawyer reminded the court that the rules of Civil Procedure allow that a deposition may be used “for any purpose” and moved to use one to “hit opposing counsel upside the head.” Hearing no objection (was counsel asleep?), the court granted the motion, whereupon the first lawyer whacked the second in the head with the deposition transcript. The second lawyer then objected but was told to sit down because the objection was not timely…** Can’t cite or quote this verbatim, it was in Vincent Bugliosi’s on the Manson family, “Helter Skelter” Charles Manson’s 1st lawyer, Irving Kanarek was a notorious staller. In one of his earlier trials, he was alleged to have objected to a defense witness being asked their name on the grounds it was **hearsay** …having thus _heard_ it from his parents. ---
**Author:** ![5\_time\_champ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/278dde/32.png) [@5\_time\_champ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5_time_champ)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2002, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/34 "2002-06-27T02:36:31Z")
If the facts are on your side- pound the facts. If the law is on your side- pound the law. If neither are on your side- pound the table. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2002, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/35 "2002-06-27T03:22:47Z")
> [@](#): > > **Judge, these two youts…** And one of those Reader Digest All in a Days Work stories that has stuck with me for probably 15 years: A lawyer dealing with a rookie cop on behalf of his defendant who was a DWI. All paraphrased. And remember campers, this is before breath analizers were around. Lawyer :How long have you been a cop? Rookie: Just over six months. Lawyer: And in that six months that has made you an expert on drunken behavior? Rookie: No sir. But working as a bartender for the past 15 sure helped. ---
**Author:** ![emolson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5fc32e/32.png) [@emolson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emolson)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2002, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/36 "2002-06-27T05:20:53Z")
[http://www.texasbar.com/globals/tbj/apr02/etc.asp](http://www.texasbar.com/globals/tbj/apr02/etc.asp) Q. What you have in front of you is what has been marked as Exhibit A to your answers to interrogatories, and this is a list of, by my count, close to 300 different jobsites. I think we have got 296 different jobsites. Have you seen this list before? A. Yes, I’ve seen something that looks kind of like it. I didn’t read it through, or whatever. Q. How was that list put together, do you know? A. Stapled. Q. Ask a stupid question — A. I’m sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2002, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/37 "2002-06-27T05:36:41Z")
A lesson from my first job as an associate from a partner… “This is what I call the ‘up & away theory’. Drive the costs up, and drive justice away.” ---
**Author:** ![Mystery\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@Mystery\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mystery_Dog)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2002, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/38 "2002-06-27T13:43:35Z")
**Little Nemo** , I love Musmanno’s dissents! No judge has ever written as colorfully. For more examples of interesting writing form Pennsylvania courts, check out the opinions of Justice Michael Eakin. When he was on the Pennsylvania Superior Court, he wrote several opinions in rhyming verse. Probably the finest example of his verse can be found [here](http://www.courts.state.pa.us/opposting/superior/out/a05020_00.pdf), in a case where a poodle was literally sent flying by an oncoming car. “The car was coming much too close, something inside told her./ The next thing Mrs. Zangrando knew, a poodle flew over her shoulder.” And so on, for the entire opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2002, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/39 "2002-06-27T14:49:04Z")
Perhaps a little tangential… this one I’ve seen attributed to J. Edgar Hoover (as far as I’m concerned, it’s too good to check): “I regret to inform you that we of the FBI are powerless to intervene in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.” ---
**Author:** ![Nuveena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a587f6/32.png) [@Nuveena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nuveena)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2002, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835/40 "2002-06-27T18:38:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Humble Servant \* > \*\*–there’s another one from the Michigan EPA about beaver dams (it may be a hoax because it was pretty ridiculous) that I can’t find just now, but it does seem that Michigan gets its fair share of natural law (hee) cases. \*\* Apparently this one is true. [Dammed Beavers](http://http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.htm) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-legal-quote-here/115835.md?page=3)