# Post your favorite Simpsons lines! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 6, 2000, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687 "2000-07-06T00:48:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![sweetcan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@sweetcan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sweetcan)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/1 "2000-07-06T00:48:08Z")
a few of mine: Woman: Don’t talk about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!!! Krusty: Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down! * * * Kent Brockman: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: democracy just doesn’t work! * * * Moe: They think they’re so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants. * * * Chief Wiggum (after the who shot Burns question was answered): Yeah, right pops. No jury in the world is going to convict a baby. …Maybe Texas. * * * Homer: Are you saying you’re never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No! Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal! Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal. * * * Ralph Wiggum (my favorite): What’s a diorama? * * * Homer: Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman’s bottom? That’s right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman. * * * Marge- Homer, it’s so easy to criticise. Homer- Fun, too. LOL! ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/2 "2000-07-06T01:28:46Z")
This is so hard because there are at least two really good lines in each episode. Some favorites: Lunch Lady Doris: “More testicles means more iron.” Homer reciting “The Raven”: “‘Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,’ I said, ‘art sure no **craven,** ’” accentuating “craven” while addressing the viewer to emphasize the lengths Poe went to force rhymes of “raven.” Edited out of the syndicated version. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/3 "2000-07-06T02:31:48Z")
We call it the “Good Morning Burger”… ---
**Author:** ![Mustapha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Mustapha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mustapha)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/4 "2000-07-06T02:41:33Z")
- from ep where Homer gains weight so he can work from home \* _Homer tries to call plant but can’t dial properly_ Telephone Operator: The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialling wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now. * * * Marge: You’re gonna kill us all!!! Homer: Or die trying!!! ---
**Author:** ![BigBuddha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f1d935/32.png) [@BigBuddha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBuddha)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/5 "2000-07-06T02:52:41Z")
Homer- “An F turns into a B so easy…you just got gready son.” (When Bart failed a class and changed the F to an A on his report card) ---
**Author:** ![Niggle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Niggle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Niggle)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/6 "2000-07-06T03:02:05Z")
“Mmmmmmmmm… forbidden doughnut…” Ahhhh temptation… -niggle ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/7 "2000-07-06T03:05:43Z")
Nelson- Nothing catches trout like the German light infantry. Mr Burns- Who the devil are you?(while Homer is standing in front of grafiti that says “I am Homer Simpson”) Homer- Run boy Run! Now he’s got the taste of Blood!(after Homer threw a steak to distact the dog chasing Bart). Homer- Take that Einstein! Eat lead Zombie Shakespeare! Tentacled Alien- Don’t worry, some day the Human’s will create a Board so big, with a nail so large, they will destroy themselves, Bwahahahaha (Okay, okay, the quotes might not be particularly accurate, but they get the basic idea and I’m really drunk). ---
**Author:** ![PaperBlob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/58956e/32.png) [@PaperBlob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PaperBlob)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/8 "2000-07-06T03:07:40Z")
“Take it outside, God-boy!” - Superintendant Chalmers to Ned Flanders “What’s a battle?” - Ralph Wiggum “Thank you, door!” - Rod or Todd Flanders, while walking into the Kwik-E-Mart ---
**Author:** ![vandal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/858c86/32.png) [@vandal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vandal)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/9 "2000-07-06T03:47:51Z")
Here’s a few. The lines just by themselves don’t have any real significance, but the context in which they were said make them some of my favorites. * * * Bart - What about Abraham Lincoln? Homer - Uh, he served poisoned milk to school children! * * * Archie Gang (throwing Homer out of their car) - And stay out of Riverdale! * * * German Guy (techno music coming from car, speaking in german accent) - Hey you two, get a room! ---
**Author:** ![bedhog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ab097/32.png) [@bedhog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bedhog)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/10 "2000-07-06T04:49:53Z")
Mr. Burns - after being asked to donate money: “Does anyone have change for a button?” ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/11 "2000-07-06T05:30:18Z")
Smithers: I think women and sea men don’t mix. Burns: We all know what you think ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Dave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/46a35a/32.png) [@Great\_Dave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Dave)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/12 "2000-07-06T05:36:08Z")
Homer, on Burns’ porch: What are you going to do? Release the bees? Or the dogs? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth, so when the bark, they shoot bees at you? Ralph: My cat’s breath smells like cat food. Ralph: Doctor said my nose wouldn’t bleed so much if I just kept my finger out of there. Ralph: I bent my wookiee. Ralph: Oh boy, sleep! That’s where I’m a viking. Homer: Rock stars, is there anything that don’t know? Smithers’ PC on boot up: You’re very good at turning me on (in Burns’ voice). Homer: Must protect the sugar. Sugar brings teh money, money brings the power, power brings the women. just a few to warm up with ---
**Author:** ![NothingMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b77776/32.png) [@NothingMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NothingMan)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/13 "2000-07-06T06:08:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BigBuddha \* > \*\*Homer- “An F turns into a B so easy…you just got gready son.” (When Bart failed a class and changed the F to an A on his report card) \*\* Um, its **greedy**. . . and you get an F for spelling. (Sorry, but that was too ironic not to point out.) Little fat German boy running : “Don’t chase me I am full of chocolate !!” “Nothing out-runs a greased Scotsman !” Moe on phone :“Is Amanda here ? I need Amanda Hugandkiss.” ---
**Author:** ![silent\_rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@silent\_rob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silent_rob)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/14 "2000-07-06T07:12:54Z")
When Homer tries selling sugar he says one of the funniest lines that I can think of. It’s just such an absurd reference. I don’t even know what it’s parodying, if anything, but it’s just plain hilarious. Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme? Homer: Never, Marge! Never. I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors – oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called “City Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about “What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?” ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/15 "2000-07-06T07:57:29Z")
I think my sig says it all. 🙂 Homer said it BTW ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/16 "2000-07-06T12:12:02Z")
Rev. Lovejoy…‘This sounds like rock and/or roll!’ Cheif Wiggum…‘Where’s you’re Messaih now?’ Homer…‘Save me Jebus!’ Bart…‘All the best bands are affiliated with Satan.’ ---
**Author:** ![H8\_2\_W8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c77e96/32.png) [@H8\_2\_W8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/H8_2_W8)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/17 "2000-07-06T12:13:20Z")
“Doe!!!” (When Homer loses control of the family car, crashes through some bushes at a park and suddenly runs over a statue of a female deer.) ---
**Author:** ![malaka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@malaka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malaka)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/18 "2000-07-06T12:14:26Z")
Ranier Wolfgang: “My eyes! The goggles do nothing!” (said as a wave of acid flows over him during a movie shoot) ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/19 "2000-07-06T12:23:23Z")
Homer: “To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of lifes problems!” ---
**Author:** ![Charley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/97f17d/32.png) [@Charley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charley)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2000, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687/20 "2000-07-06T12:31:05Z")
Gummi bears - they hibernate in your colon [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-simpsons-lines/24687.md?page=2)