# Post your favorite Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 14, 2009, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251 "2009-01-14T13:07:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/1 "2009-01-14T13:07:45Z")
…Or just make some up. [Tom Swifties explained.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Swifties) I’ll start: “I can’t believe I ate so much pineapple,” Tom said dolefully. “The steering wheel won’t budge!” Tom cried straightforwardly. “I just adore St. Louis,” Tom said archly. “This Halloween I’m going as Catwoman,” Tom said earthily. The punnier the better, people. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/2 "2009-01-14T13:33:47Z")
“Let’s look for another Grail!” Tom requested. “I used to be a pilot,” Tom explained. “I’m into homosexual necrophilia,” said Tom in dead earnest. ETA (none of those are mine, BTW - they’re from the Annotated Pratchett File) ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/3 "2009-01-14T14:22:19Z")
“I can clean out drains with my mouth,” Tom said succinctly. ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/4 "2009-01-14T14:35:37Z")
> [@](#): > > “I’m into homosexual necrophilia,” said Tom in dead earnest. That is…really wonderful. ---
**Author:** ![Ichbin\_Dubist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Ichbin\_Dubist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichbin_Dubist)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/5 "2009-01-14T14:53:46Z")
“I dropped the toothpaste!” said Tom, crestfallen. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/6 "2009-01-14T15:00:49Z")
“Oh yes,” Tom ejaculated. ---
**Author:** ![JimNightshade](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jimnightshade/32/3354_2.png) [@JimNightshade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimNightshade)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/7 "2009-01-14T15:08:31Z")
“I think i might be schizophrenic” said Tom, being frank. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/8 "2009-01-14T15:23:21Z")
“We’re 36,000 feet above Nebraska,” Tom plainly stated. “AARRGGHH! I’ve just been stabbed in the chest,” said Tom, half-heartedly. “Man, that’s an ugly Hippopotamidae,” said Tom, hypocritically. “I like ragged margins,” said Tom, without justification. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/9 "2009-01-14T15:28:01Z")
(Funny, I thought of starting one of these) “It’s all gone dark!” said Tom delightedly. “That’s not a laser!” cried Tom incoherently. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/10 "2009-01-14T15:31:25Z")
> [@Gadarene](#): > > “This Halloween I’m going as Catwoman,” Tom said earthily. I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/11 "2009-01-14T15:36:16Z")
“We’re going off the road again!” said Tom reveredly. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/12 "2009-01-14T15:39:23Z")
“Where’s the attendance roll?” Tom said listlessly. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/13 "2009-01-14T15:40:26Z")
> [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](#): > > I don’t get it. The late Eartha Kitt replaced Julie Newmar as Catwoman on the 60s TV _Batman_. ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/14 "2009-01-14T15:41:12Z")
“I really shouldn’t have reached into the corn thresher while it was still running,” Tom said off-handedly ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/15 "2009-01-14T15:42:16Z")
“So, you’re a member of the San Francisco chapter of Mensa,” said Tom, homogeneously. d&r ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/16 "2009-01-14T15:44:47Z")
“I’m going to clean the laundry”, Tom Shouted. “I’m planning on marrying my black girlfriend,” Tom said lovingly. “I just the fleshlight,” Tom said accidentally. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/17 "2009-01-14T15:52:13Z")
“I hate Chinese food,” Tom said derisively ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/18 "2009-01-14T16:03:07Z")
“Pimpin’ ain’t easy,” Tom said back-handedly. ---
**Author:** ![UncaStuart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uncastuart/32/404_2.png) [@UncaStuart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncaStuart)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/19 "2009-01-14T17:01:45Z")
“Wait, I said ‘I give up!’” Tom recapitulated. ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/20 "2009-01-14T17:04:03Z")
> [@UncaStuart](#): > > “Wait, I said ‘I give up!’” Tom recapitulated. Heh. I’m really enjoying a lot of these. Very much liked **Ludovic’s** subtle Supreme Court joke, for example. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251.md?page=2)