# Post your favorite Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 14, 2009, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251 "2009-01-14T13:07:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/21 "2009-01-14T17:26:43Z")
“We’re trying to run a business here,” Tom said firmly. “You’re letting the fire go out,” said Tom ungratefully. “Get into the back of the boat!” yelled Tom sternly. “Merlot or Zinfandel?” Tom whined. “Just a little whiskey,” said Tom wryly. “I ought to take a pair of shears to the _leylandii_,” Tom hedged. “Seven no-trumps,” Tom declared. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/22 "2009-01-14T17:49:50Z")
“Take the prisoner downstairs,” Tom said condescendingly. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/23 "2009-01-14T17:52:50Z")
“These tiny hors-d’oevres are great!” Tom said amusedly. “My perm came out way too curly,” said Tom, looking sheepish. “BINGO!” said Tom markedly. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/24 "2009-01-14T18:05:14Z")
“I know what sex that cat is,” said Tom. “I used to command a battalion of German insects,” said Tom, exuberantly. “Drei…fuenf,” said Tom, fearlessly. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/25 "2009-01-14T18:12:06Z")
“I’m sterile,” said Tom inconceivably. “What’s another name for an elf?” asked Tom impishly. “I have everything a man could want,” said Tom needlessly. "I don’t want to play cards any more, " said Tom wistfully. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/26 "2009-01-14T18:18:06Z")
“I’ve tried, and tried, but nothing I do makes this stupid thing work,” Tom said radioactively. “My teeth hurt,” Tom said incisively. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/27 "2009-01-14T18:25:05Z")
“Help! I’m stuck in the chimney,” Tom said influentially. ---
**Author:** ![WF\_Tomba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d9b06d/32.png) [@WF\_Tomba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WF_Tomba)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/28 "2009-01-14T18:31:10Z")
“My favorite book is _Moby Dick_,” said Tom superficially. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/29 "2009-01-14T18:35:25Z")
I really wish I hadn’t dropped that on my foot," Tom said ironically. ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/30 "2009-01-14T18:51:37Z")
So that’s what a Tom Swiftie is. I clicked on this to find out. Cool. Okay, I think I got a couple. (Yes, I am working from home today and procrastinating!) “Just a chip off the old block,” Tom said icily. “Lower the thermostat!” Tom cried hotly. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/31 "2009-01-14T19:08:26Z")
“My acne is gone!” said Tom clearly. ---
**Author:** ![WF\_Tomba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d9b06d/32.png) [@WF\_Tomba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WF_Tomba)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/32 "2009-01-14T19:13:16Z")
“Cannibalism’s not as bad as you think,” said Tom manfully. ---
**Author:** ![Carnacki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5e925/32.png) [@Carnacki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnacki)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/33 "2009-01-14T19:22:54Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > “I just the fleshlight,” Tom said accidentally. “Just what?”, he joked. ---
**Author:** ![Hi\_Neighbor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hi_neighbor/32/494_2.png) [@Hi\_Neighbor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hi_Neighbor)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/34 "2009-01-14T19:39:43Z")
“Behold, the power of the Dark Side,” Tom said forcefully. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/35 "2009-01-14T20:05:50Z")
“Fruit-flavoured gin?” asked Tom slowly. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/36 "2009-01-14T20:25:15Z")
“Get this dildo out of my ass!” Tom said anally. ---
**Author:** ![dactylic\_hexameter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d26b3c/32.png) [@dactylic\_hexameter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dactylic_hexameter)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/37 "2009-01-14T20:25:39Z")
“Of course I can’t prove it!” said Tom excitedly. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/38 "2009-01-14T20:29:59Z")
If I may steal from Beowulff, “Try again and again!” Tom said repeatedly. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/39 "2009-01-14T20:38:16Z")
“I can’t believe I ate all that hay,” Tom said balefully. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251/40 "2009-01-14T20:39:45Z")
“Edward, make sure you don’t come to the party early,” said Tom belatedly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/post-your-favorite-tom-swifties/481251.md?page=3)